for A Collection Of Short Stories6/15/2010 c2 
6ranDUMM
Hey,
Thank you for your review! Here's mine in return:
This chapter was admittedly much better than the previous one. The paragraphs weren't as lengthy, and they were easier to read and get through. There were a few mistakes, that you could catch if you went through and edited it properly. The concept is interesting, and I'm glad I read it. Keep writing, really well done with this! :)
ranDUMM
6ranDUMMHey,
Thank you for your review! Here's mine in return:
This chapter was admittedly much better than the previous one. The paragraphs weren't as lengthy, and they were easier to read and get through. There were a few mistakes, that you could catch if you went through and edited it properly. The concept is interesting, and I'm glad I read it. Keep writing, really well done with this! :)
ranDUMM
6/10/2010 c3 Alice Novak
"Feary"? Do you mean "Fiery"?
Is "Feary" even a word?
I suggest that you use another word.
"Feary" is, at the mo, a very eye-catching mistake..
Or was it intensional?
I didn't really get this story.
Just that the "feary figures" freaked the man out.
I think you should elaborate on the dream a little more.
Awesomeness, again!
Deli .x
"Feary"? Do you mean "Fiery"?
Is "Feary" even a word?
I suggest that you use another word.
"Feary" is, at the mo, a very eye-catching mistake..
Or was it intensional?
I didn't really get this story.
Just that the "feary figures" freaked the man out.
I think you should elaborate on the dream a little more.
Awesomeness, again!
Deli .x
6/10/2010 c2 Alice Novak
Another awesomeness!
These stories are so abstruse!
So despite the long brawls, I still find myself drawn to them.
Which is good.
And you really need to edit those long brawls.
Deli .x
Another awesomeness!
These stories are so abstruse!
So despite the long brawls, I still find myself drawn to them.
Which is good.
And you really need to edit those long brawls.
Deli .x
6/10/2010 c1 Alice Novak
Interesting plot.
Very enigmatic and spiritual.
I'm enlightened by the supernatural theme in this one chapter.
Very well done.
You should get rid of the unnecessary narration in the opening of the story.
There are some irrelevant stuff and comments that can be rid.
Like, "I suddenly felt the need to stay indoors; I was not able to withstand the cold weather." What does his inability to withstand the cold weather has anything to do with the Mr Notherland?
That's just one example, and again, a suggestion.
Awesomeness! XDD
Deli .x
Interesting plot.
Very enigmatic and spiritual.
I'm enlightened by the supernatural theme in this one chapter.
Very well done.
You should get rid of the unnecessary narration in the opening of the story.
There are some irrelevant stuff and comments that can be rid.
Like, "I suddenly felt the need to stay indoors; I was not able to withstand the cold weather." What does his inability to withstand the cold weather has anything to do with the Mr Notherland?
That's just one example, and again, a suggestion.
Awesomeness! XDD
Deli .x
6/3/2010 c1 ranDUMM
Hey,
Thank you for your review :) Here's mine in return.
I have to commend you on your ability to describe things. It's really well written, so well done on that aspect :) I felt that a few of the paragraphs were slightly lengthy, and I also felt that you could have maybe shortened it a litle bit. That's all from me, a really great story, keep writing!
ranDUMM
Hey,
Thank you for your review :) Here's mine in return.
I have to commend you on your ability to describe things. It's really well written, so well done on that aspect :) I felt that a few of the paragraphs were slightly lengthy, and I also felt that you could have maybe shortened it a litle bit. That's all from me, a really great story, keep writing!
ranDUMM
5/31/2010 c2 1esthaelum
I think this one is better than the first. It seem more carefree and easier to understand. I like how the whole idea is rather random and unique. I love how everything is also relaxed and calm. The conversations were nice to read, they brought a smile to my face =D
From the Roadhouse~
1esthaelumI think this one is better than the first. It seem more carefree and easier to understand. I like how the whole idea is rather random and unique. I love how everything is also relaxed and calm. The conversations were nice to read, they brought a smile to my face =D
From the Roadhouse~
5/31/2010 c1 28Robin Leigh
A nice start. I like you're detailing skills and the descriptions, and how you didn't reveal everything about the narrator all in the first chapter.
28Robin LeighA nice start. I like you're detailing skills and the descriptions, and how you didn't reveal everything about the narrator all in the first chapter.
5/30/2010 c1 8Kobra Kid
I liked the second one more! The first one seemed a little too...stiff for me. But the second one was great! It was random, which I like, but I DEFINITELY enjoyed it! The descriptions are great, and the whole story had a...what's the word?...harmonic feel to it. There were a few confusing sentences, but I'm sure you can spot them if you take a quick look through it! :D. Great job! :D.
-B. Cross
8Kobra KidI liked the second one more! The first one seemed a little too...stiff for me. But the second one was great! It was random, which I like, but I DEFINITELY enjoyed it! The descriptions are great, and the whole story had a...what's the word?...harmonic feel to it. There were a few confusing sentences, but I'm sure you can spot them if you take a quick look through it! :D. Great job! :D.
-B. Cross
5/30/2010 c2 Broken Bird
I read "A Persistent Dream". I started reading the first one, but it seemed too formal, almost like a business log or some sort of study that the main character had to write. I got a little less than halfway through.
I liked the second one more. It's a random topic, but a pretty good story. I like the descriptions. They seem... calm, I guess. The whole thing has a very relaxed feel, the perfect thing to read on a Sunday morning.
A few things were a bit confusing, but the main one was "I told her my name and in return got hers but again remained silent" Does that mean that she stayed silent, or he did? Maybe it's a typo?
It also might help if you separated the stories. Many authors have several one shots. That way you can have the small description for each one. Of course, its just a thought.
Keep writing! ;)
-via the Roadhouse
I read "A Persistent Dream". I started reading the first one, but it seemed too formal, almost like a business log or some sort of study that the main character had to write. I got a little less than halfway through.
I liked the second one more. It's a random topic, but a pretty good story. I like the descriptions. They seem... calm, I guess. The whole thing has a very relaxed feel, the perfect thing to read on a Sunday morning.
A few things were a bit confusing, but the main one was "I told her my name and in return got hers but again remained silent" Does that mean that she stayed silent, or he did? Maybe it's a typo?
It also might help if you separated the stories. Many authors have several one shots. That way you can have the small description for each one. Of course, its just a thought.
Keep writing! ;)
-via the Roadhouse