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for Venting

3/7/2010 c1 13Ebrethiel
I love the last three lines. They are incredible. It seems perfectly fine to me as it is. Doesn't sound unfinished.
3/2/2010 c1 124in theory
I prefer this by far to the final three lines on their own. It's a little heavy on the sadness/vaguely depressing, but the language is pretty and it sets more of a scene. In my completely stark, honest opinion the final three lines are not 'original' enough to stand on their own (I don't want to offend you, but it's not exactly a brand new metaphor). I enjoyed this piece more :)

2/14/2010 c1 43Dante's Disciple
This does actually give the whole tragedy more form, I like how you don't bog it down with what has happened, gives the reader the ability to relate to it themselves.

Nice work!
2/11/2010 c1 Jerl
I know how frustrating it is to have to delete something you've written, but I really do believe that this poem would be much more effective if you deleted all but the last three lines. Those lines are powerful, but the rest of the poem is too typical and unoriginal and casts a shadow over their power. It may seem like it's starting in the middle of something if you're only using those three lines, but trust me, starting there would be actually quite effective.

Also, if you want it to not be double spaced, press shift + enter between lines instead of simply enter.
2/9/2010 c1 989East-0f-Eden
I think it's a great title and it's great unfinished. I don't see why you call it unfinished but if you do you do. It totally describes how I feel when I write my vent poetry.

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