for Maybe It's Cabin Fever7/25/2011 c23 
99Dreamers-Requiem
Really nice imagery here; it works well. I like the pace of the piece, too; especially in the second line. Nice stuff.
99Dreamers-RequiemReally nice imagery here; it works well. I like the pace of the piece, too; especially in the second line. Nice stuff.
6/13/2011 c21 Dreamers-Requiem
Great to see an update for this. A really nicely written poem; the imagery, especially at the start, was quite powerful, and the descriptions worked very well. I really liked the last stanza, and the metaphore of words colliding. Great stuff, J.D! (And congrats on graduating High School, too!)
Great to see an update for this. A really nicely written poem; the imagery, especially at the start, was quite powerful, and the descriptions worked very well. I really liked the last stanza, and the metaphore of words colliding. Great stuff, J.D! (And congrats on graduating High School, too!)
4/26/2011 c20 Dreamers-Requiem
I have to ask with this one; is the lack of lines intentional? I think it works really well. I liked the flow of this one, as well as the imagery you use; especially the first two lines; [There was an outline in the doorway, A ghost I imagine]. It really draws you in. I also like the sort of semi-confusion of it, the way it jumps. Yeah, I really liked it.
I have to ask with this one; is the lack of lines intentional? I think it works really well. I liked the flow of this one, as well as the imagery you use; especially the first two lines; [There was an outline in the doorway, A ghost I imagine]. It really draws you in. I also like the sort of semi-confusion of it, the way it jumps. Yeah, I really liked it.
4/2/2011 c19 2bookaddict27
I really like this poem, there's a lot of good imagery. I like the contrast between words like desert, sun, and the warm imagery against words like shivering, blue, ice, and night. It creates a more intense image. I also like the symbol of the scorpions. I think my favorite description, though, is when you describe the sun as a "burnt tangerine."
2bookaddict27I really like this poem, there's a lot of good imagery. I like the contrast between words like desert, sun, and the warm imagery against words like shivering, blue, ice, and night. It creates a more intense image. I also like the symbol of the scorpions. I think my favorite description, though, is when you describe the sun as a "burnt tangerine."
4/2/2011 c19 99Dreamers-Requiem
Although this piece is quite short, I think it's a strong poem. The description and imagery work really well together, and it pulls the reader in. I like the last line, it kind of has the feeling of a threat to it. Nice job.
99Dreamers-RequiemAlthough this piece is quite short, I think it's a strong poem. The description and imagery work really well together, and it pulls the reader in. I like the last line, it kind of has the feeling of a threat to it. Nice job.
3/27/2011 c18 Dreamers-Requiem
I think this is really interesting - it kinds of a mix between prose and poetry, it reads like prose but the language is quite poetic, and I think you pull that off really well. The ending line is great, and it really stands out among the rest. I really liked this one, great stuff.
I think this is really interesting - it kinds of a mix between prose and poetry, it reads like prose but the language is quite poetic, and I think you pull that off really well. The ending line is great, and it really stands out among the rest. I really liked this one, great stuff.
3/2/2011 c17 Dreamers-Requiem
I really like this one - I like how it's seperated, and seems to cover a fairly long time period. The emotional undercurrent is there, and you can really feel for the character here. Basically, yeah, great poem.
I really like this one - I like how it's seperated, and seems to cover a fairly long time period. The emotional undercurrent is there, and you can really feel for the character here. Basically, yeah, great poem.
2/24/2011 c16 Dreamers-Requiem
Fistly, congrats on getting Writer of the Week.
This is really powerful, the words create a really vivid picture and the imagery is, well, powerful. I can really sort of feel the sensation of being there (I visited a concentration camp years ago; this took me back to the feelings I felt in the morgue there) and even though at first glance it looks like pure description, there are still emotions there which spring up as I'm reading. Again, a powerful piece.
Fistly, congrats on getting Writer of the Week.
This is really powerful, the words create a really vivid picture and the imagery is, well, powerful. I can really sort of feel the sensation of being there (I visited a concentration camp years ago; this took me back to the feelings I felt in the morgue there) and even though at first glance it looks like pure description, there are still emotions there which spring up as I'm reading. Again, a powerful piece.
2/21/2011 c3 2bookaddict27
I really like this one, it's very dark. I love the imagery as well. Your choice of words really reinforce the image of death. I like that you describe the people, lying dead while holding hands: "a paper chain made of stone."
2bookaddict27I really like this one, it's very dark. I love the imagery as well. Your choice of words really reinforce the image of death. I like that you describe the people, lying dead while holding hands: "a paper chain made of stone."
2/21/2011 c1 bookaddict27
I've read through all of your poems, but I figured I'd go back through and review some individually. First off, though, I have to say that they're quite good. I really like your use of words. I know, that isn't very specific, but they're just very effective. Also, I think you posted the wrong poem for #16, it's a repeat of 15, Petrarchan.
As for your first poem, I really like the whole sound of it. It just sounds very pleasant, carefree. I like the way you split up your lines, and the descriptions are great.
I've read through all of your poems, but I figured I'd go back through and review some individually. First off, though, I have to say that they're quite good. I really like your use of words. I know, that isn't very specific, but they're just very effective. Also, I think you posted the wrong poem for #16, it's a repeat of 15, Petrarchan.
As for your first poem, I really like the whole sound of it. It just sounds very pleasant, carefree. I like the way you split up your lines, and the descriptions are great.
2/3/2011 c3 5Whirlymerle
Another intriguing poem. This one reminded me of "And Then There Were None" by Agatha Christie. Some of your imagery is very interesting, like "A paper chain made of stone". I wish you ended on a rhyme though, since you do have a rhyme patter. I feel like it would have made the beat better.
5WhirlymerleAnother intriguing poem. This one reminded me of "And Then There Were None" by Agatha Christie. Some of your imagery is very interesting, like "A paper chain made of stone". I wish you ended on a rhyme though, since you do have a rhyme patter. I feel like it would have made the beat better.
2/3/2011 c2 Whirlymerle
[That ain't there anymore] This seems off, because "ain't" is very informal sounding, while "anymore" is more formal. I feel like it would work better as, "ain't there no more" or "isn't there anymore."
Interesting poem- it reminded me almost a bit of "The Raven." It's probably the "ore" rhyme. The subject is rather gloomy, but then you tell it in a very careless way, creating an quirky feel to the piece. Might I ask what was your inspiration?
[That ain't there anymore] This seems off, because "ain't" is very informal sounding, while "anymore" is more formal. I feel like it would work better as, "ain't there no more" or "isn't there anymore."
Interesting poem- it reminded me almost a bit of "The Raven." It's probably the "ore" rhyme. The subject is rather gloomy, but then you tell it in a very careless way, creating an quirky feel to the piece. Might I ask what was your inspiration?
2/3/2011 c1 Whirlymerle
I like how carefree this poem sounds. I'd certainly love to kick Mary Janes into the air on a swing.
[My eyes;] I don't really like the semi colon, because it seems a little arbitary. You have two periods and a semicolon in your entire poem, I felt confused why you'd break up that last long sentence with a semicolon.
I like the reputation with "just a little," it's very sweet.
I like how carefree this poem sounds. I'd certainly love to kick Mary Janes into the air on a swing.
[My eyes;] I don't really like the semi colon, because it seems a little arbitary. You have two periods and a semicolon in your entire poem, I felt confused why you'd break up that last long sentence with a semicolon.
I like the reputation with "just a little," it's very sweet.
12/25/2010 c13 41smoke another grin
Whoop, awesome.
The last stanza make it seem like YOU'RE the one holding, freezing these doors into place when really, they should just collapse.
41smoke another grinWhoop, awesome.
The last stanza make it seem like YOU'RE the one holding, freezing these doors into place when really, they should just collapse.
12/25/2010 c12 smoke another grin
Beautiful. Haunting.
You kind of twisted all this different stuff together and made it make sense and greatgreatgreat.
You sound confused, and lost, but that makes an awesome writer. =P
Like I said, better and better.
Beautiful. Haunting.
You kind of twisted all this different stuff together and made it make sense and greatgreatgreat.
You sound confused, and lost, but that makes an awesome writer. =P
Like I said, better and better.