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8/11/2012 c6 ADayWithNoLaughterIsADayWasted
i really love this story(: please update soon!
and in response to your AN:
umm.. i think i like Desirae. her name is pretty awesome(:
i think Caroline is an interesting character and i want to find out more about her.
it seems to me that Desirae is trustworthy. she did save Caroline's life, and she has the spade tattoos...
8/11/2012 c2 ADayWithNoLaughterIsADayWasted
You asked for a review with my thoughts. Well my thoughts OMG THIS IS SO GOOD! :D this is a seriously awesome story I love the plot idea :D
5/25/2011 c3 3AJ Garcia
120 pounds? She must be deathly skinny! Because I'm a 120 lbs and I'm like a young teen! Well, actually it's a toss up between 110 and 120, but oh well! Wow that hand must really be hurting. And shouldn't she be a little worried about her cut? On her leg? (Or was that the other guy?)
5/25/2011 c1 AJ Garcia
Oh my! I think this is getting good! How old is she anyway?
1/8/2011 c6 This Account is Inactive
"...my entire weary [body]. It was as if a million swords pierced every single inch of my [body]." When you read it, it sounds as if these two words are too close together. Like you're repeating yourself. Maybe you could say, "...every single inch of my [being]." Or something like that...

"All of that blood...[]all of the smoke...[]all of the death." There should be spaces there.

"All I cared about was getting out...[]alive." You need a space.

"...exasperated at Strover who arrested me, at the [Pandora] for attacking Port Ruby..." Even though you can't see it in this review, some of the letters in the word were not italicized while others were.

"The rich black fabric matched her sleek her perfectly..." What were you trying to say?

Aww... Poor, creepy, old guy... Does the fact that Desirae has spades on her hands mean that she was a member of the crew...? As always AMAZING!
1/8/2011 c5 This Account is Inactive
"sixty six days ['to] live before the black spot consumes you." It should be, ['til].


"Creepy old man." Ha ha!


"At the end of the hallway, engraved into the walls, and luckily my sword, gun[,] and sheath [was] waiting for me on them." I don't even know where to start with this one. "At the end of the hallway, engraved into the walls..." What? What next? "and luckily my sword, gun[,] and sheath [were] waiting for me there."

"...so...[]malodorous..." There should be a space.

"...[its'] name..." The word [its] without an apostrophe means "belonging too" [it's] is a contraction that means "it is"

"Pirates swarmed the town[,] like little parasites." You don't need a comma.

"...the soil was drenched with sin, blood[...] and death." You need a comma there.

"I don't think that [neither] of us wishes to go down there." That should be [either] otherwise you are using a double negative.

"...jump right into Hell, [if you ask me]." This part sounds a little strange when read aloud.

"What ['tis] it?" He asked me." First off, "tis" doesn't need an apostrophe. And secondly, the word "tis" is the old version for "it is", so he should just say, "What is it?"


Whoa... Surprise ending! Right when you start to expect her to be able to get out of anything and everything... Can't wait to find out what happens next!
1/8/2011 c4 This Account is Inactive
Wow... That little bit of information took the story in a whole new direction. There will probably be a sense of desperateness now, of urgency. LOVE it!

Grammatical errors and whatnot:

([...]Bound and gag her." He ordered.) You forgot the first quotation mark.

(...so maybe some [where] coming.) I think that you meant [were].

(I [glance] down at them.) It should be [glanced].

P.S. Are you still working on this one?
1/8/2011 c3 This Account is Inactive
How does she know everyone's name...?

I really want to know what this black spot thing is and what it is doing to her... It's SOO GOOD! I know that I've said that a million times, but it's true... :)
1/8/2011 c2 This Account is Inactive
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! The fight scenes are amazing, Caroline is awesome because she reminds me a lot of my cousin Camille, and I absolutely LOVE actions stories about pirates, outlaws, sword fighting etc.! This is one of my favourites EVER!
1/8/2011 c1 This Account is Inactive
This is REALLY good. Your descriptions are very well done. It makes the reader feel like they're there. The freezing salt water, the endless ocean, the weakness, the hope when you FINALLY see land... You really tapped into all the sensations. That is exactly how it would be in real life! Only, one question, how big is the piece of wood she's one? It would need to be big enough to kind of, sort of lay on it other wise she would have lost all her strength from fighting the waves and drowned.

"I was focused on surviving and not on [how] I look like." It should be [what].

Something else, wouldn't the sword and the gun and any other metal on her be covered in rust from the salt water?

OMG This is SO good! Must... Keep... Reading... Ha ha!
1/4/2011 c5 1StoryMonster

The ending was SO good!

You seem to have a penchant for endings.


Oh, looks like I'm your 200th reviewer.

Keep writing, ,and you're awesome!
1/4/2011 c6 StoryMonster
The ending was bloodcurdling and so was the whole description and everything.

I love it!

So hurry up and UPDATTEE!
12/31/2010 c4 StoryMonster
The black spot!




He he, I'm your 198th reviewer.
12/23/2010 c2 StoryMonster
Sorry I couldn't read and review earlier - load of stuff happened.

Anyways, pretty interesting chapter.

Could have done with better descriptions.

And you need to improve the grammar a little.

But you certainly have a wonderful knack for cliffhangers.


Great going!

And sorry if I won't be able to review later. I certainly will read, it's just that, I have NO time.
12/11/2010 c1 flight06
It is an interesting story.

Yet, between inconsistent tenses, and quite a lot of telling, rather than showing, I found myself wondering how I might have written it differently.

Mostly it the show vs tell battle, although the changing tenses doesn't help much.

I would suggest getting more into the scene. That way the reader will infer feelings, rather than being told them.

But, it is not a bad chapter, really. Good start, just tighten the writing.
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