9/20/2011 c23 morpheusandmuse
hey! i love this story lol - exactly what you told me not to say. but here is my critique - i feel that the romance is going too slowly. while i understand taht any loving feelings between the two would need time - the path of friendship for nate and kon seems to be taking a long winding path. every chapter i feel like something might happen (KISS) but i just get disappointed lol. if it takes too long - it may feel too much like a friendship. anyways - cant wait for the next chapter!

9/11/2011 c23 5likelemondrops
Just as your readers don't "have" to read or review you, you don't "have" to be giving us this story. So ignore the people that are upset about inconsistency in your updates, because this is your damn story that you have every right to take away from us if you wanted to. /end rant. :P

Anyway. To be concise, I love this. But you want criticism, so:

1. I think the term "almost-smile" is a bit overused. Think Twilight and "his crooked grin." Not that it's a bad image - I always want Nate to smile at her FULLY, and his ever present almost-smile makes his real smiles special. :)

2. I can't even think of a 2.

Basically, I think you've done a really nice job with this. Besides some reaaally minor grammar details, which most people on this website don't give a crap about anyway, I don't have much else to critique you on. I like the way you built your characters and relationships up. Although I think it's a bit unrealistic how well Konstantine is able to read a person, it's a very interesting addition to the story. The relationships between your supporting characters and the backstories are also interesting, which is rare - you often get stories with the subplots that make a reader yawn and scroll through to get to the good stuff. This is not one of those stories.

I like your writing style...one of my favorite parts was the "Nate was a guy you could fall in love with at first sight" thing. Awesome use of repetition. Another thing I loved was when Chase was being a pervert and Nate...er, stepped in. That kind of gooey save-the-girl thing is always great, haha. :P

One more thing that I want to say, since this is a pretty long review...(sorry!): I hadn't heard the song Konstantine by Something Corporate before I came across your story. I just want to thank you for introducing me to it. I can't stop listening to it; it really is an amazing song. And every time I do hear it, it makes me think of your story, which takes the meaning of it to a whole new level for me.

Update soon...but at your leisure of course. ;)

9/10/2011 c23 u wouldjustbe AWESO without ME
this is amazing! loved it soo much

9/10/2011 c23 Mary Chrys
I was so crushed when I saw I'd reached the end of it so far! But hey, anticipation.

I just found this story today, and since I'm desperate to not do classwork, I thought I'd give it a try. I'm really glad I did. Your characters are so, so, so believable. Usually, the troubled-childhood/abusive parents character is a bit of a strain, but you've done it perfectly. Both Nate and Konstantine have the perfect amount of normalcy and the perfect amount of not-quite-socially-adapted. And Nate is just an amazing character anyway. I love how you've given Konstantine a kindred spirit, but she doesn't have the "oh look! Another tortured soul!" reaction. He actually makes her uncomfortable, which is perfect.

You've also done Jess really well. Usually, the unfailingly nice person is just two-dimensional and could never happen in real life, but Jess makes sense, especially because she did have one or two not-nice moments. Also, Leslie and Max are really great as best friends. Even though they're more background characters, Leslie has the jealousy that almost every best friend has. The only person I think could be done better is Keaton. He's Nate's best friend, and is in on the secret, which automatically makes him important, because it shows exactly how much he means to Nate. He's also a major point of conflict in the group of friends, but you don't give him much of a personality. That's it, though.

Sorry for the absurdly long review. Have a wonderful day. (=

9/8/2011 c1 mereoftheoworld
I like how you based your story off of a song and after listening to it on youtube I can't wait to see how this plays out!

9/7/2011 c23 21HiHelloMisterBear
Now that I've read this I can go to sleep but seriously. This has been on my mind since I started it this morning but then I was forced to go to work and had to stop for 8 hours.

But I am now caught up and going to wait calmly for the next chapter...

Calmly.

9/5/2011 c23 2THis doesn't even exist
Alora!

I've never asked you this before, but I'm wondering why your name is Alora The Sleepy... Are you tired a lot?

I love sleep.

If I were to give you any criticism in this, it's that the flow was almost... too good. I read through it all really fast, and I didn't really stop and think about the words. Normally it seems like every single word in the chapter is deliberate, but in this, they don't seem as important. At least at the beginning with Dr Mannowitz.

In Oral History, the words were fine. I love anything that has to do with Oral History, really. Maybe if you sort of described Nate while she was watching him. Spend a small paragraph on how she watches his eyes flit from one couple to the next, or something else like that.

You painted Jen perfectly. I could see her clearly in my head.

I really want to create an Oral History. Get a big warehouse. Costco sized, and have different sections with all sorts of things. A stage too. I'll do it.

I have a lot of ambitions, if you haven't noticed. Oral History, making movies, being a teacher. etc.

The only thing that was hard to read in this chapter was the sentence about him grabbing her bag because he didn't want skin-to-skin contact. I fell it could have been easier to read. Maybe it's just me though.

That's my attempt at being critical. I hope it helped.

I loved it overall, and Oral History is my new dream.

Love you, as always.

I would say 'update soon', but I don't want you to hate me :)

~Chelsey