for To Grace The Sun6/16/2010 c16 lover of all written
This is awesome and I can't wait for the next chapter! hurry up man!
This is awesome and I can't wait for the next chapter! hurry up man!
6/13/2010 c16 gracie-p
Aww poor Daniel. I'm starting to hate her brother for making her promise that! Grr. Update soon!
Aww poor Daniel. I'm starting to hate her brother for making her promise that! Grr. Update soon!
6/12/2010 c16 
1OhYikesCharlie
YAY, new chapter!
Update, really, really soon :D
Please? I'll give you a virtual cookie ;D
1OhYikesCharlieYAY, new chapter!
Update, really, really soon :D
Please? I'll give you a virtual cookie ;D
6/11/2010 c16 12fictionsymphony
Oh how much I really hate her brother for making her promise that! I mean seriously that's terrible. I really don't like that part of this chapter at all. But I did like it when she stood up to Kathryn. She deserved to be told that she wasn't a nice person. Update soon. :)
12fictionsymphonyOh how much I really hate her brother for making her promise that! I mean seriously that's terrible. I really don't like that part of this chapter at all. But I did like it when she stood up to Kathryn. She deserved to be told that she wasn't a nice person. Update soon. :)
6/11/2010 c16 10HoodedStellaish
Personal: I think Adam could use a good punch in the face so he'll EXPLAIN why he's telling Olivia to stay away, or be locked up in a cellar until some girl decides that maybe he isn't a jerk anymore.
I'm done now. ;P
Here are my lovely notes!
:: Like you see in movies, when couples are sleeping in the bed and wake up the next day and start to make out all of the sudden. Excuse me, but that's so disgusting. It doesn't' matter how good looking you are, when you wake up, you'll for certain have that icky, infamous morning breath. :: First off, there is *nothing* wrong with this. I just wanted to point out that it made me laugh really hard.
:: I took two or three bites of my smashed potato. :: You said that English wasn't your first language, so this is a pretty thing to miss. Don't worry about it. The "It" I'm talking about is "...smashed potato." I'm not sure if that's something you eat, but we usually call it a "mashed potato."
:: "Evading means that you're," I paused to swallow my food before continuing, "Avoiding something. Just like you're doing now." :: The A in “avoiding” does not need to be capitalized. Why? When the break off (I.e. “I paused to swallow my food before continuing,…”) ends in a comma before continuing it’s still apart of the first quote. This is one of the only exceptions to the “Always capitalize at the beginning of a quotation,” next to something like, “I was walking the ‘dog.’” Meaning she probably thought it wasn’t a dog but a monster in dog form.
:: I tried to make my voice soft as I said, "Adam, you know you control it. :: I think you mean, “…Adam, you know you had *no* control in it.”
:: I thought he forgot about it, but there was no such luck. How could he forget about it? it happened only few hours ago. :: Typo. The second “it” is supposed to be capitalized. :P
:: I wore a a tank top and a cardigan over the tank top. :: Whoa. I had no idea Olivia had a stutter! I’m just kidding. That was mean, I’m sorry.
:: Even if I did want to see Daniel so badly, so badly. :: This is a *personal* suggestion. Try saying, “…see Daniel so, so badly.” Because, “…so badly, so badly,” kind of sounds like you’re repeating yourself and that makes it hard to read.
And that was it! Phew. That was fun. I hope you get more reviews! And people reading your chapter and not reviewing may or may not be a good thing. I just avoid the “hits/visitors” thing now. I’m happy if I get at least 3 reviews per chapter.
So, keep writing, you’re awesome! I’ll send some of my favorites from the forum your way for some constructive criticism.
~Stella
10HoodedStellaishPersonal: I think Adam could use a good punch in the face so he'll EXPLAIN why he's telling Olivia to stay away, or be locked up in a cellar until some girl decides that maybe he isn't a jerk anymore.
I'm done now. ;P
Here are my lovely notes!
:: Like you see in movies, when couples are sleeping in the bed and wake up the next day and start to make out all of the sudden. Excuse me, but that's so disgusting. It doesn't' matter how good looking you are, when you wake up, you'll for certain have that icky, infamous morning breath. :: First off, there is *nothing* wrong with this. I just wanted to point out that it made me laugh really hard.
:: I took two or three bites of my smashed potato. :: You said that English wasn't your first language, so this is a pretty thing to miss. Don't worry about it. The "It" I'm talking about is "...smashed potato." I'm not sure if that's something you eat, but we usually call it a "mashed potato."
:: "Evading means that you're," I paused to swallow my food before continuing, "Avoiding something. Just like you're doing now." :: The A in “avoiding” does not need to be capitalized. Why? When the break off (I.e. “I paused to swallow my food before continuing,…”) ends in a comma before continuing it’s still apart of the first quote. This is one of the only exceptions to the “Always capitalize at the beginning of a quotation,” next to something like, “I was walking the ‘dog.’” Meaning she probably thought it wasn’t a dog but a monster in dog form.
:: I tried to make my voice soft as I said, "Adam, you know you control it. :: I think you mean, “…Adam, you know you had *no* control in it.”
:: I thought he forgot about it, but there was no such luck. How could he forget about it? it happened only few hours ago. :: Typo. The second “it” is supposed to be capitalized. :P
:: I wore a a tank top and a cardigan over the tank top. :: Whoa. I had no idea Olivia had a stutter! I’m just kidding. That was mean, I’m sorry.
:: Even if I did want to see Daniel so badly, so badly. :: This is a *personal* suggestion. Try saying, “…see Daniel so, so badly.” Because, “…so badly, so badly,” kind of sounds like you’re repeating yourself and that makes it hard to read.
And that was it! Phew. That was fun. I hope you get more reviews! And people reading your chapter and not reviewing may or may not be a good thing. I just avoid the “hits/visitors” thing now. I’m happy if I get at least 3 reviews per chapter.
So, keep writing, you’re awesome! I’ll send some of my favorites from the forum your way for some constructive criticism.
~Stella
6/11/2010 c16 6EmmaWoodhouse88
Um still trying to figure out what is up between Adam and Daniel. Is it that daniel thinks of Janet as a sister and doesn't like tw way that Adam is treating her? What will daniels reaction to her ignoring him be? I can't wait to see what happensnext!
6EmmaWoodhouse88Um still trying to figure out what is up between Adam and Daniel. Is it that daniel thinks of Janet as a sister and doesn't like tw way that Adam is treating her? What will daniels reaction to her ignoring him be? I can't wait to see what happensnext!
6/11/2010 c16 Fay
I nearly wanted to rip out her throat with my bare hands. Hhehe, naah. 0livia is good girl\character. I not big fan of this chapter, but I'm still am. You cut Daniel out (bringin his name doesn't count, he have to actually be there)and Adam was in there. So ...*biting my lower lip* ... I'm stuck between in the middle. HOW IN THE HOWIE DID THE HAVE THE WILL TO WALK AWAY? I cannot wait for the next chapter:D Although, I'm beyond happy that you are nearly completing this story, it is still sad that you are ending it:( Heck yeah, woman! This summer is defiently going to be off the hok!
I nearly wanted to rip out her throat with my bare hands. Hhehe, naah. 0livia is good girl\character. I not big fan of this chapter, but I'm still am. You cut Daniel out (bringin his name doesn't count, he have to actually be there)and Adam was in there. So ...*biting my lower lip* ... I'm stuck between in the middle. HOW IN THE HOWIE DID THE HAVE THE WILL TO WALK AWAY? I cannot wait for the next chapter:D Although, I'm beyond happy that you are nearly completing this story, it is still sad that you are ending it:( Heck yeah, woman! This summer is defiently going to be off the hok!
6/10/2010 c15 1OhYikesCharlie
YAY, I love this chapter the best :)
Adam's so cute when he's protectivee of Olivia! Do more chapters like this :)
Please?
Oh, and update soon please!
:D
1OhYikesCharlieYAY, I love this chapter the best :)
Adam's so cute when he's protectivee of Olivia! Do more chapters like this :)
Please?
Oh, and update soon please!
:D
6/6/2010 c15 Fay
No warning. No qurrey. No heads up. But I'm more than happy for you posting this chapter *chuckles. One advice: Dont refe'r your audince as only firls. What if the boys bail on you:P? Just kidding. Jeg kom nettopp hjem, så det føles herlig. The divorce and Adam punching Daniel certaintly came as a suprise to me. A dlighting suprise, of course. *Trying to sqeueel like a girl - Italian accent* It's all so very exciting:D Can't wait for the next chapter *grinning*.
No warning. No qurrey. No heads up. But I'm more than happy for you posting this chapter *chuckles. One advice: Dont refe'r your audince as only firls. What if the boys bail on you:P? Just kidding. Jeg kom nettopp hjem, så det føles herlig. The divorce and Adam punching Daniel certaintly came as a suprise to me. A dlighting suprise, of course. *Trying to sqeueel like a girl - Italian accent* It's all so very exciting:D Can't wait for the next chapter *grinning*.
6/5/2010 c15 6EmmaWoodhouse88
I can see why he reacted that way, obviously there is some missing background informaion on Daniel and Adam that we don't know about. I wonder what it is? I can't wait to see what happensnext! I'm not exactly shocked about their parents divorce either. I kind of suspected something like that was going on. What is going to happen next? I can't wait to find out! Are you goin to write a sequal? I hope you do. This story is amazing!
6EmmaWoodhouse88I can see why he reacted that way, obviously there is some missing background informaion on Daniel and Adam that we don't know about. I wonder what it is? I can't wait to see what happensnext! I'm not exactly shocked about their parents divorce either. I kind of suspected something like that was going on. What is going to happen next? I can't wait to find out! Are you goin to write a sequal? I hope you do. This story is amazing!
6/5/2010 c15 lover of all written
Great chapter, keep it up with the good work :D
Great chapter, keep it up with the good work :D
6/5/2010 c15 Snexy
I KNEW THAT HE HATED DANIEL, I JUST KNEW IT :DD
more :D:D
I KNEW THAT HE HATED DANIEL, I JUST KNEW IT :DD
more :D:D
6/4/2010 c15 10HoodedStellaish
Personal feelings aside, that "Adam hating Daniel" is really good. It adds that little mystery that keeps everyone reading, because, frankly, after that kiss, it all gets so -boring. -.-
Here's the things I picked out.
::I remember when I was younger and I fell to the ground - nose first - and bled. That hurtvso badly.:: Is that a typo I see? :P It happens all the time, don't get mad.
::I may myself use words like dang, damn, heck and some occasion, hell, but still.:: Don't you mean "...made myself"?
::At least the girl I like don't hate me.:: Was that some form of gangster talk, or a typo? Not entirely sure.
YOU ARE AMAZING! KEEP WRITING!
10HoodedStellaishPersonal feelings aside, that "Adam hating Daniel" is really good. It adds that little mystery that keeps everyone reading, because, frankly, after that kiss, it all gets so -boring. -.-
Here's the things I picked out.
::I remember when I was younger and I fell to the ground - nose first - and bled. That hurtvso badly.:: Is that a typo I see? :P It happens all the time, don't get mad.
::I may myself use words like dang, damn, heck and some occasion, hell, but still.:: Don't you mean "...made myself"?
::At least the girl I like don't hate me.:: Was that some form of gangster talk, or a typo? Not entirely sure.
YOU ARE AMAZING! KEEP WRITING!
6/1/2010 c14 rini
cute
cute