3/18/2010 c1 34the sun softly smiles
Love the opening two lines - they are perfect. It feels like you try a teensy bit too hard to rhyme in the first two stanzas, though - your images and diction are beautiful, but it's like the rhyming... stunts them? But I am just not a huge fan of rhyming to begin with, so don't mind me :)
Some more punctuation would help it flow a little better, but I rather like the lack of a period at the end. I also adore "perhaps I'm still unthawed".
All in all, nice work.
~Leila
Love the opening two lines - they are perfect. It feels like you try a teensy bit too hard to rhyme in the first two stanzas, though - your images and diction are beautiful, but it's like the rhyming... stunts them? But I am just not a huge fan of rhyming to begin with, so don't mind me :)
Some more punctuation would help it flow a little better, but I rather like the lack of a period at the end. I also adore "perhaps I'm still unthawed".
All in all, nice work.
~Leila