Just In
for Helios

3/23/2010 c1 11HiddenFromYou
I liked the deep feeling of this poem. You took the words, and chopped them down right to their meaning, and used them to great effect.

"I am a beautiful/I am a beautiful writer" - These lines seemed off somewhat. First you're talking about the sunset, then you're talking about the narrator, and then you switch back to the sunset. I'd recommend moving these lines to before the line starting with 'no slick razor'. I think it would make the poem flow better. Also, is it meant to be a continuation of the same sentence? If not, then you should cut out the 'a' in the first sentence. If so, then you should make it clear, possibly putting '...' after the first sentence.

Reading it through again, you could also use the lines above to effect by putting them first at the beginning of the poem, and then at the end. This would give a feeling of closure, and really wrap things up. :)
3/11/2010 c1 26Mirabella
Unique in that it begins more hopeful than it ends! :)

Nicely done! Love the imagery.
2/4/2010 c1 12amongst the sunflowers
ABSOLUTELY loved this. Perfect in every way. :]

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service