for To Grace The Sun7/3/2010 c10 sara
i totally forgot to review i was going to say 'e truly has an icebox where his heart used to be." that's from a song eh? I know that song..
Oh..
i totally forgot to review i was going to say 'e truly has an icebox where his heart used to be." that's from a song eh? I know that song..
Oh..
7/1/2010 c3 LiV
this is funny (: haha does she have mental issues? like in all seriousness, is she retarded somewhat?
this is funny (: haha does she have mental issues? like in all seriousness, is she retarded somewhat?
6/30/2010 c7 
2tifferz92413
I love this story. please don't quit writing. *drops down on knees and begs* lol
2tifferz92413I love this story. please don't quit writing. *drops down on knees and begs* lol
6/28/2010 c18 lover of all written
Amazing, just plainly amazing!:D
I can't believe it's over though but it was so adorable! I simply love Daniel and Olivia! aw. cute, just cute.
Amazing, just plainly amazing!:D
I can't believe it's over though but it was so adorable! I simply love Daniel and Olivia! aw. cute, just cute.
6/27/2010 c18 Snexy
I loved it but it's sad to see it end. This was so great!:D Continue with the good work, i still can't believe it's over.:( I love daniel, he's awesome!:D
I loved it but it's sad to see it end. This was so great!:D Continue with the good work, i still can't believe it's over.:( I love daniel, he's awesome!:D
6/25/2010 c3 21Uncle Rupert
Here's a question for you. if she doesn't know the name of the girl on the phone, how is she able to describe her?
21Uncle RupertHere's a question for you. if she doesn't know the name of the girl on the phone, how is she able to describe her?
6/25/2010 c2 Uncle Rupert
The storyline is coming along nicely. There was one thing i have noticed with your descriptions of your characters that maybe could do with re-working. There is nothing wrong presay but it's very, bang,bang, bang. Factaul is ok but personally i find it boring to read. It maybe just me, i have big issues about writters wasting time on clothing. i really don't care about their black skinny jeans, black top and studded belt or their pink dress and glittery heels and matching handbag. i would preferr something more like - They were going through an emo faze, a rebellion against their lawyer divorced parents or she was a fashion queen, the neat freak in her would near allow something so small as a hairslide to not mesh with her outfit. it's enough for the reader to get the persons look and a bit about their personality without going overboard. your story isn't too bad but i have seen some shocker ;p the same thing goes for the way you describe their looks. it's very factual, blue eyes, blonde hair. there is nothing wrong with it but it would be an easy edit just to spice things up a bit. lol now your finished the whole story i bet you never want to look at it again but if you do these are just some small ideas to change. :) i still really like her brother, i love him.
The storyline is coming along nicely. There was one thing i have noticed with your descriptions of your characters that maybe could do with re-working. There is nothing wrong presay but it's very, bang,bang, bang. Factaul is ok but personally i find it boring to read. It maybe just me, i have big issues about writters wasting time on clothing. i really don't care about their black skinny jeans, black top and studded belt or their pink dress and glittery heels and matching handbag. i would preferr something more like - They were going through an emo faze, a rebellion against their lawyer divorced parents or she was a fashion queen, the neat freak in her would near allow something so small as a hairslide to not mesh with her outfit. it's enough for the reader to get the persons look and a bit about their personality without going overboard. your story isn't too bad but i have seen some shocker ;p the same thing goes for the way you describe their looks. it's very factual, blue eyes, blonde hair. there is nothing wrong with it but it would be an easy edit just to spice things up a bit. lol now your finished the whole story i bet you never want to look at it again but if you do these are just some small ideas to change. :) i still really like her brother, i love him.
6/25/2010 c1 Uncle Rupert
i liked her brother.
ok i don't know if you realised this but there is a rather funny mistake. you have union instead of onion.
union - like the people who come in and fight for workers rights
onion - think shrek lol food of some description, is it classed as a vegetable? hmm that is one to ponder on.
i liked her brother.
ok i don't know if you realised this but there is a rather funny mistake. you have union instead of onion.
union - like the people who come in and fight for workers rights
onion - think shrek lol food of some description, is it classed as a vegetable? hmm that is one to ponder on.
6/25/2010 c18 Caraline
best. story. ever. !
haha i loved it! you are definately a talented writer ;)
best. story. ever. !
haha i loved it! you are definately a talented writer ;)
6/24/2010 c4 Mob
Mop actually... It's mop the floor. If you mob the floor then there would have to be more than one person, a mob is a group of people... :S
Mop actually... It's mop the floor. If you mob the floor then there would have to be more than one person, a mob is a group of people... :S
6/24/2010 c1 Union
It's onion actually..? A union is either when two things join together or a group for workers who want to have fair and equal rights... I'm thinking you're spelling is bad.
It's onion actually..? A union is either when two things join together or a group for workers who want to have fair and equal rights... I'm thinking you're spelling is bad.
6/24/2010 c18 MoManiac
:) it was cute! The only thing that bugged me was the whole union thing... Union is pronounced yoonyun, like the union of two or more things, but the food is spelled onion... Yeah. :)
:) it was cute! The only thing that bugged me was the whole union thing... Union is pronounced yoonyun, like the union of two or more things, but the food is spelled onion... Yeah. :)
6/23/2010 c18 6EmmaWoodhouse88
Yay a happy ending! lol. I loved how he felt the need to go brush his teeth. It was hilarious. :) That was a good reason for disliking Adam though I suppose. I'm really sad that this story is over. Are you going to write a sequal? I hope you do. I'm not sure if I had asked you that before.
6EmmaWoodhouse88Yay a happy ending! lol. I loved how he felt the need to go brush his teeth. It was hilarious. :) That was a good reason for disliking Adam though I suppose. I'm really sad that this story is over. Are you going to write a sequal? I hope you do. I'm not sure if I had asked you that before.
6/23/2010 c18 gracie-p
Perfect ending for a perfect story :) I absolutely adore Daniel and Olivia, they're such a cute couple. Anyway, keep writing! :D
Perfect ending for a perfect story :) I absolutely adore Daniel and Olivia, they're such a cute couple. Anyway, keep writing! :D