for All That Glitters3/31/2010 c1 v-n-ll-y
I think the beginning was very realistic; stealing is commonplace, but that certain anxiety is still felt.
Your writing style is very fluent, by the way, and that makes it much easier.
Ending was interesting too, I'd like to see how this turns out.
I think the beginning was very realistic; stealing is commonplace, but that certain anxiety is still felt.
Your writing style is very fluent, by the way, and that makes it much easier.
Ending was interesting too, I'd like to see how this turns out.
3/31/2010 c1 
13VelvetyCheerio
I love your choice of character names! Especially Lucky! Haha, I thought he was going to be a dog at first. :P
I am very happy with the way you pulled off this concept, yet again. It's all just so realistic, like these people are actually out there, on the streets, trying to survive.
Good job with that-and your description! It's not overdone like a lot of stories, where they just have the character tell you everything about them. Aah.
Good start. :) I can't wait for the second chapter and how they plan on stealing some big cash.
Velvet.
13VelvetyCheerioI love your choice of character names! Especially Lucky! Haha, I thought he was going to be a dog at first. :P
I am very happy with the way you pulled off this concept, yet again. It's all just so realistic, like these people are actually out there, on the streets, trying to survive.
Good job with that-and your description! It's not overdone like a lot of stories, where they just have the character tell you everything about them. Aah.
Good start. :) I can't wait for the second chapter and how they plan on stealing some big cash.
Velvet.
3/31/2010 c1 25Kyllex
This sounds like it could be really interesting. I like all the character names, good choices. (: I'd like to see what happens next! Good start!
25KyllexThis sounds like it could be really interesting. I like all the character names, good choices. (: I'd like to see what happens next! Good start!
3/31/2010 c1 11Naomi Chick
This is something different. I like the details describing the characters life by struggling to make it though each days. It good to know they depend on each others as a family.
11Naomi ChickThis is something different. I like the details describing the characters life by struggling to make it though each days. It good to know they depend on each others as a family.
3/31/2010 c1 kodkvnnrjgn
Lucky has colorful language for a thirteen year old. haha I really like the way your story flows. The way Violet found the ticket seemed very natural and it's nice how Violet has such trusty brothers who look out for her. I think your story is awesome so far, and I'll definitely keep reading. :)
Lucky has colorful language for a thirteen year old. haha I really like the way your story flows. The way Violet found the ticket seemed very natural and it's nice how Violet has such trusty brothers who look out for her. I think your story is awesome so far, and I'll definitely keep reading. :)
3/31/2010 c1 8sealednectar
the title caught my attention. I love that quote. This is really good so far, you should continue!
8sealednectarthe title caught my attention. I love that quote. This is really good so far, you should continue!
3/31/2010 c1 3J.S. Hopkins
I really like your story so far. I like the big brother's name to Jamie. Mine is Jaime too but I'm a girl. It's written very well and I can't wait to see what will happen next.
3J.S. HopkinsI really like your story so far. I like the big brother's name to Jamie. Mine is Jaime too but I'm a girl. It's written very well and I can't wait to see what will happen next.
3/31/2010 c1 Mockingjay
It's me in anonymous :D, I'm too lazy to get on, but anywho, yay for new story.
I really like it and hope that Abby won't do one of the gasping moves, you know reject him, cheat on him, all that stuff because there is a feeling deep inside and all. The only problem I had was that I thought Lucky was the dog, but then realized he wasn't xD
It's me in anonymous :D, I'm too lazy to get on, but anywho, yay for new story.
I really like it and hope that Abby won't do one of the gasping moves, you know reject him, cheat on him, all that stuff because there is a feeling deep inside and all. The only problem I had was that I thought Lucky was the dog, but then realized he wasn't xD
3/31/2010 c1 Luis Negron
I liked this quite alot. The whole feel of the poverty and family tightness came cross quite well.
Another positive note, nice detailing and action from the characters. The dialogue is natural and well written.
I can't seem to find anything negative...
I liked this quite alot. The whole feel of the poverty and family tightness came cross quite well.
Another positive note, nice detailing and action from the characters. The dialogue is natural and well written.
I can't seem to find anything negative...