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6/22/2010 c18 12fictionsymphony
Awe that was the most perfect ending! I seriously love it. I love Janet in this although i would have liked to know what happened with her and Adam. :-)
6/22/2010 c18 10HoodedStellaish
First off, I just wanted to say that as your number 1 reviewer (by one, I mean your first), that it's been a fantastic journey with you. I remember seeing the summery of this story, then saw that there were no reviews. I immediately thought, "Hey, let's cut the kid some slack and give that person a review because I haven't had very many reviews. I now how hard that is." So, I did. And wow, I made the right choice! You're an amazing author and I will continue to follow your work. :P

Now, my first note is that before you look at my notes, PLEASE remember that these are just things I picked up. Everyone gets excited for posting the final chapter, you miss things, etc. It happens to me, ALL the time...

::Charlotte seemed nice and I was glad I was sitting with here now, instead of Kathryn.:: That was a typo in the word "here," right?

::You passed with excellence, he had said...:: The "You" in the his sentence wasn’t italize so I was a little confused on if it was supposed to be italize or if he was just putting emphasis on it. That is a personal question, by the way, not something you need to change. :P

::Not helping me to concentrate on one thing, instead a black haired boy.:: This sentence flat out confused me. See, the whole sentence doesn’t have a predicate (subject), so what is this black haired boy doing? We know that he’s distracting her in the other sentences leading up to this one, but it was still very confusing.

::Last time I checked myself - which was today, when I was in the bathroom in school -:: You really don’t need that coma in between “…today, when…” because if you say it out loud the coma really doesn’t need to be there. It can be there, but it doesn’t need to be.

::I looked like I always did - I had my usual curly hair, glasses and freckles. Normality, really.:: The dash stands for a break in the sentence, which can easily be confused with a coma pause. “…did - I had…” That dash can be made into a coma, because a break is like (for example), “All four of them—Bob, Jeffrey, Jason, and Brett—did well in college.”

::You know, kinder garden younger.:: Kinder garden. I used to think this was how it was spelt, but nope. Some guy decided to change that and mess with everyone’s minds. It’s actually spelt “kindergarten.”

::"Not that long, just two weeks or three.":: One this I found about this (when Janet was talking to Olivia about Adam), was that Janet was asking Olivia around three questions at this time. Her last question/statement was about how she thought Olivia was a lot younger than Adam. Can you see where I’m going with this? If not, how I took it (as the reader) was that Olivia was “Not that long, just two weeks or three,” younger than Adam. How to avoid the reader thinking this is to add this after that. “‘…or three,’ I said, ignoring her other questions.”

::"What - What do you mean? Why wouldn't I?":: The “What - What…” thing. Yeah, here’s the deal with those. If you’re going to use a dash like the way you did, push the words together, and use a lower case letter for the second part. It makes it easier to read and indicates a stutter. So it would be, “Wha-what?” that would make it a lot easier to read.

::As she walked out of the stairs, I leaned back on my bed.:: I think that was a typo. :P (By the way, the “she” in this sentence was Janet. I hate it when people don’t give me hints to where they found this .
6/22/2010 c18 sandcastlesinthesand

I can't believe it's over!

Love this story!

It's kind of sad, you know?

Also, I was thinking about this story today. So I was happy to see an update!

Great story! Thanks for writing!

And actually finishing it.

I hate when people don't finish stories that I love!



[Even though I don't know you. But I've developed a sort of... invisible, non existent bond with you over my love of this story.]


PS I ate this with my favorite dessert. It made it even better.
6/22/2010 c17 Snexy
I loved and I can't believe that the next chap is the last one.NO! This story rocks! Good work!
6/22/2010 c17 6EmmaWoodhouse88
If you are talking about growing better in erring this story, then yes I think you have. It seems to male more sense now. I still want to know what the problem between Daniel and adam is. I thunk that Daniel is telling the truth in saying he doesn't hate Adam, so then what is the matter between them? I can't wait to see what happensnext!
6/22/2010 c17 Fay
*Speechless* I think these guys beat me to it. They are good fans. Perpare yourself, I am going to do something evil. You can kill me later (see how nice I am for giving you the permission? But do not say I didn't warn you that life will be pre-etty boring without me running around like crazy:P)...BUT! YOU PROMISED, CHICKA! You promised that you would do a ONE-SHOT with you-know-who (obvious much?) and I (put my hand on my heart) souley believe that your fans would be over exctatic! That is, if you guys motivate this chita to write a ONE-SHOT for Adam and Janet (Chimp):D Go on...you know, you wanna:D Did anybody even noticed this review? Not so speachless now, am I? *evil expression alongside with an evil laughter*. Du vet at du elsker meg:D
6/21/2010 c17 lover of all written
yes, daniel in this chapter!:D

very good and you did improve. Good work and update soon!
6/19/2010 c17 Caelynn
I can't even read the whole thing, excitement and all that. I'm just relieved that the silence wasn't dragged out. Maybe it still will be or whatever but at least Daniel knows why. Misunderstandings are only fun when they benefit. :)
6/19/2010 c16 Caelynn
Such a good turn and yet a worse one with it. Kathryn should get on her knees and beg for forgiveness. Heh, I bet that Olivia's going to have to do the same in the future.
6/19/2010 c17 1OhYikesCharlie
OhMyGosh, I love your story!

Please don't make the next chapter the last!

Or... do a sequel or something *Makes puppydog eyes* Please?

And I'm so jealous your holiday started over there!

we have like 5 weeks left!

oh well, update soon please :D
6/18/2010 c15 Caelynn
'I don't know why.' Pssh. And I expected Adam to react that way. He was overprotective before and it was easy to tell that there was something going on between him and Daniel and it wasn't a good something. Why wouldn't the Mom stay and try to talk with her kids. Instead, she drops the bomb and walks away. Nice.
6/18/2010 c17 12fictionsymphony
I can't believe this story is ending. I really love it and i do believe your writing has grown. I really look forward to reading the ending of this.
6/18/2010 c17 10HoodedStellaish

I'm with you on the tired express. I got a puppy and I'm exhausted all the time. It doesn't help that I had a bad "health" day, so it's all fine now.

:: Dad used to stay in his study for hours and hours', just doing God knows what :: There was that random appastrophe after "...hours'," that I was like...err? So, that was all I caught.

I am so sorry that I can't give you more than that! You're writing has improved. A LOT! You're awesome! Keep writing!

6/17/2010 c16 LlamaAndMe
i knew that adam's mystery girl was janet b/c i remembered the day at the pizza place and what kat told her about the party. I also knew who adam just hated. im really good at puzzles. this story is a puzzle and i love it!
6/16/2010 c16 snexy
Yes! I'm late on the review but life hectic!

this is great and I can't wait for more! :D
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