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for Goosebumps

6/10/2012 c1 28a-perpetual-hiraeth
This poem makes me feel very cold. Very alone. But I sense that you intended for this poem to have that effect, so nice work.
4/4/2012 c1 76The Autumn Queen
Nicely written. I love the imagery. I just have one nitprick...well, two or three perhaps. About your commas. The second stanza: "Goosebumps arise slowly,/ covering every inch..." - I can't help but think that perhaps the comma would go better between arise and slowly, but as it isn't one of those that really changes the meaning. It's more the rhythmic setup for the final line in that stanza that makes me think so.

The real nitprick is the third stanza. No commas, and I think the first two lines should end with them, and your fourth line too, seeing as it seems to continue somewhat into the next stanza.

Your second last stanza...I think would have worked better if, instead of the commas, you had ellipses in the first line and the next three as separate phrases, separated by a fullstop rather than a comma. I personally feel it would have been more dramatic.

I know it's rather picky, but the fact that you're drawing me into such detail means your poem really is good, and more than that, holds something special.
10/26/2011 c1 AriCeleste
Haunting. I felt goosebumps, and a little sad along with it. Great poem.
7/11/2011 c1 tutu
you must get alot of your reviews from friends or begging people to review you. I dont understand how this can get so many reviews. It was OKAY and you could have done better. It was a bit boring and barely touched anything deep. Kind of superfical. Is that how all of your writing is?
4/20/2011 c1 31HK Shmetty
I've had this feeling way too much lately. Hate the feeling, but absolutely love this. Amazing :)
3/19/2011 c1 23thrivingivory852
Wow. this is amazing! definately an intense and emotional piece. love your description of how the speaker feels. great job :)
12/23/2010 c1 Father Christmas
I really like the two different connotations for goosebumps that you put into this. Firstly, the feeling that you get when someone familiar touches you; altogether pleasant and welcoming. Secondly, the chill of the breeze and sad realization that there wasn't anything familiar there all along. Really brilliant, and lovely.

The only thing I didn't really care for was the lack of rhythm. I felt a little disjointed, like they could've all been passed off for complete sentences but managed to get broken up into little phrases. There were a lot of powerful phrases (To know you're still here; to be us again; You never will be.), but I wish it would've flowed together a little bit more cleanly.

I really enjoyed this, and from your summary I hope you get back into the swing of poems soon. You have great potential and I think you're just grand.

Happy Holidays!

12/13/2010 c1 5Victoria Stokes
i came by your profile by chance... and thought i'd review!

this poem's amazing, i love it :) poetry's never really been my thing, but this is so great. you can really feel the pain of it. that's not easy to do so perfectly. so awesome :)
12/12/2010 c1 this wild abyss
Congratulations on placing third in the November Review Marathon!

I really liked the flow and pace of this poem. The entire piece felt cohesive and put together, and I found that this was an enjoyable read because of this. The words were easy to follow, but they still had a weight behind them.

The last stanza was particularly powerful, I thought. I loved the narrator's tone. It felt very resigned and certain, but there was still a final note of hope, and though I'm not entirely sure how you managed to pull that emotion off through such a dismal passage, it was beautiful.

In my opinion, this is one of your better poems.
9/28/2010 c1 1backseat compromises
I love this poem - somehow I can totally feel what you're trying to put across here and the words in italics, for some reason, sent chills down my spine. Great job.
9/18/2010 c1 May Elizabeth
"All I ever needed was you.

Through my open window,

a breeze,


a chilly realization.

You're not here.

You never were.

You never will be."

This was my favourite part, because I related to it the most.

"As you fall into me,

your skin and mine merging again,

remembering how it feels to be together again,

to be us again."

I love the imagery here. Sensual but not too tmi.
8/10/2010 c1 lymli
it's kinda chilling since in the ending you let the reader know that person never were there.
7/3/2010 c1 174a silenced revolution
i like the concept, and the emotion definitely came through. however, i think if you added some more poetic language, like metaphors or figurative speech, it could be a stronger piece overall.
6/13/2010 c1 9ace danger
I really liked the ending! I thought it was going to be just another angsty love poem and then you threw that it - I love it! I also love the repetition in the last stanza: "You never were. / You never will be." It was so final.
5/30/2010 c1 64fatbird33
at the beginning i thought it was going to be a little cheesy, but you surprised me with the ending. i like how it plays with goosebumps and all its forms
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