for Zelione: The Illusionary9/28/2011 c8 GoneAway-MightNotBeReturning
I love how you incorporate the flashbacks into the present time of Anya's story, because it adds a certain depth and contrast to it, which gives it an all-in-all very lifelike feel.
The characterisations of Sirian and his mother Katilene I found to be extremely interesting and the last sentence of the chapter, where Sirian says Anya can have the bed, has this feel of finality to it but also a feel that there are worse things to come.
~ Daphne
I love how you incorporate the flashbacks into the present time of Anya's story, because it adds a certain depth and contrast to it, which gives it an all-in-all very lifelike feel.
The characterisations of Sirian and his mother Katilene I found to be extremely interesting and the last sentence of the chapter, where Sirian says Anya can have the bed, has this feel of finality to it but also a feel that there are worse things to come.
~ Daphne
9/28/2011 c7 GoneAway-MightNotBeReturning
*reviewing as I read*
I really love your descriptions, because they paint a really sombre feel to the situation and also have a Russian-esque feel. Like Anastasia in an alternate universe.
I'm really glad you didn't make Soland a cardboard villain, but a very sympathetic character who I just love. (I promise I'll try not to gush about Soland :D)
I love how you gradually build up the suspense in the chapter so "Bam!" it just hits in in the face at the end, so the reader feels this overpowering urge to read on...
~ Daphne
*reviewing as I read*
I really love your descriptions, because they paint a really sombre feel to the situation and also have a Russian-esque feel. Like Anastasia in an alternate universe.
I'm really glad you didn't make Soland a cardboard villain, but a very sympathetic character who I just love. (I promise I'll try not to gush about Soland :D)
I love how you gradually build up the suspense in the chapter so "Bam!" it just hits in in the face at the end, so the reader feels this overpowering urge to read on...
~ Daphne
6/9/2011 c11 
15Katalina Tomas
Wow... powerful writing. It makes this story very enthralling. The plot is also interesting to follow. I can't wait for your next chapter! If you could, could you check out my story Excess and give me some feedback? It would mean a lot to me.
15Katalina TomasWow... powerful writing. It makes this story very enthralling. The plot is also interesting to follow. I can't wait for your next chapter! If you could, could you check out my story Excess and give me some feedback? It would mean a lot to me.
6/5/2011 c11 99Dreamers-Requiem
I really liked that chapter. Although not much happens action-wise, I still think you managed to keep the reader's interest through the interactions between the characters and the explanations. Great stuff. It's interesting because, although I stick by what I said with keeping her name and such being a bad idea if she's in hiding, I guess hiding in plain sight could work and seeing that from the POV of people who are meant to be looking for her adds to that. Good job, can't wait for the next chapter.
99Dreamers-RequiemI really liked that chapter. Although not much happens action-wise, I still think you managed to keep the reader's interest through the interactions between the characters and the explanations. Great stuff. It's interesting because, although I stick by what I said with keeping her name and such being a bad idea if she's in hiding, I guess hiding in plain sight could work and seeing that from the POV of people who are meant to be looking for her adds to that. Good job, can't wait for the next chapter.
5/31/2011 c11 67LunaoftheLight
This story is very good. The well-established cast of characters keeps things from getting too confusing, which is extremely useful in a story where things could become so easily confused. I didn't catch any glaring grammatical errors, and the dialogue flows pretty comfortably. The one thing I took issue with was the casual use of magic. Will we get an explanation of how magic works? It seems there are many situations where magic would've been useful to Anya, yet we really only see her use it once, to conjure a ball of fire. What are the restrictions of magic in this world?
Thanks for the great read! I don't read much straightforward fantasy here on fictionpress, but I found myself enjoying this more than I expected. Keep up the good work, I can't wait for the next chapter! -Luna
67LunaoftheLightThis story is very good. The well-established cast of characters keeps things from getting too confusing, which is extremely useful in a story where things could become so easily confused. I didn't catch any glaring grammatical errors, and the dialogue flows pretty comfortably. The one thing I took issue with was the casual use of magic. Will we get an explanation of how magic works? It seems there are many situations where magic would've been useful to Anya, yet we really only see her use it once, to conjure a ball of fire. What are the restrictions of magic in this world?
Thanks for the great read! I don't read much straightforward fantasy here on fictionpress, but I found myself enjoying this more than I expected. Keep up the good work, I can't wait for the next chapter! -Luna
5/31/2011 c10 99Dreamers-Requiem
good chapter, I think the transistion between present, recent past and long-ago past were done really well; the chapter as whole flowed really smoothly, so good job with that. Hmm, my logic for this would be that they're hiding themselves like Anya is, even if it was just for self-preservation I'd say they'd keep her secret, too. And I thought they were aware she was the princess? Or at least had guessed that much? Anyway, good stuff like I said, keep it up!
99Dreamers-Requiemgood chapter, I think the transistion between present, recent past and long-ago past were done really well; the chapter as whole flowed really smoothly, so good job with that. Hmm, my logic for this would be that they're hiding themselves like Anya is, even if it was just for self-preservation I'd say they'd keep her secret, too. And I thought they were aware she was the princess? Or at least had guessed that much? Anyway, good stuff like I said, keep it up!
5/30/2011 c11 5xrisblack
soo... can she do magic? i mean, does she know more than lighting a flame and turning things pink?
5xrisblacksoo... can she do magic? i mean, does she know more than lighting a flame and turning things pink?
5/30/2011 c10 xrisblack
yeay! :D so, they weren't all destroyed.
hey so.. question. if you are a witch you are from zelione... but are all the ppl born there witches?
yeay! :D so, they weren't all destroyed.
hey so.. question. if you are a witch you are from zelione... but are all the ppl born there witches?
5/30/2011 c9 xrisblack
the suspense! ooo. whats in the closet? will she finally confide? how will she save her people?
the suspense! ooo. whats in the closet? will she finally confide? how will she save her people?
5/28/2011 c5 xrisblack
so... i have to say that fodore is not my preferred displayment of a bad guy... he's evil, like always. i guess i keep picturing him as the nazi from inglorious bastards, but he's ur character, not that...
anyway, good chapter
so... i have to say that fodore is not my preferred displayment of a bad guy... he's evil, like always. i guess i keep picturing him as the nazi from inglorious bastards, but he's ur character, not that...
anyway, good chapter
5/28/2011 c4 xrisblack
we gonna see some spark finally? very good... though soland seems like a nice guy.
okay, so didn't realize she was royalty.. no wonder she can do the royal life so well... hmm
we gonna see some spark finally? very good... though soland seems like a nice guy.
okay, so didn't realize she was royalty.. no wonder she can do the royal life so well... hmm
5/27/2011 c3 xrisblack
... i guessed this... i really did... just cuz, well that would be an interesting story
so can she do magic?
... i guessed this... i really did... just cuz, well that would be an interesting story
so can she do magic?
5/27/2011 c2 xrisblack
and the plot thickens! i don't have any negative feedback so jsut shoutin' out that i like this a lot!
and the plot thickens! i don't have any negative feedback so jsut shoutin' out that i like this a lot!
5/27/2011 c1 xrisblack
what time period is this ish? it seems like someone has created the destruction of magic.
very cool, tugged me right in and didn't let go. kudos!
what time period is this ish? it seems like someone has created the destruction of magic.
very cool, tugged me right in and didn't let go. kudos!