for Man Who Fell From The Moon7/1/2010 c1 
39waitingforwhatever
"as it was no necessary"-*not*
"moons surface, by"-replace the comma with a period and start a new sentence.
"fangs, made"-leave out the comma.
"He was here on Earth for a simple reason,"-replace the comma with a semicolon.
"him out,"-period.
"in fear"-capitalize *In*
"He feared that humans would one day destroy the moon, his beautiful crater filled home, he missed it dearly, and he hadn't been gone that long."-run-on sentence-seperate a couple of these into seperate sentences.
"Rosy pink lips parted for a sigh, as he woke, the cold feel of the grass and breeze of the night sky was foreign to him, he stretched his arm, letting his fingers run through the blades of grass that acted as a bed for him, though careful as not to disturb the mystical creatures that protected him, the roses,"-I like the descriptions in this sentence; but it's still a run-on sentence, and also, you need a period at the end.
"it"-remember to capitalize.
"she wore a Tierra"-you don't need to capitalize "tierra".
"the roses parted as if Moses were parting the sea,"-I like this.
Your descriptions are great, but you've got a lot of run-on sentences and some punctuation and capitalization issues to work on. The woman at the end left me intrigued, and I do wonder where this is going. Update soon!
xD
39waitingforwhatever"as it was no necessary"-*not*
"moons surface, by"-replace the comma with a period and start a new sentence.
"fangs, made"-leave out the comma.
"He was here on Earth for a simple reason,"-replace the comma with a semicolon.
"him out,"-period.
"in fear"-capitalize *In*
"He feared that humans would one day destroy the moon, his beautiful crater filled home, he missed it dearly, and he hadn't been gone that long."-run-on sentence-seperate a couple of these into seperate sentences.
"Rosy pink lips parted for a sigh, as he woke, the cold feel of the grass and breeze of the night sky was foreign to him, he stretched his arm, letting his fingers run through the blades of grass that acted as a bed for him, though careful as not to disturb the mystical creatures that protected him, the roses,"-I like the descriptions in this sentence; but it's still a run-on sentence, and also, you need a period at the end.
"it"-remember to capitalize.
"she wore a Tierra"-you don't need to capitalize "tierra".
"the roses parted as if Moses were parting the sea,"-I like this.
Your descriptions are great, but you've got a lot of run-on sentences and some punctuation and capitalization issues to work on. The woman at the end left me intrigued, and I do wonder where this is going. Update soon!
xD
6/13/2010 c1 23AvidWriter-92
Wow, this is really interesting! I liked all of the descriptions about the moon and the roses. :D
I thought that the last few lines were really intriguing... It definitely made me want to read more. :P
The only thing that I would suggest is to make the sentences less long... They're a bit run-on at the moment. :)
Other than that, it was great! :D
~Avid. (repaying 1 review. :P)
23AvidWriter-92Wow, this is really interesting! I liked all of the descriptions about the moon and the roses. :D
I thought that the last few lines were really intriguing... It definitely made me want to read more. :P
The only thing that I would suggest is to make the sentences less long... They're a bit run-on at the moment. :)
Other than that, it was great! :D
~Avid. (repaying 1 review. :P)
5/27/2010 c1 6MeAsIAm
There is some wonderful description (my kind of heaven) in this 'insanely short prologue' as you term it! :D
There is some problem with capitalization and an awkward line slit, but other than that, you have got a really interesting story here!
6MeAsIAmThere is some wonderful description (my kind of heaven) in this 'insanely short prologue' as you term it! :D
There is some problem with capitalization and an awkward line slit, but other than that, you have got a really interesting story here!
2/6/2010 c1 Palm Tree
Very interesting start. Of course, all your starts tend to be interesting so I'm not at all surprised. XD There was a good deal of telling in this regarding the mysterious man's origins and whys and whats that I think could be cut out. But, as always, your descriptions put a good image in my head, and I'm left wondering about the characters' personalities. The guy from the moon seems sweet and I'm guessing he's going to be something of a prophesied savior. All the same, I do wonder about the girl, Terra, which I guess is the human embodiment of our earth. I hope you post the first actual chapter soon, because I'd love to know what's all going to happen with these two! 83
Very interesting start. Of course, all your starts tend to be interesting so I'm not at all surprised. XD There was a good deal of telling in this regarding the mysterious man's origins and whys and whats that I think could be cut out. But, as always, your descriptions put a good image in my head, and I'm left wondering about the characters' personalities. The guy from the moon seems sweet and I'm guessing he's going to be something of a prophesied savior. All the same, I do wonder about the girl, Terra, which I guess is the human embodiment of our earth. I hope you post the first actual chapter soon, because I'd love to know what's all going to happen with these two! 83
2/3/2010 c1 xXhootsXx
The prologue is certainly VERY awesome! ^-^..the description was excellent! YOUR WORK IS AWESOME! Can't wait for more!
The prologue is certainly VERY awesome! ^-^..the description was excellent! YOUR WORK IS AWESOME! Can't wait for more!
1/29/2010 c1 4lookingwest
Hello from The Roadhouse!
He rose from the steam...
-Nice beginning, it made me wonder what was going on and I liked the originality of the character so far, or what you have developed, all is smooth!
engineering on the moon pushed him out,...
him, the roses,...
-edit: take out the extra space. It was a weird line split. But, if intentional I understand, as I often use this in my experimental writing. If not, just letting you know it's there!
“You are?”
-Would make into new paragraph
Yep, I liked your prolouge, it was short enough to get me interested and long enough to immerse me into the overall tone of your work. I liked the nice descriptions you add and from reading the summary I think you've got an unique story idea ahead of you.
4lookingwestHello from The Roadhouse!
He rose from the steam...
-Nice beginning, it made me wonder what was going on and I liked the originality of the character so far, or what you have developed, all is smooth!
engineering on the moon pushed him out,...
him, the roses,...
-edit: take out the extra space. It was a weird line split. But, if intentional I understand, as I often use this in my experimental writing. If not, just letting you know it's there!
“You are?”
-Would make into new paragraph
Yep, I liked your prolouge, it was short enough to get me interested and long enough to immerse me into the overall tone of your work. I liked the nice descriptions you add and from reading the summary I think you've got an unique story idea ahead of you.
1/29/2010 c1 99Dreamers-Requiem
Nice prologue, and I'm looking forward to seeing more. Did spot quite a few mistakes though which you might want to look over.
'as it was no necessary'
is it supposed to be not?
Also a couple of paragraphs are missing a capital letter, just simple stuff like that - typos etc.
99Dreamers-RequiemNice prologue, and I'm looking forward to seeing more. Did spot quite a few mistakes though which you might want to look over.
'as it was no necessary'
is it supposed to be not?
Also a couple of paragraphs are missing a capital letter, just simple stuff like that - typos etc.
1/28/2010 c1 4firefly114
I liked the prologue! You had some nice descriptions and the rest of the story seems interesting!
4firefly114I liked the prologue! You had some nice descriptions and the rest of the story seems interesting!