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for Spirit

6/10/2010 c1 3Cucumber-girl
It's a pity about the crazy formatting here, cause it's a good poem! I'm guessing it's about America, but I don't know.
3/1/2010 c1 Mneme's Requiem
You're right, I don't think I can catch what you're really making this poem about, but I like it nonetheless. I love the format, and I know it's obvious why you did it, but I really like the 'Spirit of...' lines 'cuz they describe what happened beforehand. ...I hope you get what I meant there.

Anyways, I can feel a strong sense of hope in this poem, like, no matter what happens, no matter if everyone and everything is against you, you should still trudge on. Really nice meaning there, if I got it right ;3
3/1/2010 c1 22lipleaf
I'm pretty sure that this is the site, not you, but you really want to look into ways to fix the formatting of this poem. As it is, the capitalization is totally out of place, the flow is awkward, and the aesthetic appeal is also low. There are two things I can think of that might help- first is the typical single-space method, where you hold down shift and then press enter. The second is writing in html format (which we now have to do on forum posts. The way to do that is to type in p / wherever you want a paragraph break (remove the spaces.)

Ignoring that, however, my biggest complaint is the lack of periods. Not having any makes the poem seem kind of run-on like. Sometimes it works for a stream-of-consciousness feel, but it's awkward in this case.
3/1/2010 c1 4Brian William Barry
I like it, you make good use of an epic type of language that's just perfect. I would suggest that it's a bit short, maybe it's just the way it's formatted on the site but it feels rushed. On a good note it does have that epic feeling to it as well as a certain heaviness like you can feel the burden that this character feels. The use of words like trudging, obstacles, perseverance... just gives it a heavy yet fulfilling aspect. It really makes it satisfying to read and I think you should expand upon that. I may be off base here but I would describe her surroundings, what is she overcoming? What does this Spirit seek?

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