7/26/2010 c3 1esthaelum
It was nice to know more about Anya's past. Jaim and Lenia seemed like really nice people. And aaww! Anya was so adorable when she was six. I can just imagine her talking to them, whilst holding up six fingers when they asked how old she was. :3

Roadhouse~

7/23/2010 c3 this wild abyss
Interesting developements. I totally didn't see the father/son relationship coming. Thanks for keeping me on my toes! It was a nice surprise, for sure. I really love the way you portray your characters. It's very true to life and realistic sounding. Very nice!

7/23/2010 c1 this wild abyss
Whoa, dude! This really starts off with a bang, doesn't it? Very nice. I liked how you incorporated the flashback into the scene. It was a nice technique that gave quite a bit of back story without suffocating the reader. However, I did feel that you could have added a tiny bit of the main character's emotions. After all, this guy killed her family, so I don't think she'll like him very much. You might have shown a little bit of her rage or hatred or whatever it is she's feeling towards him.

7/22/2010 c1 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Herro there. Guess this one will be the only story I'll be reviewing for the night. It's getting like 5 plus in the morn now. -.- Anyway, I can see that you've got an interesting tale of revenge in the making here with all the possible political intrigue thrown into the picture as well. Anya seems to be an interesting character to mold in the future. However, I'm afraid that my own critique will be the order of the day here.

Basically, it's everything about Anya. For starters, while I like your decision to create a scenario of her past, you should have given her a stronger show of emotions overall. It's like what I've seen here would only be her thoughts on her own loss. Try to include the emotions card be it via a direct means or leading the whole thing thing via her thoughts. Try to make her own feelings of loss and hatred very real in such a way that the readers can relate to her. If it's possible, try to use her traumatic past as an outlet to give the readers a certain clue on her personality.

Another thing I can suggest in improving is her own views on the current system of rulership. Try to use her own experience to create a bitter and cynical view on the present state of the kingdom. And i don't mean it in terms of how the whole area is ruled. Is there any form of visible corruption from within? What about the possibility of external threats? Any real danger of a potential civil war in any way or form? In addition you can actually expand it's current state beyond into that of the common civilians both physically and mentally. Like how well they are in terms of wealth, any possible rich-poor divide, their state of mind towards the comparison between the current and previous rule, any significant differences in the policies impact wise due to the change of rulers, etc. All these could go a long way in letting the readers know more about her as a character especially since she's intended to be your main character. Apart from that, nothing much to say.

P.S: Will send you a PM on which story I hope for you to return.

Add P.S: I know I'm being too critical for a first time reviewer on your story. Sorry if I sound too mean and harsh here. I don't mean to. :(

- From The Roadhouse. :)

7/22/2010 c2 31ByYourSide
I like that Anya's matured and has somewhat conformed to the rules of her society. It shows that she's changed as a character. It makes her very realistic.

Soland doesn't seem so awful. I can picture his uniform, though. I wonder what sort of person he really is-whether he's truly evil, or whether he's good deep down and really loves Anya.

And poor Sirian. I wonder what will become of him. Will he become a rebel? A soldier? Finally get together with Anya? So much can happen.

Good second chapter. :)

7/1/2010 c1 Vici Daily
Nice! Really good so far, can't wait for an update! :D

~Angela

3/26/2010 c1 30sophiesix
“The crowds' cheers were deafening.” I love the concept; the image. But passive voice in a first sentence? Hmm. I’m thinking an active verb would draw the reader in better? At least, it would for me. Especially seeing as the second sentence is passive too. Something like: “The crowd’s cheers deafened her?”

“Everything flooded back and she found herself thrust back in time.” I find the second clause a bit redundant, because the first but has already nicely set up the flashback?

Gosh I’m in a pruning mood tonight (sorry) “pitter patters” or just ‘patter’?

“off the stone floor of her castle.” For me, and its probably just me, I wouldn’t stopped at stone floor, because castle put me in Disneyland, and destroyed the nice sombre feeling you had going? Especially seeing as you have castle later on anyway.. although see as you have fairy elf and goblin, maybe the Disneyland castle thing isn’t so much of a bad thing?

“Every crack of lighting and boom of thunder startled them” nice I like that

“Anya touched her cheek.” Is this in the present? It’s a really sweet touch if it is, but I wasn’t sure because there was nothing much with it to say for sure? I’d love to see the contrast between her, lost in the sorrow and yearning of the flashback, surrounded by the ecstatic crowd? Just an idea.

“And where are you're children” your

“"Stay here, Anya. Stay silent," her brother said. He left her. Fondore smiled. Another bang left her world empty.” How did her brother get out of the wall? Why didn’t fondore search for her too, when he saw him appear?

I’d agree with Mizzuz Spock on the had said’s, had sneered’s, etc. you don’t need so many once its established that we are in the flashback.

I like the three ‘ten years ago’ in the kings speech, but the fourth feels too much?

Nice start: you’ve engineered a really interesting present, already dvlped a tragic backstory, and introduced two main protagonists: phew! That’s a lot of ground to cover in one short chapter, so well done!