4/25/2010 c1 Isca
"Cold. Feeling. At last. Something colder than my frozen heart." Oh, how interesting. I like the idea here that the speaker feels so "numb" that she is suddenly able to discern between the different degrees of coldness/pain.
"Hide it quick, before the see." Good. The tone here inspires panic, which fits the "cracked shell" imagery perfectly.
"Smoke turned to ashes in my soul." How poetic. I like your phrasing here; it's soft, yet impactful.
"Friend of the dark morrow." Lovely ending. :)
"Cold. Feeling. At last. Something colder than my frozen heart." Oh, how interesting. I like the idea here that the speaker feels so "numb" that she is suddenly able to discern between the different degrees of coldness/pain.
"Hide it quick, before the see." Good. The tone here inspires panic, which fits the "cracked shell" imagery perfectly.
"Smoke turned to ashes in my soul." How poetic. I like your phrasing here; it's soft, yet impactful.
"Friend of the dark morrow." Lovely ending. :)
4/25/2010 c1 95words are all I have
I really like this poem, the fact that it is called and about cold and it gave me chills was kind of creepy... but i like it it has some similarities in style and subject to my own work so i can relate to it easily. I love the line "hide it, quick before they see" it seems like the desire to hide all imperfections and that is something everyone has, so its easily relate-able for most people. The one thing i cant figure out is the "cant be" im not really sure if it fits or not, and it kind of sticks out from the smooth flow of the rest of the poem, i tend to do things like that myself but you might want to watch out for it. :) I love this poem though, thank you for writing it.
I really like this poem, the fact that it is called and about cold and it gave me chills was kind of creepy... but i like it it has some similarities in style and subject to my own work so i can relate to it easily. I love the line "hide it, quick before they see" it seems like the desire to hide all imperfections and that is something everyone has, so its easily relate-able for most people. The one thing i cant figure out is the "cant be" im not really sure if it fits or not, and it kind of sticks out from the smooth flow of the rest of the poem, i tend to do things like that myself but you might want to watch out for it. :) I love this poem though, thank you for writing it.