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for A kiss of suicide

3/22/2010 c1 1Triizore
The last two paragraphs had some gramatical errors (I have put them here so you can use them if you wish, but it is your story and I have no rights to tell you to change it):

I know the only way to stop me feeling this way is to die. I breath in deeply again, the strong wind pushing me to jump. Just as I bend my knees and it all would be over, I hear a hoarse, sweet voice screaming for me to stop. I turn around and am face to face with the Caleb, his looks worn out. His beautiful icy blue eyes were red and puffy from crying, much like my own. His lean body is as gorgeous as ever, but there is something wrong, he does not smile Caleb looks so sad. Realisation hits me knowing it is me that has caused him to be sad, more of the reason to kill myself. Caleb walks closer towards me, silent tears spill from my eyes.

"Caleb, leave, this is my fate not yours" I try to tell him but he wont listen, instead he takes my hand in his own. A familiar spark sets of from the touch, he looks at me deeply and whispers:

"My fate, Sebastian, was always your's too" I lean in closer and kiss his lips one last time.

"I thought you hated me" I whispered upon his lips, relishing the new taste, I never knew the taste of death could be so sweet.

Caleb pulled back and said "I could never hate you, my love" We smile at each other and jump; I close my eyes and hold onto my Caleb as we both fell to our deaths. My first assumption as to how I would die was right.

The sharp rocks cut into our flesh, Caleb's neck must have broken straight away. My death was slower, paralysed from neck down I didn't feel the blood seep through my clothing. I didn't feel my ribs break crushing my once full beating heart. My eyes began to blur as I turned my head and looked towards our entwined fingers, and smile. Slowly my breathing stops and blackness consumes me. Then I see a bright light so beautiful, so inviting. I walk towards it, but I am not alone. My best friend, my lover, Caleb is on my right side walking with me into heaven. Our fingers still entwined, a smile touches my lips and silent tears yet again fall from my eyes as I think, 'not even death, will prevent this love'

Always remember to start a new paragraph when someone talks.

Sorry for being a grammar nazi, but these few edits would improve the readability of your story.

~ Triizore.
3/17/2010 c1 sammy721996
sad:(

but a great story

i love the name caleb!

hot

yeah its really good!

Keep writing!
2/22/2010 c1 10meme12
Hi there meme12 here! A sweet romance that could have blossom but to end in such a tragic fate... I nearly cried after reading this... I love the way the feelings are portrayed in this story and I hope you would right more soon!

Meme12

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