for Chroma12/8/2013 c27 
69Shadowswept
So, I'm all caught up to your final chapters. I was worried the delay in writing them would be obvious in the story, that it would have a different tone, because you'd been away from the story for so long. I was afraid you wouldn't be able to pick up the thread again, but I wouldn't have even known you'd been away if it wasn't for your author notes. So relieved! Because I seriously love this story. Kon and Nate are still Kon and Nate, and you gave us more awesome interactions between them. I enjoyed drunk Nate, and the tension between them was magnetic. The scene with his dad was ominous, and I'm so glad they escaped.
After waiting for so long, Jess's interlude with Jon seemed out of character. I always thought it would be true love for her. Yet, people sometimes do things they never imagined they'd do. I'm so sad about Keaton, Max, and Leslie. It wasn't worth destroying their friendship, but that's how things sometimes go.
69ShadowsweptSo, I'm all caught up to your final chapters. I was worried the delay in writing them would be obvious in the story, that it would have a different tone, because you'd been away from the story for so long. I was afraid you wouldn't be able to pick up the thread again, but I wouldn't have even known you'd been away if it wasn't for your author notes. So relieved! Because I seriously love this story. Kon and Nate are still Kon and Nate, and you gave us more awesome interactions between them. I enjoyed drunk Nate, and the tension between them was magnetic. The scene with his dad was ominous, and I'm so glad they escaped.
After waiting for so long, Jess's interlude with Jon seemed out of character. I always thought it would be true love for her. Yet, people sometimes do things they never imagined they'd do. I'm so sad about Keaton, Max, and Leslie. It wasn't worth destroying their friendship, but that's how things sometimes go.
12/8/2013 c26 Shadowswept
I just realized who Chase is in this flashback. There are a lot of friends with crushes on the same guy. I'm so glad that never happened to me-probably because most of my crushes happened on vacation instead of school. Always had a thing for accents. This flashback makes me understand why Kon quit drinking.
Oh my goodness! Every time I think you can't surprise me anymore, you do. The scene with Kon playing the song for Nate was unexpectedly wonderful. I never thought she'd be able to do it, let alone that it would turn out that way. It's a subtle way of showing that she's starting to move on with her life. The past isn't holding her prisoner anymore. And her feelings for Nate are stronger than she realized, because she was able to share this with him without falling apart. The present is starting to become more important than the past for both of them.
Her reaction was real and natural. Just the fact that they almost kissed was a huge change for her. I like how you're having her realize her feelings this way. It also gives us more to look forward to. I love how you compared it to a fuse box blowing under the strain of too many appliances.
I just realized who Chase is in this flashback. There are a lot of friends with crushes on the same guy. I'm so glad that never happened to me-probably because most of my crushes happened on vacation instead of school. Always had a thing for accents. This flashback makes me understand why Kon quit drinking.
Oh my goodness! Every time I think you can't surprise me anymore, you do. The scene with Kon playing the song for Nate was unexpectedly wonderful. I never thought she'd be able to do it, let alone that it would turn out that way. It's a subtle way of showing that she's starting to move on with her life. The past isn't holding her prisoner anymore. And her feelings for Nate are stronger than she realized, because she was able to share this with him without falling apart. The present is starting to become more important than the past for both of them.
Her reaction was real and natural. Just the fact that they almost kissed was a huge change for her. I like how you're having her realize her feelings this way. It also gives us more to look forward to. I love how you compared it to a fuse box blowing under the strain of too many appliances.
12/8/2013 c25 Shadowswept
Here's what I think is happening, but I could be completely wrong. I think maybe Nate is scared of his feelings for Kon, or perhaps overwhelmed by them. Or it could even be that he's afraid she'll pick up on them, and he doesn't want her to know. The thing at the end with Jon was odd, so probably something is going on there as well. Jess and Jon seem to be getting pretty friendly. Maybe she's over Bryce now.
Here's what I think is happening, but I could be completely wrong. I think maybe Nate is scared of his feelings for Kon, or perhaps overwhelmed by them. Or it could even be that he's afraid she'll pick up on them, and he doesn't want her to know. The thing at the end with Jon was odd, so probably something is going on there as well. Jess and Jon seem to be getting pretty friendly. Maybe she's over Bryce now.
12/8/2013 c24 Shadowswept
The sexual tension between Nate and Kon is getting hotter, but I didn't expect the chapter to end with actual flames! You don't skimp on the drama. Did I just say the previous chapter was my favorite? Well this one equals it, maybe even surpasses it. I love the way you write sexual tension. You forgo the obvious in favor of the little things that add up to something powerful. You have an attention to detail that I envy. Amazing job on this relationship! You began with the cerebral, moved to the emotional, and finally added in the physical. It makes it so much more intense than the stories that focus on the physical from the beginning. I started reading one of those last night, and I quickly got bored.
The sexual tension between Nate and Kon is getting hotter, but I didn't expect the chapter to end with actual flames! You don't skimp on the drama. Did I just say the previous chapter was my favorite? Well this one equals it, maybe even surpasses it. I love the way you write sexual tension. You forgo the obvious in favor of the little things that add up to something powerful. You have an attention to detail that I envy. Amazing job on this relationship! You began with the cerebral, moved to the emotional, and finally added in the physical. It makes it so much more intense than the stories that focus on the physical from the beginning. I started reading one of those last night, and I quickly got bored.
12/8/2013 c23 Shadowswept
OMG! This is huge! This is absolutely my favorite chapter so far. Nate trusts Kon completely. He trusts her as much as the people he's been close to for years. Wow, I'm so happy right now! Because he let her in, he really let her in. Yeah, they haven't talked about everything yet, but there's no going back now. I thought their second trip to Oral History was perfect. After something so huge, Nate would just chill with her. He's not the type that would tell her his life story immediately after letting her in. I know you asked for critique, but I have none at this point.
OMG! This is huge! This is absolutely my favorite chapter so far. Nate trusts Kon completely. He trusts her as much as the people he's been close to for years. Wow, I'm so happy right now! Because he let her in, he really let her in. Yeah, they haven't talked about everything yet, but there's no going back now. I thought their second trip to Oral History was perfect. After something so huge, Nate would just chill with her. He's not the type that would tell her his life story immediately after letting her in. I know you asked for critique, but I have none at this point.
12/8/2013 c22 Shadowswept
You flew back to the U.S? Yikes! Sorry, had to get that out of the way first. I've always dreamed of going to Australia, but I don't think I could survive the horribly long flight.
Okay, on to the chapter. This one was amazing at showing how in sync Kon and Nate have become. I just adore them and their incredible connection. So much more than physical. It's the kind of thing you dream of-finding that person who understands you so well. I like how they're starting to let each other in bit by bit. And the part at the end was wonderful and natural. You've carefully constructed the foundation of the story to arrive at this point. It was earned. It wasn't just thrown in there because you wanted them to have this moment.
Oh, but Keaton, Max, and Leslie. What a mess! I do love that Max took it out on Tessah. That was great fun.
You flew back to the U.S? Yikes! Sorry, had to get that out of the way first. I've always dreamed of going to Australia, but I don't think I could survive the horribly long flight.
Okay, on to the chapter. This one was amazing at showing how in sync Kon and Nate have become. I just adore them and their incredible connection. So much more than physical. It's the kind of thing you dream of-finding that person who understands you so well. I like how they're starting to let each other in bit by bit. And the part at the end was wonderful and natural. You've carefully constructed the foundation of the story to arrive at this point. It was earned. It wasn't just thrown in there because you wanted them to have this moment.
Oh, but Keaton, Max, and Leslie. What a mess! I do love that Max took it out on Tessah. That was great fun.
12/7/2013 c21 Shadowswept
There was a lot of Nate in this one, and I love that! He keeps showing more and more how important Kon is to him. He came to check up on her, and he got into a fight over her. That was a brilliantly written scene by the way. I love the contrast between how sharp and controlled Nate is to what a ridiculous idiot Chase is. He was obviously a jerk before he had a gripe with Chris and Kon. I also enjoyed the reunion scene with the band. It was very touching with the other two guys. Too bad Chase was there to ruin it. The only mistake I found was that Kon couldn't know the van was following her or Bryce if she didn't notice it. You don't need those parts in the story anyway since Chase told her that he followed her.
Okay, now I can get to the yummy stuff at the end of the chapter. Kon and Nate had it going on! I knew something was happening when she noticed his dimples. I like how she describes the warmth of his eyes. They are definitely getting closer, both emotionally and physically.
There was a lot of Nate in this one, and I love that! He keeps showing more and more how important Kon is to him. He came to check up on her, and he got into a fight over her. That was a brilliantly written scene by the way. I love the contrast between how sharp and controlled Nate is to what a ridiculous idiot Chase is. He was obviously a jerk before he had a gripe with Chris and Kon. I also enjoyed the reunion scene with the band. It was very touching with the other two guys. Too bad Chase was there to ruin it. The only mistake I found was that Kon couldn't know the van was following her or Bryce if she didn't notice it. You don't need those parts in the story anyway since Chase told her that he followed her.
Okay, now I can get to the yummy stuff at the end of the chapter. Kon and Nate had it going on! I knew something was happening when she noticed his dimples. I like how she describes the warmth of his eyes. They are definitely getting closer, both emotionally and physically.
12/7/2013 c20 Shadowswept
I had a huge smile on my face up until the last present. I don't think that Nate meant to make her sad. He wanted to give her something unique, something that nobody else would. The thought that you put into a present shows how much you care about a person. I think she's special to him, and he wants to be special to her. It's really incredibly romantic, though neither of them realize it.
I had a huge smile on my face up until the last present. I don't think that Nate meant to make her sad. He wanted to give her something unique, something that nobody else would. The thought that you put into a present shows how much you care about a person. I think she's special to him, and he wants to be special to her. It's really incredibly romantic, though neither of them realize it.
12/7/2013 c19 Shadowswept
I was so shaken up after the last chapter that I forgot to tell you how much I enjoyed the flashback. You are doing a great job of describing her relationship with Chris with these important scenes from the past. It's exactly what good writing is about: showing, not telling. I'm taking notes. Anyway, I completely understand what Kon meant. You can never recapture those perfect times. That's what makes them perfect, how rare they are.
Nate shared something with Kon! I'm with Dr. Sanders on that one. That is huge! It was appropriately short, because sharing even that much would be difficult for him, but it was meaningful. Yeah he freaked, but there's hope. Kon is forming a bond with all of them, and it's a beautiful thing.
Okay, I so wanted Keaton and Max to get together, but the way this happened doesn't bode well. Why can't they all just get along? Yeah, I know why, but I don't like it.
I was so shaken up after the last chapter that I forgot to tell you how much I enjoyed the flashback. You are doing a great job of describing her relationship with Chris with these important scenes from the past. It's exactly what good writing is about: showing, not telling. I'm taking notes. Anyway, I completely understand what Kon meant. You can never recapture those perfect times. That's what makes them perfect, how rare they are.
Nate shared something with Kon! I'm with Dr. Sanders on that one. That is huge! It was appropriately short, because sharing even that much would be difficult for him, but it was meaningful. Yeah he freaked, but there's hope. Kon is forming a bond with all of them, and it's a beautiful thing.
Okay, I so wanted Keaton and Max to get together, but the way this happened doesn't bode well. Why can't they all just get along? Yeah, I know why, but I don't like it.
12/7/2013 c18 Shadowswept
It sure was the calm before the storm. Talk about a cliffhanger! Why is it that the person who tries to keep other people from getting hurt is the one who always gets hurt? One of my friends almost bled to death because he tried to stop a fight between two other people. Poor Jess! I'm almost afraid to read the next chapter.
The rest of this chapter had some great stuff between Kon and Nate. As someone who loves books, I enjoy reading about their love of books and their conversations about them. That was also a sneaky way for Kon to flirt with him on the porch steps. Well done! The conversation at the beach house was entirely different. It went deep into the personal. Kon shocked me with that question. I really love the way you described Nate's reaction. Nate's eyes lowered slowly, turning back, degree by painful degree. I mean the entire sentence, but I only copied part of it in this review. I hope this doesn't put a rift between them.
It sure was the calm before the storm. Talk about a cliffhanger! Why is it that the person who tries to keep other people from getting hurt is the one who always gets hurt? One of my friends almost bled to death because he tried to stop a fight between two other people. Poor Jess! I'm almost afraid to read the next chapter.
The rest of this chapter had some great stuff between Kon and Nate. As someone who loves books, I enjoy reading about their love of books and their conversations about them. That was also a sneaky way for Kon to flirt with him on the porch steps. Well done! The conversation at the beach house was entirely different. It went deep into the personal. Kon shocked me with that question. I really love the way you described Nate's reaction. Nate's eyes lowered slowly, turning back, degree by painful degree. I mean the entire sentence, but I only copied part of it in this review. I hope this doesn't put a rift between them.
12/7/2013 c17 Shadowswept
I like how Nate and Kon are slowly developing a friendship. Kon is so sensitive about her status in the household. It made me sad that she doesn't even feel comfortable enough to turn on the TV. It was lovely of Nate to pick up on that and lend her the book. I was totally surprised that Carol would offer for her to stay when she could live in a dorm. Somehow it feels like this chapter is the calm before the storm.
I like how Nate and Kon are slowly developing a friendship. Kon is so sensitive about her status in the household. It made me sad that she doesn't even feel comfortable enough to turn on the TV. It was lovely of Nate to pick up on that and lend her the book. I was totally surprised that Carol would offer for her to stay when she could live in a dorm. Somehow it feels like this chapter is the calm before the storm.
12/4/2013 c16 Shadowswept
NO! I was waiting for Keaton to get together with Max. I didn't see this coming at all. As for Nate and Kon, he handled the situation well. Now he knows about her visions. I also like that he doesn't make a big deal out of what she's wearing. That would have turned into a sexual situation in most stories, but Nate just brings her a blanket.
The flashback was more wonderful than sad in this chapter. It's nice that she has the good memories, and doesn't just dwell on the bad ones. And her dad is so thoughtful and terrific. I love that she has that after all the abuse she's been through.
NO! I was waiting for Keaton to get together with Max. I didn't see this coming at all. As for Nate and Kon, he handled the situation well. Now he knows about her visions. I also like that he doesn't make a big deal out of what she's wearing. That would have turned into a sexual situation in most stories, but Nate just brings her a blanket.
The flashback was more wonderful than sad in this chapter. It's nice that she has the good memories, and doesn't just dwell on the bad ones. And her dad is so thoughtful and terrific. I love that she has that after all the abuse she's been through.
11/30/2013 c15 Shadowswept
I like how you're interspersing memories of Chris with the present moments with Nate. It shows us how Kon is comparing the two guys, and so is the reader. So the truth is out about his father. It's terrible how they cover it up. If they sent him to the hospital, social services would be called.
Who would have thought that this would be the catalyst for Carol to warm up to Kon. I like how real all the characters are, how they bring to life the main character's world. My favorite scenes are still the intense, charged interactions between Nate and Kon. I wonder who just saw her talking to nobody they could see. I hope it wasn't Carol, because she'll freak.
I like how you're interspersing memories of Chris with the present moments with Nate. It shows us how Kon is comparing the two guys, and so is the reader. So the truth is out about his father. It's terrible how they cover it up. If they sent him to the hospital, social services would be called.
Who would have thought that this would be the catalyst for Carol to warm up to Kon. I like how real all the characters are, how they bring to life the main character's world. My favorite scenes are still the intense, charged interactions between Nate and Kon. I wonder who just saw her talking to nobody they could see. I hope it wasn't Carol, because she'll freak.
11/29/2013 c31 Lara M
Is this public? Man it's been a long time since I've done this whole FP thing… Hooray for finishing! :) I think you have all the infrastructure in place for a good ending, but the lead-up to and time spent on the car crash was pretty rushed. I actually missed that there was a present-day crash until the next chapter started in the hospital. So my main comment is to revisit and really take your time with that. But I definitely thought the last chapter wrapped it all up perfectly. It was a satisfying ending, and really tied well into the main theme.
Is this public? Man it's been a long time since I've done this whole FP thing… Hooray for finishing! :) I think you have all the infrastructure in place for a good ending, but the lead-up to and time spent on the car crash was pretty rushed. I actually missed that there was a present-day crash until the next chapter started in the hospital. So my main comment is to revisit and really take your time with that. But I definitely thought the last chapter wrapped it all up perfectly. It was a satisfying ending, and really tied well into the main theme.
11/26/2013 c31 bethanon
Thank you for this beautiful story :) I have been a long time fan, and here is my overdue review:
I love how you ended this story, with the focus on Kon finding mutual acceptance of Chroma and its inhabitants as her home-that this was her Happy Ending. I adore the fact that the (romantic) relationship between Kon and Nate is understatedly sweet and that you did not give us the fruition of this relationship as Kon's (primary) Happy Ending.
I don't know if you will show us what happens to the gang after this... to see how these characters continue to grow, but I hope that whatever afterword you have planned will sate our curiosities ;)
I realize that in real life, life doesn't tie the loose ends, and I can't expect such a realistic story to do the same. I accept why there are some loose ends in your story (as I do from any other novels), but was there anything more to Jon and Chase other than you using them as catalyst to Kon's (final) confrontation of her past?
There is also the fact that Jess and Jon hooked up, and even though from what Kon said about it being this one time thing, I can't help but feel that Jess may not feel the same (or am I reading too much into Jess's giddy recollection of the night?).
And I am very happy we finally found out what happened to Chris (that dangling yarn was so frustrating, especially with Kon having those moments with her figment of imagination!) ... I am very glad that he wasn't beaten up by a gang or something *whoosh!*
So in closing, thank you greatly for this wonderful story. Cheers!
Thank you for this beautiful story :) I have been a long time fan, and here is my overdue review:
I love how you ended this story, with the focus on Kon finding mutual acceptance of Chroma and its inhabitants as her home-that this was her Happy Ending. I adore the fact that the (romantic) relationship between Kon and Nate is understatedly sweet and that you did not give us the fruition of this relationship as Kon's (primary) Happy Ending.
I don't know if you will show us what happens to the gang after this... to see how these characters continue to grow, but I hope that whatever afterword you have planned will sate our curiosities ;)
I realize that in real life, life doesn't tie the loose ends, and I can't expect such a realistic story to do the same. I accept why there are some loose ends in your story (as I do from any other novels), but was there anything more to Jon and Chase other than you using them as catalyst to Kon's (final) confrontation of her past?
There is also the fact that Jess and Jon hooked up, and even though from what Kon said about it being this one time thing, I can't help but feel that Jess may not feel the same (or am I reading too much into Jess's giddy recollection of the night?).
And I am very happy we finally found out what happened to Chris (that dangling yarn was so frustrating, especially with Kon having those moments with her figment of imagination!) ... I am very glad that he wasn't beaten up by a gang or something *whoosh!*
So in closing, thank you greatly for this wonderful story. Cheers!