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8/29/2010 c1 Kelsey
You're doing well! just read the email I sent you, k?
8/2/2010 c4 2JentheMachine
Your story is interesting so far, but in a good way. The first two chapters seemed to move fast which made it seem sort of jumpy, but other than that I think it is entertaining and pretty well written. Oh, your story is taking place in America, right? In the first chapter it said she moved from Virginia to Minnesota. I just want to point out that when she wanted to look around the city they told her to take her 'mobile', but here in America we just simply call it cell phone or just cell sometimes. Also in one of the chapters it said 'mum' whereas we Americans say mom. I don't know if you intentionally did this just, but I'm just letting you know, it isn't anything negative towards the story. But overall, good job and keep writing.
7/3/2010 c4 4Garneau
This is a really different story.

I like that you have the unique names for the supernatural beings. It's very different, certainly not something I have come across before.

I really liked the opening chapter, with the protagonist staring at the start up bar on her computer. It was really well written and had a great style to it.

Your characters are great. I love the cool headed protagonist, her very attractive house mate and the swarv Zach, who knows everything that's going on.

I like the story, but I have to be honest, I'm having trouble keeping up. There's so many things happening that I lose track of what's going especially in this chapter with the flashbacks. I'm also a bit confused about the different species and creatures. I know that Zach is a Styke, which has the characteristics of a vampire. The rest I am unsure about.

This is what I have gathered so far about the storyline:

She has moved from Virginia into a new town with her godfamily. In the local library she is confronted by a siren/Dawt, who threatens her. She also is confronted by a wolf of sorts in the house.

The next day she goes out with Brighton (human, 'godbrother') where they head to a carnival. It turns out to be a supernatural convention, and the protagonist meets Zach. They go in a time machine and rescue Brighton from the Dawts, where the protagonist unintentionally kills them. She then wakes up in a house where she has a big discussion with Zach about what she is and the other beings. She then goes to sleep and has some really surreal dream that is invaded by a cyclops and makes to being pulled out a window by a monster into a portal. Is that right?

It's a great fast moving plotline, just be careful not to move to quickly as people like me can get confused.

I really like that you just jump straight into the storyline with all the craziness going. There's heaps of drama so it is in no way boring.

I'm interested to see what happens next and what you have in store for this story especially with the portal,

Garneau.
5/30/2010 c4 10HoodedStellaish
That was good! I liked it!

Sorry it took so long to review, I was waiting for that one you said you had to post...I guess this one was it.

I only have one note. Mouldy= ukn. moldy = a type of fungi. Make sense? It's okay, it happens to the best of us. ;)

~S
3/27/2010 c4 57Jacqueline.E
Loved it, getting better every chapter. Well done, was a pleasure reading it. It's really good, woop! can't wait for next one! :D xx
3/1/2010 c3 Jacqueline.E
It's really good! By the way, I don't know your name :P

The lining worked! Now we can just send it through that thing, sound good? :)

I liked it, it was humourous and interesting, leaving alot of mystery for the next chapter.

Can't wait to see it. I'm so glad I get a sneak peak! :D Woop x

Well done, it was very well-written.
2/21/2010 c2 Jacqueline.E
Jacqueline isn't my real name, it's a middle name of mine but go ahead (: It's quite catchy ain't it? :D Once again, a brill piece! I know, the outside right now is amazing! It's either completely white with snow or blinding with sun. Breathtaking :P

Well done with second chapter, it was quite simple amazing!.
2/9/2010 c1 Jacqueline.E
Lol, already read it but it's great, I love it! :P It would not suck. I just tweaked a little. You did great! Yeah, with the lines, just make sure they fit on the page right x Well done! Great work :D
2/5/2010 c1 MinerStatus
good story but the way you aligned the words is a bit weired, it looks like a poem format instead of a story and some of the words are cut off and sent to the next line.

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