for Pink Cookie Valentines
12/14/2010 c1 E. N. Dawson
I definitely liked the beginning. You have an engaging style, it's unique and animated. The one line sort of spacing you've set up kind of threw me off at first. And I think it would help it later on if it were grouped into longer paragraphs... Around where Ms. Madison enters the room, it gets really fast paced, almost rushed. So, I admit I got a bit lost.
I get the feeling I may be reading a one-shot that's supposed to be part of a different story? And maybe that's why I'm lost?
I definitely liked the beginning. You have an engaging style, it's unique and animated. The one line sort of spacing you've set up kind of threw me off at first. And I think it would help it later on if it were grouped into longer paragraphs... Around where Ms. Madison enters the room, it gets really fast paced, almost rushed. So, I admit I got a bit lost.
I get the feeling I may be reading a one-shot that's supposed to be part of a different story? And maybe that's why I'm lost?