4/13/2010 c1 name redacted
Interesting perception. Just a few notes on grammar:
the last sentence of the first line is missing an "is"
The "they" in the third paragraph becomes a he. Otherwise good. Very sharp. Great use of sentence lenght.
Interesting perception. Just a few notes on grammar:
the last sentence of the first line is missing an "is"
The "they" in the third paragraph becomes a he. Otherwise good. Very sharp. Great use of sentence lenght.