Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Smooth Jazz

2/18 c1 Coralsea
Amazing! I don't know what to say. I loved it.
2/12/2016 c1 JEL
This storyline is very original and the dialogue flowed quite well.
2/21/2015 c1 lilcarellijohn
Wow
10/23/2010 c1 28Robin Leigh
This is the best piece of work I've read so far tonight. Wow. Where DO you get your ideas? You're an awesome writer!
10/10/2010 c1 16Serendipitist Swan
At first I thought this story was going to be like one of those spiritual tales. I wasn't expecting what you did but I ended up loving it anyway. You did a great job at building the suspenseful atmosphere and the ending was fabulous.

I noticed that you used the word "culprit" a lot, maybe try and spice that up?

Loved the gun man's lines, especially the "no repeats," one.

-Swan
9/4/2010 c1 1xXbunnyholicXx
Fantastic. A very new idea. You added a little bit of depth to their characters in such a short one shot, and that takes some serious skill. I love how the narrator went on this whole rant for a reason.

Being a writer DOES help you. HA! TAKE THAT HATERS OF CREATIVE LITERATURE!

...

okay, i'm just going crazy.

Again, WONDERFUL piece. Very unique, very original.

"She's a hero!" - pure win line!

FANTASTIC PIECE!
7/9/2010 c1 JuniperRhose
Haha, good for her. I especially liked when she told him the bartender was a hero. That part was moving (for me). Well done.
7/6/2010 c1 12lianoid
The room was strung higher than a skyscraper...

-Fantastic. I really like this line.

"No repeats," snarled the culprit.

-Ahaha! XD This is one sick game. I love it.

This one was a little weird. But a good weird. I thought her reason for him not killing her was pretty hilarious. His reaction surprised me, but I enjoyed it. I think you ended it appropriately, but I would have liked more. I know that sounds contradictory, but I guess it was just such a good story I didn’t want it to end. =/

You’re such an awesome writer. I’ve only read a few of your one-shots by now, but even between them all, I can tell that you’re pretty versatile. This piece was really quite clever, and I especially enjoyed the narrator’s character. She seemed incredibly realistic, and I liked the fear she felt because when I was reading it, I felt it as well. Excellent job with this one.
6/29/2010 c1 23AvidWriter-92
Haha, I loved this. :D

This whole plot line of it was very unique, I thought. (You do particularly well on stories where there's a killer in them, I noticed. ^^)

The flow was very natural. It didn't seem forced or anything like that. I liked the descriptions and dialogue. It all just fit together, somehow... :)

When the people in the cafe started yelling out random things to save other people's lives, I thought that was cool. It shows the reader why being human is such a good thing. :)

I laughed at the narrator's little speech. Only an aspiring writer could come up with something like that while in the face of death. :P

Overall, I thought this was great. :) I didn't find any grammatical errors, but that doesn't surprise me. You're pretty good when it comes to grammar. :)

~Avid. Roadhouse/GF.

Repaid your review. 1/1. :)
6/9/2010 c1 1xenolith
Whaat! This is a really well-told tale! You should be so chuffed. I enjoyed it immensely :D
5/31/2010 c1 1knightlee
Great story, and very well executed! I was happy to find myself both interested in the narrator, intrigued by the culprit's motive, and the suspense was just the icing on my cake.

One thing I'd like to know is how the title fits into the story.(Maybe I'm missing something, or you didn't intend for it to fit in anyway.)

Anyhow, thanks for a fun read!
3/21/2010 c1 20Minor Masterpiece
An amazing story.

I loved the entire plot of it, slightly ridiculous and very out there. As strange as it sounds, I would have enjoyed being there.

I also love the concept of you (at least I'm guessing it's you) being the main character "an amateur writer". Very creative.

-Mea of The review marathon, link in my profile
3/21/2010 c1 2dragonflydreamer
Congrats on winning the Review Marathon! Here's your prize review:

I like the balance of humor and seriousness in this. The whole basis is ironic-the writer coming there for inspiration and all this happening. The man, too, has some underlying humor with his strange motivation and ego. But the situation is obviously a serious one. The balance keeps it interesting and realistic, but not too dark.

I really love your criminal. I love when writers put an interesting new spin on them. You didn't really focus on him too much, but the reader could still see a lot of his psychology. He seemed pretty desperate, going into this little cafe and doing this to the people, but he was also clever and almost like a writer himself, trying to make an interesting story. You did a great job creating him in such a short piece.
3/8/2010 c1 4lookingwest
Being an amateur writer...

-I like the meta-narrative angle that you take with your narrator because I'm really into that sort of thing and it's always cool to be a little post-modern when going about fiction ^_^

I also like how you jump right into the action for this because it really caught my attention, and when one has a word limit especially, it's great to get that challenge of not wasting time under wraps-I think you do it wonderfully!

Great tension with the counting down...

Bracing himself, the culprit leapt onto my table and sprinted outside, his figure soon lost to the snowfall ballet shrouding the city.

-I like how you tie in the prompt here through visuals and metaphoric literary devices within the writing because it makes me pay closer attention, and when I catch the little references to dancing and ballet juxtaposed with the weather outside, as I think you did at the beginning too, I feel like I've discovered little literary gems, XD.

From the Review Marathon's Review Squad, link in my profile
2/17/2010 c1 22lipleaf
Well. This was certainly something different. I think my favorite character in here is the culprit. He's entertaining and certainly not your average criminal. Some of the reasons were laugh out loud funny. You have an interesting sense of humor.

I just love the entire idea of this story. It's quite creative and unique, which can be quite difficult to do. I especially like the ending. It was a nice twist- I was half expecting the police to bust in and take him prisoner. The main character's reason is pretty weird. I honestly didn't think the criminal would be convinced.
25 Page 1 2 Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service