for La bella morte5/30/2010 c1 
29YasuRan
Absolutely beautiful. I'm no poet - well, I am a bad one, albeit - but I'm awed by the depth you've portrayed so far in but a few stanzas. Good on you!
29YasuRanAbsolutely beautiful. I'm no poet - well, I am a bad one, albeit - but I'm awed by the depth you've portrayed so far in but a few stanzas. Good on you!
3/4/2010 c1 recycle rhymes
it's really pretty i especially enjoyed the last lines and the line "my heart is a story book's atlas" - breath-taking.
it's really pretty i especially enjoyed the last lines and the line "my heart is a story book's atlas" - breath-taking.
2/8/2010 c1 136GirlxAnachronism
"And if you were to bookmark, this page of weathered rhymes,
At last perhaps you’d find me, amidst the olden times."
I like the whole idea of memory and remembering in this poem. It has an odd "rustic" feel, as if this poem were already on a yellowed page. It also feels like the love in this poem is a lost one, yet still thriving in the hearts of the lovers. I love how this poem can tell stories.
Beautiful!
136GirlxAnachronism"And if you were to bookmark, this page of weathered rhymes,
At last perhaps you’d find me, amidst the olden times."
I like the whole idea of memory and remembering in this poem. It has an odd "rustic" feel, as if this poem were already on a yellowed page. It also feels like the love in this poem is a lost one, yet still thriving in the hearts of the lovers. I love how this poem can tell stories.
Beautiful!
1/26/2010 c1 fleur de l'est
The theme reminds me of Christina Rossetti :) Though maybe the message is a tad different! My favourite bit was "memories of love’s affairs" - I liked the way you changed love affairs to love's affairs to add ambiguity.
The rhythm was really good except in some lines (like 'to the silence', the 2 unstressed syllables together sounded a bit rushed), but I think you may have overused commas a bit. Your lines are mostly iambic so the reader would have stopped naturally where the commas are anyway, and syntactically "And if you were to bookmark, this page" doesn't make sense.
But I loved the imagery, it's very Christina Rossetti, you even gave it an Italian title! xD
The theme reminds me of Christina Rossetti :) Though maybe the message is a tad different! My favourite bit was "memories of love’s affairs" - I liked the way you changed love affairs to love's affairs to add ambiguity.
The rhythm was really good except in some lines (like 'to the silence', the 2 unstressed syllables together sounded a bit rushed), but I think you may have overused commas a bit. Your lines are mostly iambic so the reader would have stopped naturally where the commas are anyway, and syntactically "And if you were to bookmark, this page" doesn't make sense.
But I loved the imagery, it's very Christina Rossetti, you even gave it an Italian title! xD
1/25/2010 c1 6letyoursoultakeflight
Wow. Just wow. You have all kinds of talent. You even change the structures to your poems too! (one thing... there are two aways!) This is lovely and sad and do I detect the book you are reading influencing this just a teensy weensy tiny bit? Don't even try to deny it... =] Keep it up! I envy your talent and productive energy... (just don't forget Johnathon!)
6letyoursoultakeflightWow. Just wow. You have all kinds of talent. You even change the structures to your poems too! (one thing... there are two aways!) This is lovely and sad and do I detect the book you are reading influencing this just a teensy weensy tiny bit? Don't even try to deny it... =] Keep it up! I envy your talent and productive energy... (just don't forget Johnathon!)
1/24/2010 c1 Punslinger
"...cry with cerulean eyes..." Your summary was so enchanting that I was tempted to skip reading the poem. I'm glad I resisted that temptation. It's indeed a beautiful (poetic) death, with a pleasing rhyme scheme, except for "death" and "left." Please stay alive and share more of your creative gifts with us.
"...cry with cerulean eyes..." Your summary was so enchanting that I was tempted to skip reading the poem. I'm glad I resisted that temptation. It's indeed a beautiful (poetic) death, with a pleasing rhyme scheme, except for "death" and "left." Please stay alive and share more of your creative gifts with us.
1/24/2010 c1 Isca
"Sequined dawn." Interesting description. I'm used to reading the dawn as something sacred, and yet, this sequined dawn seems more mortal, more raw, in a sense. I'm not saying that's a bad thing; it's just different. I kind of like it, actually-it's relatable. :)
My other favourite lines were "I leave a lantern" and "In the nautical skies." 'Leave a lantern' reminded me of the idea that parents whose children have been kidnapped leave a lamplight on outside at night so that their children can 'find their way home.' 'Nautical skies' is very Shakespearean; I like that. :)
"Sequined dawn." Interesting description. I'm used to reading the dawn as something sacred, and yet, this sequined dawn seems more mortal, more raw, in a sense. I'm not saying that's a bad thing; it's just different. I kind of like it, actually-it's relatable. :)
My other favourite lines were "I leave a lantern" and "In the nautical skies." 'Leave a lantern' reminded me of the idea that parents whose children have been kidnapped leave a lamplight on outside at night so that their children can 'find their way home.' 'Nautical skies' is very Shakespearean; I like that. :)
1/24/2010 c1 1tonight we bloom
the first line is so pretty! i got a gorgeous picture in my mind after reading it. i love how you associated it with "pirouette."
"sequined dawn" amazing phrasing!
the last two stanzas are so ethereal. you have wonderful imagery, as i'm sure i have said about 100 times now! your work is a pleasure to read
1tonight we bloomthe first line is so pretty! i got a gorgeous picture in my mind after reading it. i love how you associated it with "pirouette."
"sequined dawn" amazing phrasing!
the last two stanzas are so ethereal. you have wonderful imagery, as i'm sure i have said about 100 times now! your work is a pleasure to read