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for the cleaner

8/2/2012 c1 120Thesunflowerinyourhairrr
i liked it! i like the viewpoint...might be cool to write from the cleaner's point of view? i thought it was great as is though. love the idea.
6/11/2011 c1 self-fulfilling prophecy
this is my city. I can hear it, I can feel it, smell it and taste it - wonderful. I love this poem. simple phrases, yet so much meaning implicit.
10/3/2010 c1 58Inkspilled
I liked reading this, it had a very strong and almost whimsical feeling. I loved the concept of standing at the window at night, being unseen. It evokes memories and feelings, and the slow growth of ideas which hit the main character. It was like being someone else, for a moment. Lovely work.
2/5/2010 c1 173sunshineofyourlife
You're beautiful. I love this. I'm so glad you're back, keep writing. Keep using vivid phrases like "curtain twitcher."

-Your biggest fan
2/4/2010 c1 79kissing walls
Brilliant. Genius.

The insight in this is gorgeous. And if you do rewrite it, I hope you also leave the original up.

Favorite. :)
2/2/2010 c1 879Moondog Dozier
The descriptive detail in this gives the reader a vivid portrait of the situation. I like the detached narrator effect of looking at scenes-situations outside a normal individualized scope. Observational verse is something that I hold dear, and you've developed an excellent example of that here. The point of view works especially well. MD:77.
2/2/2010 c1 8sealednectar
It was great. I love the voice of the speaker, I could really imagine him! In these lines, you have managed to bring to life a character that others can't achieve in novels. I feel really sorry for the speaker because they are almost seperated from the rest of the world (by their own assent). I wonder what events has led to this happening. Also, I liked that you started with the cleaner. This is someone who is usually deemed insignificant in society, yet not to the speaker in this poem.

The speaker takes the time to think about the cleaner. The reader wonders why? The cleaner is at the beginning and at the end of this poem. It's great. My favourite lines are: 'the lively/clatter of heels on cobbles and cutlery/clinking' mostly because I love alliteration and I often hear this at night.

My other most favourite part was 'a/choreographed performance of life and art -'-Brilliant image. Beautiful. Life is a dance, he/she can only watch and enjoy, but not be a part of. Also, the last line makes me think 'But I do worry for the cleaner - there was nothing she could do.'-Nothing she could do to help/nothing she could tidy up?

Anyway, I don't know how this review turned out so long. Just me and my wonderings. But it was good.
2/1/2010 c1 54Wiggity Wam
Well, unless you are your 15 year-old self come to the future to post some poetry, you can change your profile; your talent has gone to no place other than these very words.

Shit, kid. I can't believe this. This is completely different from your previous postings... you have such quiet confidence in your voice. This is really something else... and I am so happy you decided to write again [or post again, if you have been writing all along] because it was definitely worth it!

I'm immensely proud of you.

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