11/2/2010 c1 secret
ITS SO AMAZING!
ITS SO AMAZING!
3/2/2010 c1 25Kyllex
This was really cute! I love the way they both think the other one doesn't ever notice them. I especially love Evan's girly thoughts, haha. HOW SWEET! Good job. (:
You should try getting a beta, though, because you slip up on grammar and spelling quite a bit. But other than that it was great!
This was really cute! I love the way they both think the other one doesn't ever notice them. I especially love Evan's girly thoughts, haha. HOW SWEET! Good job. (:
You should try getting a beta, though, because you slip up on grammar and spelling quite a bit. But other than that it was great!
2/27/2010 c1 15perfectly bemused
Wow, ironic much? I wonder how many times this actually happens? There were a few things that didn't really seem to flow with your writing, but overall, it was okay. I think another reviewer mentioned that you were missing some articles (a) and there are also a few places where you didn't capitalize a word or two.
It was funny though, Evan's point of view more so, but maybe because we already knew how the girl felt, did she have a name? I honestly can't remember. It's also interesting how she was more concerned about her fingernails than anything else. I did like the line about having an attention span of a toothpick, that was pretty good.
Wow, ironic much? I wonder how many times this actually happens? There were a few things that didn't really seem to flow with your writing, but overall, it was okay. I think another reviewer mentioned that you were missing some articles (a) and there are also a few places where you didn't capitalize a word or two.
It was funny though, Evan's point of view more so, but maybe because we already knew how the girl felt, did she have a name? I honestly can't remember. It's also interesting how she was more concerned about her fingernails than anything else. I did like the line about having an attention span of a toothpick, that was pretty good.
2/26/2010 c1 tigrrrlily
i like it a lot! its so cute when two people like each other and they don't know it... *sighs*
i like it a lot! its so cute when two people like each other and they don't know it... *sighs*
2/15/2010 c1 1wAy2sAy3woRds4U
me likey(:
very funny:D
(and i dont think theres anything wrong with posting 'please review'on ut own reviews, it is ur page and u can do wat u want with it)
update soon!
me likey(:
very funny:D
(and i dont think theres anything wrong with posting 'please review'on ut own reviews, it is ur page and u can do wat u want with it)
update soon!
2/14/2010 c1 17mousegirl05
Heya, this was quite funny. *smiles* I like how they both apparently have no concept of reality in which they both think they are worse than they are and maybe even think the other is better than they are. *snicker* It's an amusing work and I enjoyed reading it. I liked when his mom took after him with the cushion. That was a nice touch. Several places I noticed that you were missing an article ('a') before certain words... Also, while I realize it was Evan thinking, and therefore, usually can be a little looser as far as grammar rules, the phrase 'be beat up' is really awkward. 'he’d get beat up' or 'be beaten up' is much less stumbly-esque (yeah, that’s a made-up word). I mention this because while many people may tell you or think that grammar and even *gasp* punctuation are ridiculous things to pay attention to, when they’re done right, they’re not even noticed and yet make work feel so much more mature and developed. *laughs* On another note, this isn't something you asked for, but you did ask for a review: in general, while it’s cool to ask for reviews and state what kind you’re looking for (i.e. general, critique, fluffy, like/didn’t like, etc.) either at the beginning or end of the work, it’s kinda bad form to post a review on your own work, asking for reviews. It just comes across as a little childish and begging a little too hard. People will leave reviews or they won’t. Asking them to in such a way will probably turn away some that might have otherwise, but in all likelihood won’t make anyone do so who wasn’t already planning to. I realize that this is coming across high-handed and perhaps a little arrogant. I apologize for that. I certainly am not trying to ‘come down’ on your, only share what I’ve learned in my years in on-line communities. Like I said, this piece was funny and it’s apparent you have a knack for humor. Keep working at it!
Heya, this was quite funny. *smiles* I like how they both apparently have no concept of reality in which they both think they are worse than they are and maybe even think the other is better than they are. *snicker* It's an amusing work and I enjoyed reading it. I liked when his mom took after him with the cushion. That was a nice touch. Several places I noticed that you were missing an article ('a') before certain words... Also, while I realize it was Evan thinking, and therefore, usually can be a little looser as far as grammar rules, the phrase 'be beat up' is really awkward. 'he’d get beat up' or 'be beaten up' is much less stumbly-esque (yeah, that’s a made-up word). I mention this because while many people may tell you or think that grammar and even *gasp* punctuation are ridiculous things to pay attention to, when they’re done right, they’re not even noticed and yet make work feel so much more mature and developed. *laughs* On another note, this isn't something you asked for, but you did ask for a review: in general, while it’s cool to ask for reviews and state what kind you’re looking for (i.e. general, critique, fluffy, like/didn’t like, etc.) either at the beginning or end of the work, it’s kinda bad form to post a review on your own work, asking for reviews. It just comes across as a little childish and begging a little too hard. People will leave reviews or they won’t. Asking them to in such a way will probably turn away some that might have otherwise, but in all likelihood won’t make anyone do so who wasn’t already planning to. I realize that this is coming across high-handed and perhaps a little arrogant. I apologize for that. I certainly am not trying to ‘come down’ on your, only share what I’ve learned in my years in on-line communities. Like I said, this piece was funny and it’s apparent you have a knack for humor. Keep working at it!