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11/27/2020 c1 Otakuami
This is really unique from the stories I have read on this website. The female Sri is a smart ass nerd, using words in her monologue to comprehend the things around her which even I had to Google, and her disinterest as well as looking down on her friend Saba, who's a whore yet smart enough to handle her. Although I felt like she was being a bitch for no reason towards the guy, there's a hint of curiosity captured subtly at the beginning. The way you described the surroundings made me feel like as if I was one. I was there was more since you mentioned a fisherman catching a mermaid, I hope to see a connection between the two
5/17/2012 c1 solo-birdie
Dude...you go girl...i ttly related to the situation u were dscribing. Im not reviewing cuz im Indian but cuz i genuinely liked ur story but now that i think bout it...it is nice to read one with the indian stuff. I love where ur going with the story. Love in India, def more entertaining than in any other country i think...might have to do with the whole forbidden thing but i cant wait to c where u take the story. Anyways..cheers.
12/21/2010 c1 2Eicklehart
...I think I might be in love with your stories.

PLEASE CONTINUE.

there were some spelling mistakes, but i was willing to overlook them in favour of the complete awesome that is your story. my god.
7/4/2010 c1 2DreamingInNewYork
hahah I like her. I'm Indian, too, by the way.

Is Saba her cousin or something? And Sri's a celebrity's daughter? Who?

update sooner!
1/27/2010 c1 6ranDUMM
Hey,

Wow! I started reading your story, and it used so much Indian slang.. well, not slang, but Indian words and stuff, and I went to your profile, and I realised you're Indian! I'm Indian too, hi :)

Anyways, you're story is really good, It has the right amount of mystery, humour and romance without seeming boring. Great work! :)

ranDUMM
1/27/2010 c1 2Awkward Situation
I liked the attention to detail, not only was it detailed in the beginning but it was held all the way through till the end. Dialogue was real and convincing - I could picture who was talking to whom and their tone of voice, looks etc... one thing I did not enjoy as much was the length (I had to read really slowly too), but overall, nice work!
1/25/2010 c1 9writingpistachio
Opening = I felt more or less hooked in the beginning. I loved the description of the swing and sky. Some really great writing there.

Characters = definitely great. The smart-girl main character really appealed to me because I know what it's like; the frustration with your nerdiness, the frustration when you use a word that causes 'huh?'s from the audience, but the smugness, too. Very nice. One thing, though, was tree guy. He seemed oddly mysterious, with his 'economical jerk' (love that line, by the way) and then was all crazy and bubbly? Hm. To be honest, I wasn't even sure it was the same guy. ;] However, I really liked the comparison with "Hello" and the middle-school girl. That really stood out and made me smile.

The dialog was real, snappy and funny. It didn't seemed forced, not at all. I felt the relationship between this person and this person and this person, and I got the feeling Sri didn't /especially/ like Saba, but hung out with her just-cuz.

Overall, while I found it to be well written and entertaining, I'm not sure I really *enjoyed* it. Perhaps it's just because I'm too tired, but it was so very wordy. Not the kind of story you want to read when you're sleepy. I had to read really slowly or I'd miss some important information, you know? I think that's my concrit. Seriously well-written, though. Great job.
1/25/2010 c1 6Cole Culain
The characters here are memorable, so much that you can clearly picture them in your head as you read. They have belivable conversations and good chemistry.

The diolouge is good, fast paced and witty. It has humor, a fitting language, and just sounds right. The diolouge is what makes the characters so good.

The opening didn't really pull me in, so that might need some work. The passage was nice, but I just didn't get drawn in. Then again, I've never been a fan of that kind of thing.

The pace is great, the writing just moves along regardless, the characters never missing a beat.

Very well written, overall.
1/24/2010 c1 30sophiesix
Lovely dialogue here, nice and sharp and fresh and I could hear it, very realistic sounding. It was a great way to show the sharper side of her character.

Mm, the mysterious guy in the tree XD was intriguing ! Nice little window of introduction before their later meeting. Almost like a vision or something. Very intriguing.

Mynahs –why is that in italics? Some others words in italics were unfamiliar but mynahs are the same here, at least, dunno about elsewhere.

Love the hair bit – messy sexy IS a damn hard look. Great rapport building with that

“Food was so cliche.” Lol! Nice. These bits of sass are great for building both the social environment and Sri’s attitude to it and place in it. like “The question is not if you are paranoid, it is if you are paranoid enough” heh heh, sharp!

“passing the floors that represented stages of childhood.” Love this image

“I could sense my blazer warming to it, as to a kindred spirit” ooh, I sense a love interest! Oh-ho! Tree dude! :D

Eh – Sri’s glasses! XD they’re like her bugger off defences. The discussion of Saba’s eyes’ powers was great too.

Lively and engaging take on smart girl at school situation. You've started buiding some interesting characters, rapports and relationships. The pace is nice and fast and the tone smart and witty. My concrit I guess would be to consider using a transition line rather than a section break, to make the flow smoother. nice stuff!
1/24/2010 c1 3Purple Glasses
Okay, first off, I'm not really sure what this is about, but it's in the Romance category, so it's something. And besides, I've read all your other stuff, and seriously, YOU CAN DO NO WRONG. So I am keeping to this one. :D Anyway, the first chappie's good, and I can totally see something with that guy. And it's not the one in the beginning, sitting in the tree, snapping innocent twigs, right? Hmm. I'm not sure. But it sounds really interesting, so I'll keep reading.

One question, is it going to be a chapter fic? Cos all your other stuff are one-shots. I think it'll be really awesome to FINALLY get a chapter fic from you, because your writing kicks ass. Totally. Update soon!

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