for Eclipse5/7/2011 c1 
460Time To Change
I love the ambiguosity of the tenses in the first two lines.
"I miss the warmth of your smile,
as you cradle the sun in your lips."
The "as" makes me wonder if the subject of the poem is still smiling, but the smiles are directed elsewhere or if the warmth is gone simply because the smile is gone and the sun's presence there is just a memory.
I enjoyed the pace and rhythm to this poem, enhanced by only one rhyme.
I'm not sure italics was needed for the last line as I think by placing it on its own it has enough emphasis and meaning anyway.
460Time To ChangeI love the ambiguosity of the tenses in the first two lines.
"I miss the warmth of your smile,
as you cradle the sun in your lips."
The "as" makes me wonder if the subject of the poem is still smiling, but the smiles are directed elsewhere or if the warmth is gone simply because the smile is gone and the sun's presence there is just a memory.
I enjoyed the pace and rhythm to this poem, enhanced by only one rhyme.
I'm not sure italics was needed for the last line as I think by placing it on its own it has enough emphasis and meaning anyway.
10/12/2010 c1 22lipleaf
"As you cradle the sun in your lips" is wonderful imagery. I love the concept and then the later contrast with eclipsing shadows. Nicely done.
22lipleaf"As you cradle the sun in your lips" is wonderful imagery. I love the concept and then the later contrast with eclipsing shadows. Nicely done.
4/23/2010 c1 daiysis
This was lovely, just simply beautiful :)
This was lovely, just simply beautiful :)
4/5/2010 c1 23thinking.about.thinking
I love this line: "as you cradle the sun in your lips." I also love the quote at the end; it brings so much more meaning into the poem. A definite favorite.
~thinking.about.thinking
23thinking.about.thinkingI love this line: "as you cradle the sun in your lips." I also love the quote at the end; it brings so much more meaning into the poem. A definite favorite.
~thinking.about.thinking