for To Grace The Sun4/10/2010 c5 eternita
What an interesting, funny and charming character. This story is so refreshing, I love it.
What an interesting, funny and charming character. This story is so refreshing, I love it.
4/10/2010 c5 
10HoodedStellaish
I screamed in my friend's ear when I saw the email (I was on the phone) that you'd updated. She was more than a little confused. haha.
Being your little helper, I'm here to help a few things that I caught.
I had worked at the pizza parlor for three weeks now, and Daniel and I had a mutual agreement. I wouldn't accuse him of being a *murder* and what he was going to do I didn't remember, but he insisted that since we were co-workers, we had to get along If you didn't catch what I was trying to say, murder means someone was murdered. You were trying to say murderer, meaning the criminal. It confuses us all!
"I will-"I shrugged, looking around the mall for nothing specific" someday, when I have time Quotations are tricky, and after you end a quote put a space behind it. At the end of a quotation (i.e.) "'He was going to the mall,' he said." always, ALWAYS, put a comma if it would end in a period. If it ends in an exclaimation mark or questionmark then it's fine. And the "He said" is always lower case if it's indiciating who was talking. Now, if it's an "I" then feel free to keep it capital.
He looked actually shocked to say the least" A period at the end of this one that doesn't have a "he/she said" after it.
Helpful? HOPE SO! UPDATE SOON!
Stella
10HoodedStellaishI screamed in my friend's ear when I saw the email (I was on the phone) that you'd updated. She was more than a little confused. haha.
Being your little helper, I'm here to help a few things that I caught.
I had worked at the pizza parlor for three weeks now, and Daniel and I had a mutual agreement. I wouldn't accuse him of being a *murder* and what he was going to do I didn't remember, but he insisted that since we were co-workers, we had to get along If you didn't catch what I was trying to say, murder means someone was murdered. You were trying to say murderer, meaning the criminal. It confuses us all!
"I will-"I shrugged, looking around the mall for nothing specific" someday, when I have time Quotations are tricky, and after you end a quote put a space behind it. At the end of a quotation (i.e.) "'He was going to the mall,' he said." always, ALWAYS, put a comma if it would end in a period. If it ends in an exclaimation mark or questionmark then it's fine. And the "He said" is always lower case if it's indiciating who was talking. Now, if it's an "I" then feel free to keep it capital.
He looked actually shocked to say the least" A period at the end of this one that doesn't have a "he/she said" after it.
Helpful? HOPE SO! UPDATE SOON!
Stella
3/31/2010 c4 HoodedStellaish
Omigosh, that guy...I thought his name was Daniel? I was like, "Who the hell is David? Oh, maybe I need to recap."
Haha, so UPDATE SOON!
I love that you're adding more details on the characters too!
Stella
Omigosh, that guy...I thought his name was Daniel? I was like, "Who the hell is David? Oh, maybe I need to recap."
Haha, so UPDATE SOON!
I love that you're adding more details on the characters too!
Stella
3/29/2010 c3 bonghi
A funny story and a very charming girl. I read, laugh and enjoy myself. Can't wait till Monday.
A funny story and a very charming girl. I read, laugh and enjoy myself. Can't wait till Monday.
3/24/2010 c3 4SmileEnthusiast
Loved it! I think that this was a very piecing-together-chapter(?). It had a lot more information than the others! I like how I can relate with Olivia, because I also have an older brother that acts like he is hot stuff(which he isn't), and I miss time with him(never admitting that to his face though)... Ok so I think that will be enough of my wonderful rambling!-not very wonderful is it?
I can't wait 'til the next chapter,
SE(:
4SmileEnthusiastLoved it! I think that this was a very piecing-together-chapter(?). It had a lot more information than the others! I like how I can relate with Olivia, because I also have an older brother that acts like he is hot stuff(which he isn't), and I miss time with him(never admitting that to his face though)... Ok so I think that will be enough of my wonderful rambling!-not very wonderful is it?
I can't wait 'til the next chapter,
SE(:
3/24/2010 c3 10HoodedStellaish
Okay, VERY nice. I liked her brother more than I'd originally thought. That Daniel guy -ROFL. Can't wait for him to show up again, he made everything funnier in this story. KEEP WRITING!
Stella
10HoodedStellaishOkay, VERY nice. I liked her brother more than I'd originally thought. That Daniel guy -ROFL. Can't wait for him to show up again, he made everything funnier in this story. KEEP WRITING!
Stella
3/21/2010 c2 4SmileEnthusiast
Haha! I love how Olivia will just have sudden outburst, like screaming fire! I can tell that this is going to be a really good story. Keep up the good work, and the funniness(is that a word? add shrug here)
Hope you update soon,
SE(:
p.s. I'll be waiting
p.p.s. I am not a creeper(-.-;)
4SmileEnthusiastHaha! I love how Olivia will just have sudden outburst, like screaming fire! I can tell that this is going to be a really good story. Keep up the good work, and the funniness(is that a word? add shrug here)
Hope you update soon,
SE(:
p.s. I'll be waiting
p.p.s. I am not a creeper(-.-;)
3/21/2010 c2 10HoodedStellaish
Trust me, you made my day. "It was a painful time for me, when everybody thought I was actually white… PAINFULL I tell you!" *Dies of laughter* Oh, my lordy lord that made me laugh so hard. And then when she ran out screaming blood murder? PRICELESS. I really like this story so far, as for the name...I'll have to read more to "help" you if you'd like.
Stella
10HoodedStellaishTrust me, you made my day. "It was a painful time for me, when everybody thought I was actually white… PAINFULL I tell you!" *Dies of laughter* Oh, my lordy lord that made me laugh so hard. And then when she ran out screaming blood murder? PRICELESS. I really like this story so far, as for the name...I'll have to read more to "help" you if you'd like.
Stella