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for Not Even The Dead

2/10/2010 c1 2DeepSeaDragon
This is a really cool idea, and I think Flash Fiction was the best format for it. "Gray Legion" is an awfully fitting name for a faction in a world where the war probably never ends.
1/23/2010 c1 48Michael Panush
Well, this was pretty good. It's a bit like my story 'Marine Corpse' which had a twist ending where the main character was a zombie, being constantly re-animated to fight in an endless Vietnam War. I think you might have tipped your hand too soon, as I suspected the Gray Legions were re-animated corpses after just reading the story's description. I also think the narrative itself could have used some work, and maybe a change of plot and direction. There was never any doubt that the Gray Legions would win, and Jord himself wasn't in any danger. The writing also was kind of lacking, with very basic (if servicable) descriptions, but no really good lines or metaphors that stood out. It's good that your doing smaller pieces to increase your writing skill, but try and add in some really good metaphors and make the stories as exciting as possible.

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