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for The Science of Sound

4/4/2011 c1 5Jayster007
I just stumbled upon this story and I want to say that I thoroughly enjoyed it. You employ vivid description throughout the piece, especially with respect to sights and even sounds. I loved how you deliberately kept the characters ambiguous: "the listener and the runner." Very mysterious and open to interpretation. I only wished you could have elaborated on the story a bit longer. Excellent job.
1/21/2011 c1 612simpleplan13
Thanks for participating in the Review Marathon for December!

I liked your descriptions here. The way you described the forest and the people's actions were really captivating. It definitely drew me into the story.

I also liked how until the end it seemed like maybe it was a mean hunt. It made the ending a surprise, which I liked. And sort of changed the whole meaning of the piece. But I love intensely you described what I'm assuming is some version of hide and seek.
7/11/2010 c1 12lianoid
I really enjoyed this piece. It was so exciting to read! I’m still not sure if this was a friendly game or not, but it definitely had a friendly feel to it. Your descriptions were dead on fantastic as always, and I think you tied in the prompt perfectly. It was incredibly easy to picture everything and I felt as if I was sneaking through the forest along with them. I liked your creative descriptions for both characters (i.e. the listener, the runner). I thought it had an interesting effect, and had an impersonal tone that contrasted nicely with the darkness and setting.

I just read the other reviews and realized that I’m the only person who didn’t feel the tension. =/ Perhaps it’s just because I’m in a jolly mood today. Regardless, I did feel a bit of tension, but for whatever reason I felt like this was a game most of the way through. I guess it was because their actions were aggressive. They were just running around/away from each other and hiding. It had a passive feel to it; I didn’t sense any danger. Anyway, fantastic piece as always. :D

...knowing that the other runner was just as out of breathe as he was...

The listener heard the other's breathe a moment before he saw the figure hiding behind the log.

-Edit: Change “breathe” to “breath”.
7/9/2010 c1 6ranDUMM

The beginning was brilliant - absolutely perfect. It draws us in from the very beginning, and makes us get into the mood of the piece.

The way you write the story makes it quite tense and suspenseful. The descriptions also help with this, and I'm curious to find out - Why are they running? Who are the running from?

- "One pair of footsteps was his, and branches whipped past him as he bolted past towering trees." In this, the two sentences combined seem to have no relationship with each other; to me, they seem like two completely different sentences, that have been joined for the sake of making it into a compound sentence. My advice would be to split them up into two sentences, so that they carry more impact/meaning.

- "Somewhere in the forest, the other runner stopped." I love that you made that its' own paragraph. It puts more stress and weight on it, and makes it carry more meaning than it would have if you had merged it into the previous paragraph.

Okay, so until now, I was writing the review whilst I was reading, but then, subconsciously, I continued reading, without pausing to continue the review, because I was that hooked onto it. And honestly? THAT is brilliant. Since your story's intent is to provide suspense and mystery, making me not able to take my eyes off? Perfect.

Your descriptions of the forest were brilliant! As your prompt was 'wilderness' I can see why you incorporated that so well into it, but even then, your descriptions far surpassed what I was expecting from the story. A really, really brilliant piece here!

Your end is perfect. The game of Hide-And-Seek (I'm guessing that's what it was, right?) is finished, and the 'listener' has found the 'other'. Brilliant end, I could not think of a better way to end this.

All in all, a BEAUTIFUL piece, hope it did well in the WCC! :)

6/10/2010 c1 23AvidWriter-92
wow... I loved how tense this was. :)

At first, I thought that it was a hunter chasing an animal, but then as the story went further, I realized it was another person. :P

It reminded me of Apollo and Daphne, a bit. :P But, I'm just like that. Lol.

I also liked how you didn't identify the two people with names, just "listener" and the "other runner." It added to the anonymous-ness of the piece. :)

I loved the descriptions you had... It made the piece feel very alive and full of action. :P

~Great job! How'd you do in the contest?

~Avid. :) Roadhouse. :)
4/8/2010 c1 7Kackex
Ever heard of the phrase 'Mos Def?' Because this work is MOS DEF THAN MOS DEF! Your brief descriptions of the landscape is quick and sweet. The action of the scenes are well done and your strongest suit so wear it.

KEEP BEING MOS DEF! Keep Writing, and good luck in the WCC!

Would you kindly,

4/8/2010 c1 1xenolith
Haha, nice ending.

The tension in this was great, and I could see it all unfolding brilliantly in my head. I liked the idea of a game of tag, I liked the ambiguity because to me, I don't think it's as lighthearted as it came off. I think it's depressing! There is no point! And, at the end, how do we know the listener wasn't smiling in evil glee before he killed the other dude!

But therein lies the coolness of the piece, it's open to interpretation and evokes thought. The only thing I didn't like was how often the word 'other' was used, becuase once you notice it that's all you see. Other than that, well done and good luck for the WCC!
4/7/2010 c1 v-n-ll-y
Very nice descriptive writing, I could really get a sense of the character's situation, and the suspense you created was fantastic as well.

I noticed a couple of things I'm not sure about, but maybe you can tell:

'...the other runner was just as out of breathe as he was...'

- I think it's 'breath' that should be used here, but I might be wrong

'...heard the other's breathe a moment before...'

- Same as above, it might be 'breath' rather than 'breathe'

But I liked how you used plenty of description and only used direct speech once. Sometimes it's nice to read a piece of writing that doesn't have so much dialogue in it.

Overall, it was a great piece of writing in terms of description and creating emotion.
4/5/2010 c1 Principessa di Morte
Fantastic job! I loved it. Very well-written, great use of figurative language, you painted the scene so well. And, as has been mentioned before, the twist at the end gave it a ring of fun. ;) Wonderful story.
4/5/2010 c1 Anise Cary
OK I had to laugh at the end of this. You build up the tension so well in this piece. I just kept waiting for something to happen, something dangerous. When I thought it was going to, when the listener fell, I was on the edge of my seat. As the tension built again, I merely waited to see what would happen. Then the end, that release, comical, I loved it. Great job. Good Luck in the WCC.
4/5/2010 c1 nabzilla
Oh i like this! Love your use of language here and the way you described everything. Amazing! Will you be continuing this?
4/3/2010 c1 30sophiesix
I like how you use the senses in this piece - the setting heightens sense other than sight, though thats used effectively too. I especially loved:"a chill slithered through the forest and circled the listener," and how its sniffing at him - teh personifaction was so evocative ofr me. also him trying to control his breathing, that rang so true. I was left with a sense of dread at teh end (then i read REx's review and felt relieved XD) great tense, creepy atmosphere throughout - nice one! Good luck with teh WCC :D
4/3/2010 c1 4lookingwest
Very fun piece! I like how you build tension and keep the different characters ambiguous until the very end-in which case, it's still left a little ambiguous but it was mega clever to reveal it's all a game. I sort of really latched onto that idea of the wilderness as far as a game of catch-me-if-you-can or predator-prey relationships. I definitley liked how you threw us readers on a wild loop too, haha. Overall this was strong, no errors that stuck out, and it was easy to follow. You had some good word choice and description and you also handled the names of the characters well, as just simply "listener" and "runner"-which means, I think you did a great job evening their names out so it didn't sound repetitive.

Best of luck in the WCC!
4/3/2010 c1 Zombiesaurus Rex
Amusing piece. I liked how it was all very melodramatic as it built towards the climax. You left the reader nicely wondering what was actually happening right up until the end.

The tension was nice. It built up at just about the right rate.

Your ending was fun. I wasn't expecting it to be a game, so the surprise was nice. Good job screwing with us.

Good luck in WCC,

~Zombiesaurus Rex

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