for The Harbinger Book2/22/2010 c1 xSoPrettyInPainx
This is really well written. I suggest you continue it because its' very interesting! Awesome concept, btw. :D
This is really well written. I suggest you continue it because its' very interesting! Awesome concept, btw. :D
2/10/2010 c1 Wendy Thompson135th
Homophones, words that sound alike but have different meanings, are always a problem. 'Intern' is what the young doctors in _Gray's Anatomy_ are. In turn, which is what you should have used here: '..which _intern_ was inside an enormous ...', means in due course, in order.
'...one was a boy, whom which was born first.' ~~Not whom here. '...who was born first.' In fact, to avoid the whole problem, try: '...and the first born, a boy.' ~~when in doubt, rephrase.
'A son has been born by the way of the King and Queen!' Awkward, and I'm not sure what is important here. If the important fact is that the King and Queen have a son, try 'A son has been born to the King and Queen'. If it's the fact that a random male child has arrived on Earth, try: 'A boy has joined humanity, via the King and Queen.' ~~which construction emphasises the couples' roles as uninvolved vessels, if that was what you meant. As I said, I'm not sure what you meant here.
"The youngest daughter will be named Sarah, and it means 'princess'." ~~There are only two daughters, so one is older and one is younger. Youngest, and any superlative, must involve three: Cute, Cuter, Cutest. Young, younger, youngest. If you rephrase: "The youngest child, a daughter, will be named Sarah, and it means 'princess'." ~~it works perfectly. If you change youngest to younger, like this: "The younger daughter will be named Sarah, and it means 'princess'." ~~it also works.
Isn't 'Alexa' just 'defender'? Alexander, or Alexandra, would be 'defender of mankind'.
Homophones, words that sound alike but have different meanings, are always a problem. 'Intern' is what the young doctors in _Gray's Anatomy_ are. In turn, which is what you should have used here: '..which _intern_ was inside an enormous ...', means in due course, in order.
'...one was a boy, whom which was born first.' ~~Not whom here. '...who was born first.' In fact, to avoid the whole problem, try: '...and the first born, a boy.' ~~when in doubt, rephrase.
'A son has been born by the way of the King and Queen!' Awkward, and I'm not sure what is important here. If the important fact is that the King and Queen have a son, try 'A son has been born to the King and Queen'. If it's the fact that a random male child has arrived on Earth, try: 'A boy has joined humanity, via the King and Queen.' ~~which construction emphasises the couples' roles as uninvolved vessels, if that was what you meant. As I said, I'm not sure what you meant here.
"The youngest daughter will be named Sarah, and it means 'princess'." ~~There are only two daughters, so one is older and one is younger. Youngest, and any superlative, must involve three: Cute, Cuter, Cutest. Young, younger, youngest. If you rephrase: "The youngest child, a daughter, will be named Sarah, and it means 'princess'." ~~it works perfectly. If you change youngest to younger, like this: "The younger daughter will be named Sarah, and it means 'princess'." ~~it also works.
Isn't 'Alexa' just 'defender'? Alexander, or Alexandra, would be 'defender of mankind'.