for The Wall9/21/2010 c5 
8underwaterwriter
Interesting. It has lots of great potential, I think. It could be even better if we cut even deeper into the person's thoughts and really got a good sense of the character.
I did feel like a missed a lot out of the action parts, more detail needed to be there in order to keep the story in tact. There wasn't enough words to really set things, I felt. In the first chapter, I think you placed in a couple of unnecessary words within sentences that just brought the good points to a halt.
It does require some more editing here and there (I read your profile; you did say you wanted editing help or something, I'd love to help you with that!). I found your summary intriguing: you mentioned it was to keep the bad guys out, but the character realized the wall was just for the sake of imprisonment. I like that idea, actually.
~Underwaterwriter
8underwaterwriterInteresting. It has lots of great potential, I think. It could be even better if we cut even deeper into the person's thoughts and really got a good sense of the character.
I did feel like a missed a lot out of the action parts, more detail needed to be there in order to keep the story in tact. There wasn't enough words to really set things, I felt. In the first chapter, I think you placed in a couple of unnecessary words within sentences that just brought the good points to a halt.
It does require some more editing here and there (I read your profile; you did say you wanted editing help or something, I'd love to help you with that!). I found your summary intriguing: you mentioned it was to keep the bad guys out, but the character realized the wall was just for the sake of imprisonment. I like that idea, actually.
~Underwaterwriter