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for Coriander

5/29/2010 c1 9Callie McRea
hey hey !

Guess what! I remember reading this is english!

ah I love knowing such a great writer like yourself!

so i'm going to start updating again!


Again loved it gunna keep reading!
4/4/2010 c4 skehl
Hey, I finally remembered to register first. Anyway, the story is still coming along well. In the beginning of the chapter I would change "Five minutes" to something else, just because one of the characters in the part is named Five. It could be confusing. I liked Corinne's editor and the contrast between her and Paul.
4/4/2010 c3 Stephanie
The change is a little abrupt between Coriander and Corinne's perspective. I suppose it could grab the reader's attention, but it also could leave them confused. This scene shows more of Corinne's and Elsa's characters which I like, but it is a little short.
4/4/2010 c2 Stephanie
I like how you left the reader confused about just what had happened in Coriander's meeting with the two cats. The humor with Five's name was well placed and certainly left a contrast to the end of the last chapter. I can't wait to see what happens next.
3/1/2010 c1 4lookingwest
I didn't like that Coriander and Corinne had such similar names. I know that you're probably making them that way to maybe show similarities, but I think all it did for me was sort of confuse me in parts because when I was reading I couldn't keep who was straight unless I went back and reread.

I really liked the very simplistic and minimalist approach to the first part. I like it because of that and because it just gives short terse sentences that really have a distinct image attached to each word. It really drove me to be enthused about the rest of the piece.
3/1/2010 c5 4Brian William Barry
Ah I see, cool ending. I really like this chapter, I like the development of relationships in this chapter, with Coriander and Diggory as well as the one with Elsa and Corinne. I thought the first few sentences should have been at the end of the previous chapter. Other than that it's pretty amazing. The nightmares were so so vivid. The use of imagery is so great. I could really imagine the bleakness of the nightmare and how scared Elsa was when she was alone in the dark. Great job, keep going.
2/28/2010 c1 Stephanie
Chapter 1

I like the contrast between the incoherent human thoughts and the ordered thoughts of the cat in the beginning. It was a unique way to introduce your two characters and your story's interesting point of view. The description of the cat's day shows a knowledge of cats, but it could use something. The imagery at the end is amazing.
2/25/2010 c4 Brian William Barry
Very good, I liked Nihil :) nice characterization. Someone who calls himself nothing, that's pretty cool. Something to think about when you first mention Cavanaugh's. I would have said "...went straight to Cavanaugh's, a cozy little book store..." something like that. Also great pick up chapter, has that nice feeling at the end, I am really enjoying this story so far.
2/23/2010 c3 Brian William Barry
I liked the simplicity of this chapter, the way it just states how we see people every day that we don't know or acknowledge. But when we interact with these people, it feels distant. Corinne's interaction with Elsa displayed this perfectly. Oh and I love Coriander's opening paragraph being careful to cover her tracks. That was good. I'm really liking this.
2/23/2010 c2 Brian William Barry
Whoa! Coriander can talk, that was a shock. From the first chapter you could feel the cat was not a normal cat. And now we know that she's intelligent. That was surprising. The part with Elsa was short and I didn't understand it, maybe more could have been added. I was just so wowed by the fact that she can talk. I love the way you personified Coriander. You can tell that she's intelligent and that she understands her master when she talks. Very good. Keep going.
2/22/2010 c1 Brian William Barry
Alright so I really enjoyed this. Which is pretty cool, considering I don't read fantasy. Now what I enjoyed about this is how I can imagine every part about this story so far. I can imagine what the cat looks like, I can imagine every moment from Corinne waking up, rushing out the door, sitting in class, and even the confusion of the first incident. Also the syntax, yes the sentence arrangement was great there was great use of imagery that made it come off the page at me. I also loved the characterization I like the character Archer even without major dialouge, and Corinne is a wonderful character. It also urges me to read on. I want to know what happens with this cat and what's gonna happen later. Cant wait for the next chapter.

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