for Post Apocalyptic Barbie1/1/2013 c1 Kim
This short-story is awesome. You should think of turning it into an actual story.
This short-story is awesome. You should think of turning it into an actual story.
4/5/2010 c1 cookiewolf
I like it.
I would be so scared if I was in her posiotion lol.
This is so good. I fonly you continues it=DD hint hint
I like it.
I would be so scared if I was in her posiotion lol.
This is so good. I fonly you continues it=DD hint hint
3/28/2010 c1 
14improvisationallychallenged
Oh my god - a ballerina cum zombie killer.
I think you just dreamed up the most awesome post-feminist horror heroine ever o_o
This had a very Zombieland feel to it (I don't know if you've seen that movie or not, but it also has a boy getting cornered by a zombified corpse of a girl he fancied, and was hoping to get a chance to jump) and I love the black comedy threaded throughout the opening.
The hook there works very well - from the line "on top of the bed—not under it", I was sold.
Concrit wise, I'm going to take into account that you were being held to ransom by a word limit, but it would, if you ever decide to pick this up again, be nice to have a bit more about the world and current circumstances fleshed out a little.
Like, why was Mark and his date in an empty hotel in the first place? I mean, I know the connotations are kind of obvious, but if the world is becoming zombified around them, it would take two very dense teens to just carry on with their prom night as usual :P
Also, as much as I love Barbie, I didn't buy the coincidence of her accidentally stumbling into that particular room at that particular time. Having a commotion happening between Mark and Karla, or having anything that would attract her to that particular room would be a much more plausible explanation.
Other than that, this story is wonderful. A little fleshing out, and it would be perfect. ^_^
From We Return Reviews
14improvisationallychallengedOh my god - a ballerina cum zombie killer.
I think you just dreamed up the most awesome post-feminist horror heroine ever o_o
This had a very Zombieland feel to it (I don't know if you've seen that movie or not, but it also has a boy getting cornered by a zombified corpse of a girl he fancied, and was hoping to get a chance to jump) and I love the black comedy threaded throughout the opening.
The hook there works very well - from the line "on top of the bed—not under it", I was sold.
Concrit wise, I'm going to take into account that you were being held to ransom by a word limit, but it would, if you ever decide to pick this up again, be nice to have a bit more about the world and current circumstances fleshed out a little.
Like, why was Mark and his date in an empty hotel in the first place? I mean, I know the connotations are kind of obvious, but if the world is becoming zombified around them, it would take two very dense teens to just carry on with their prom night as usual :P
Also, as much as I love Barbie, I didn't buy the coincidence of her accidentally stumbling into that particular room at that particular time. Having a commotion happening between Mark and Karla, or having anything that would attract her to that particular room would be a much more plausible explanation.
Other than that, this story is wonderful. A little fleshing out, and it would be perfect. ^_^
From We Return Reviews
3/26/2010 c1 17Eponine254
Would you believe it, this is the review I owe you for the December WCC. It's absolutely shamefully late, and I apologise!
The opening is great; I love how you take the stereotypical teen movie thing and completely twist it. It grabs the reader's attention really well because it raises a whole lot of questions about how things turned out this way and what on earth is going on.
The dialogue was very funny. There was something very surreal about it; in fact, the whole idea of "Post-Apocalyptic Barbie" was pretty surreal.
I think you could have conveyed something more of Mark's confusion - he seems a bit too willing just to accept that a tiny ballerina just beat a zombie to death with a crowbar. I would expect him to be more shocked, and maybe less trusting, given the circumstances!
I know the word count makes it difficult to tell a whole story, but this felt more like the beginning of something than like a story in itself. I thought the ending was a bit sudden. That said, as the start of something longer, this would be awesome!
On the whole, great work! Well done and (very very late) congrats on winning the Dec WCC. :)
17Eponine254Would you believe it, this is the review I owe you for the December WCC. It's absolutely shamefully late, and I apologise!
The opening is great; I love how you take the stereotypical teen movie thing and completely twist it. It grabs the reader's attention really well because it raises a whole lot of questions about how things turned out this way and what on earth is going on.
The dialogue was very funny. There was something very surreal about it; in fact, the whole idea of "Post-Apocalyptic Barbie" was pretty surreal.
I think you could have conveyed something more of Mark's confusion - he seems a bit too willing just to accept that a tiny ballerina just beat a zombie to death with a crowbar. I would expect him to be more shocked, and maybe less trusting, given the circumstances!
I know the word count makes it difficult to tell a whole story, but this felt more like the beginning of something than like a story in itself. I thought the ending was a bit sudden. That said, as the start of something longer, this would be awesome!
On the whole, great work! Well done and (very very late) congrats on winning the Dec WCC. :)
2/24/2010 c1 34jevn
This was funny. I'm trying to decide if I thought it was funny, or too over the top, can't decide if the straightman was too straight in his terror, but it made me laugh out loud.
"she was still a blonde at cold-unbeating heart." I got this on a second reading, but the phrasing sounds awkward. Not sure whether you should change it or not.
The metifor I liked best was "Jumanji drumbeat in his ears." That's extremely creative.
Like I said before, a bit over the top, but well done and a very fun story.
34jevnThis was funny. I'm trying to decide if I thought it was funny, or too over the top, can't decide if the straightman was too straight in his terror, but it made me laugh out loud.
"she was still a blonde at cold-unbeating heart." I got this on a second reading, but the phrasing sounds awkward. Not sure whether you should change it or not.
The metifor I liked best was "Jumanji drumbeat in his ears." That's extremely creative.
Like I said before, a bit over the top, but well done and a very fun story.
2/13/2010 c1 871no.peace.los.angeles
Wow. That was certainly wild. And totally unexpected, given the prompt. But fun. Very fun. The ending was great. Nice work. Keep writing and good luck in the WCC! :)
871no.peace.los.angelesWow. That was certainly wild. And totally unexpected, given the prompt. But fun. Very fun. The ending was great. Nice work. Keep writing and good luck in the WCC! :)
2/9/2010 c1 1k+Faithless Juliet
I really liked the: Jumanji drumbeat in his ears. That brought me back to childhood.
I really liked what you did with the prompt; this is definitely a creative way to incorporate the idea of ballet. I like how your ballerina is a bit of a bad ass. Keep up the good work.
Much love,
Juliet.
1k+Faithless JulietI really liked the: Jumanji drumbeat in his ears. That brought me back to childhood.
I really liked what you did with the prompt; this is definitely a creative way to incorporate the idea of ballet. I like how your ballerina is a bit of a bad ass. Keep up the good work.
Much love,
Juliet.
2/9/2010 c1 30sophiesix
post apocalyptic barbie - lol! loved teh suspense in teh beginning with the scritchyness, and teh idea of a zombie still turning up for her prom even after dying. heh heh i can just imagine what happened just before teh opening XD. love also teh addition of teh ballerina - i guess i often think of tehm as floaty but they must be strong too, and teh contrast was great. really enjoyed this. yay for zombies!
30sophiesixpost apocalyptic barbie - lol! loved teh suspense in teh beginning with the scritchyness, and teh idea of a zombie still turning up for her prom even after dying. heh heh i can just imagine what happened just before teh opening XD. love also teh addition of teh ballerina - i guess i often think of tehm as floaty but they must be strong too, and teh contrast was great. really enjoyed this. yay for zombies!
2/9/2010 c1 Anise Cary
o like the beginning, you definitely caught my attention
Or was Karla as stupid dead as she was alive? He could only hope she was still a blonde at cold-unbeating heart. - as a natural blond I feel I should be offended but I'm not as a matter of fact I love this line, esp the cold-unbeating heart
you have an amazing way with imagery - a Jumanji drumbeat in his ears, The broken lamp smiled at him from across the room, The end of the crowbar kissed his nose with a sickening crack
I love how Barbie is enjoying this, it just makes me laugh, and Mark is so squicked out by it, wonderful
ok you have to turn this in a multi-chap bc I so want to read more
o like the beginning, you definitely caught my attention
Or was Karla as stupid dead as she was alive? He could only hope she was still a blonde at cold-unbeating heart. - as a natural blond I feel I should be offended but I'm not as a matter of fact I love this line, esp the cold-unbeating heart
you have an amazing way with imagery - a Jumanji drumbeat in his ears, The broken lamp smiled at him from across the room, The end of the crowbar kissed his nose with a sickening crack
I love how Barbie is enjoying this, it just makes me laugh, and Mark is so squicked out by it, wonderful
ok you have to turn this in a multi-chap bc I so want to read more
2/9/2010 c1 124in theory
It's kinda a strange cross between corny and funny, well-written and just down right bizarre. I did find myself enjoying it though! I'm usually really skeptical of zombie-related stories/films etc, but this kept my attention without any rolling of eyes hehe. Nice work, best of luck in Feb's WCC :)
Jack
124in theoryIt's kinda a strange cross between corny and funny, well-written and just down right bizarre. I did find myself enjoying it though! I'm usually really skeptical of zombie-related stories/films etc, but this kept my attention without any rolling of eyes hehe. Nice work, best of luck in Feb's WCC :)
Jack
2/8/2010 c1 21Sercus Kaynine
Haha! Loved the opening sequence. Mark immediately appeared to be a character I would like. That was quite a... unique view of the prompt, I must say. :P
Good job and good luck in WCC!
21Sercus KaynineHaha! Loved the opening sequence. Mark immediately appeared to be a character I would like. That was quite a... unique view of the prompt, I must say. :P
Good job and good luck in WCC!
2/8/2010 c1 19Written In Red
Haha! First, I thought the pace in the middle seemd a little off for a zombie story (I'm writing one right now). But it was absolutely sweet, Post Apocolyptic Barbie! Most epic character I've ever meet in two thousand words. Balancoire? One of the best short stories I've ever read. Definitely reminds me of Resident Evil a ton.
19Written In RedHaha! First, I thought the pace in the middle seemd a little off for a zombie story (I'm writing one right now). But it was absolutely sweet, Post Apocolyptic Barbie! Most epic character I've ever meet in two thousand words. Balancoire? One of the best short stories I've ever read. Definitely reminds me of Resident Evil a ton.
2/8/2010 c1 Fractured Illusion
Best zombieslayer ever :D Deadly ballerina, haah XD Awesome take on the prompt. Was badass. Broken-nose guy trying to speak was funny too XD
You had a mention of "sickening crack" in here somewhere, and personally, I find that phrase a bit overused by now, so maybe edit it later if you want, yeah?
Good luck in WCC!
Frac
Best zombieslayer ever :D Deadly ballerina, haah XD Awesome take on the prompt. Was badass. Broken-nose guy trying to speak was funny too XD
You had a mention of "sickening crack" in here somewhere, and personally, I find that phrase a bit overused by now, so maybe edit it later if you want, yeah?
Good luck in WCC!
Frac
2/8/2010 c1 2Nenphis
Awesome! I had so much fun reading this! Very entertaining! I don't know if your work is original, but good nevertheless. I liked the description of the sounds, the sarcasm, the guys hurt and blood language, and the post-apocalyptic barbie idea =genius. Good work and I hope to see miss tutu tonight in my dreams.
2NenphisAwesome! I had so much fun reading this! Very entertaining! I don't know if your work is original, but good nevertheless. I liked the description of the sounds, the sarcasm, the guys hurt and blood language, and the post-apocalyptic barbie idea =genius. Good work and I hope to see miss tutu tonight in my dreams.