for Fabula Crepusculum3/28/2011 c1 conleyswifey
very well written. I understood it very well and dusk has always been my favorite time of day. I find the night to be so peaceful. You did a great job with the descriptions and it formed an almost awe inspiring picture in my mind. Great job!
very well written. I understood it very well and dusk has always been my favorite time of day. I find the night to be so peaceful. You did a great job with the descriptions and it formed an almost awe inspiring picture in my mind. Great job!
3/20/2011 c1 
2dragonflydreamer
I love the word choice. It creates such vivid images and establishes a tone of wonder and awe.
Also, a very interesting topic. I like how you take a common cliche and turn it upside down. I love when poems change the way I view things.
[Tell the world, o Knight,
To believe in the darkness
For it holds answers] I loved those lines.
My one suggestion would be to keep an eye on the flow. A lot of lines were very self-contained and there was a pause at the end of them too often, which made this a little chunky to read. That's a shame, because internally in the lines, the words flowed well together.
~Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
2dragonflydreamerI love the word choice. It creates such vivid images and establishes a tone of wonder and awe.
Also, a very interesting topic. I like how you take a common cliche and turn it upside down. I love when poems change the way I view things.
[Tell the world, o Knight,
To believe in the darkness
For it holds answers] I loved those lines.
My one suggestion would be to keep an eye on the flow. A lot of lines were very self-contained and there was a pause at the end of them too often, which made this a little chunky to read. That's a shame, because internally in the lines, the words flowed well together.
~Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
3/19/2011 c1 2Orin Forever Crimson
This story-poem was very well written and you kept to form quite well. I also like to explore the concept that dusk is the beginning rather than the end. Of course, that might have to do with the fact that I would be largely nocturnal if not for the fact that the rest of the world functions during the day and forces me to as well.
Sincerely,
Orin a.k.a JLL
2Orin Forever CrimsonThis story-poem was very well written and you kept to form quite well. I also like to explore the concept that dusk is the beginning rather than the end. Of course, that might have to do with the fact that I would be largely nocturnal if not for the fact that the rest of the world functions during the day and forces me to as well.
Sincerely,
Orin a.k.a JLL
3/10/2010 c1 3Dragonette101
Nice! u go gurl
k? I luvd the poem BUT kida hard 2 understand im like what?
no offence
i like the way you have described the enviornment (if thats correct according to you)
But totally its really gud.
Keep it up! :)
P.S: try to reveiw mine as well (please)
3Dragonette101Nice! u go gurl
k? I luvd the poem BUT kida hard 2 understand im like what?
no offence
i like the way you have described the enviornment (if thats correct according to you)
But totally its really gud.
Keep it up! :)
P.S: try to reveiw mine as well (please)
3/8/2010 c1 82steffxnie
Very nice haikus! They flow wonderfully and I think you did a great job phrasing the words. The similes and metaphors add more to the images and I love the expressions here. It's hard to fit in the words because of the syllables, but you've managed it well. A lovely piece. Keep writing!
82steffxnieVery nice haikus! They flow wonderfully and I think you did a great job phrasing the words. The similes and metaphors add more to the images and I love the expressions here. It's hard to fit in the words because of the syllables, but you've managed it well. A lovely piece. Keep writing!