Just In
for 0 to 60 in 2point4

4/19/2010 c5 5LilyWolfe
aw, they got married! It's a very prose heavy chapter, if you're thinking of editing it then add a couple of lines to break up the description? In anycase I thought the Imam's story about the husband and wife and the doll was hilarious! anymore?
3/16/2010 c2 3raycel44
I really liked the start of your story, it was a normal day then suddenly boom! everything changes! I like it very much. hope you can Read and Review mine too. Keep updating! ^^
3/15/2010 c1 3TellHerStory
I am really liking this. I like how its kind of poetic. I really like how you described the accident and how his lif flashed before his eyes. Keep it up.

And thanks for the review. And I like your writing style as well.
3/9/2010 c1 8MyMagicbeans
i like the pace of this chapter and i like the 'voice' of ibrahim. he has a knack for spotting things, it is probably what makes him a good 'rat'. spotting beauty, spotting danger, spotting investments (or so my mind has led me to imagine).

i like the "bang",it's veryeffctive in setting the atmosphere and subsequent action. it sounds childish but it works so well here it would seem out of place without it.

i like "back when girls had cooties". good imagery, good use of language to tell us how long ago it was without actually stating "this many years ago". it helps the flow of the story too.

you do seem to drift in an out of tenses (i do hte same without realising) past tense mostly "I found an infant" and then present "the sirens have been ringing"

also in speech, you're missing the punctuation at the end. (, . ! ?)

my favourite aspect is his name. Ibrahim Ahmed. A muslim name and it's nice to see a story with a muslim protagonist that is not centered on terrorism.and better yet..involves a plane and a train crash!

daring but not tastelss, it is the world's ultimate fear and i like that you adress it on a human level. can't wait to read more!

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service