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for The Governess

4/27/2010 c1 dreamshell
The premise is a pretty solid one, with lots of potential mileage. I liked the stuff about Minnie’s background, particularly all the fantastic adventures her father took. The weapons and their histories were fun and the descriptions of Mr. Knock were very good and creepy, and his/its origin sounds like it was probably inspired by real life, which gives it some extra resonance. I also like that this series seems to be connected to the Cunningham Queen one (which would also be cool to see more of).

It seems like you did (and do) quite a bit of research. I’m wondering what inspired you to write this. Actually, I’m wondering what inspired a lot of your writing.

There were a few typos throughout, words that aren’t the ones that should be there (“shoulders” instead of “soldiers” being one that stuck out), and some other notable oddities, like;

“She was British, hired by the Runtle Family for perhaps that reason, and her soft voice brought to mind the grandeur and nobility of her country.” This sentence might work better earlier on.

“Minerva looked at herself in the mirror…” This is sort of a lazy way to get more of the character’s features across.

“…where no white man had ever seen…” This sounds awkward. Is it supposed to be “been”?

“Still, she did not hate her father.” I think this sentence might work better as the start of the paragraph that follows it.

Overall, it could use another run-through, but reads well enough as is to spare you my full Grammar Nazi wrath. =D
4/20/2010 c5 622Jave Harron
I have to say, a demonic circus is definitely an awesome destination for Minerva and kids. Still, a lot of the stories follow a similar formula: kids run afoul of supernatural horror, Minnie reacts with kick ass, and kids face final decision regarding said horror. This is just a minor quip, but I'm sure you'll have plenty of new twists to come!
4/1/2010 c4 Jave Harron
Well, it seems with the amount of supernatural creatures the Runtle family ends up dealing with, the kids had learned their lesson and stay away from them. Or at least tell Minnie. She's a like kick-ass Mary Poppins.
3/25/2010 c3 Jave Harron
Very cool chapter here. Tugg was pretty fun to read, with his skeptic bit, and the vampires were awesome. These ugly, nasty vampires are the sorts I prefer to read about. Nasty beasts, and a nice creepy manor.
3/25/2010 c2 5Russell Figgins
It takes really big balls to fight a God in a dress.
3/23/2010 c1 Russell Figgins
wow, hard hitting and relentless.
3/15/2010 c2 622Jave Harron
I did like this chapter, especially the Clockwork Hydra. It's amazing that Minnie can carry a violin case and all those weapons outside, though.
3/6/2010 c1 Jave Harron
I did like this chapter and character a lot. As far as Victorian ones go, this one's a bit more interesting than Cunningham Queen to read. I'm really liking Minnie and her monster-bashing ways.
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