for Tainted By Blood9/2/2010 c44 
32Shelley Anderson
Very poorly edited. I'm going to let you do that. Especially the first section...
Other than that I loved it of course=) I thoroughly enjoy the interaction between Rakuto and Ryuu!
32Shelley AndersonVery poorly edited. I'm going to let you do that. Especially the first section...
Other than that I loved it of course=) I thoroughly enjoy the interaction between Rakuto and Ryuu!
8/30/2010 c43 Shelley Anderson
"Rakuto was defencive and angered..." defensive.
Other than that well edited!
This was yet another riveting chapter! Keep up the good work
"Rakuto was defencive and angered..." defensive.
Other than that well edited!
This was yet another riveting chapter! Keep up the good work
8/29/2010 c42 Shelley Anderson
"Loki glanced at luke and smiled" you didn't capitalize Luke.
"they've got to mean more to my than some bratty kid." More to me.
This is interesting between Rakuto and Ryuu. I am enjoying it, the classic testosterone battle!
"Loki glanced at luke and smiled" you didn't capitalize Luke.
"they've got to mean more to my than some bratty kid." More to me.
This is interesting between Rakuto and Ryuu. I am enjoying it, the classic testosterone battle!
8/29/2010 c41 Shelley Anderson
Ahem, you called Noir the neko again...
And ah I can't wait to read the next chapter and see what happens to Luke! Good thing it's up already=)
There were a few times where I wasn't happy with the wording, but it was all opinion so I didn't bother to point them out. Just letting you know so maybe you can be more careful in the future to try to word things carefully.
Ahem, you called Noir the neko again...
And ah I can't wait to read the next chapter and see what happens to Luke! Good thing it's up already=)
There were a few times where I wasn't happy with the wording, but it was all opinion so I didn't bother to point them out. Just letting you know so maybe you can be more careful in the future to try to word things carefully.
8/29/2010 c40 Shelley Anderson
I'm so glad that Ryuu was so upset over Hannah! I mean, I knew he would be upset, but that he was so open about it and so distraught. Yay=) of course, I do hate to see him upset cause I'm in love with him lol.
"'like it done to Hannah...'" I think you meant, like it's done. Last I checked Ryuu isn't a redneck lol
Great chapter yet again!
I'm so glad that Ryuu was so upset over Hannah! I mean, I knew he would be upset, but that he was so open about it and so distraught. Yay=) of course, I do hate to see him upset cause I'm in love with him lol.
"'like it done to Hannah...'" I think you meant, like it's done. Last I checked Ryuu isn't a redneck lol
Great chapter yet again!
8/28/2010 c39 Shelley Anderson
Yay, he didn't leave Loki thinking he is annoying!
"'...ok definitely nurse time' loki once again starts to walk..." You are missing a period and Loki isn't capitatlized.
"Lki laughed and covered his forehead with his spare hand, 'Trust me you know wanna know...'" Left out the o in Loki, and the phrase got split into two lines on accident.
"drunk boys" Drunk boy's
This chapter was kind of chaotic lol, but there is nothing wrong with that, it was easy to keep up with so that's fine.
Yay, he didn't leave Loki thinking he is annoying!
"'...ok definitely nurse time' loki once again starts to walk..." You are missing a period and Loki isn't capitatlized.
"Lki laughed and covered his forehead with his spare hand, 'Trust me you know wanna know...'" Left out the o in Loki, and the phrase got split into two lines on accident.
"drunk boys" Drunk boy's
This chapter was kind of chaotic lol, but there is nothing wrong with that, it was easy to keep up with so that's fine.
8/28/2010 c38 Shelley Anderson
OMG HANNAH DIED! I did not expect that in the least. And honestly the entire time I was frightened for the dog lol
Drunkenly, not drunkenily
Aw, poor Loki. I hope he stays in the story, he is entertaining=) It seems a little out of character for Ryuu to tell him so much. I mean, it wasn't important information, but I think of Ryuu as being kinda tight lipped. Maybe that's just me.
OMG HANNAH DIED! I did not expect that in the least. And honestly the entire time I was frightened for the dog lol
Drunkenly, not drunkenily
Aw, poor Loki. I hope he stays in the story, he is entertaining=) It seems a little out of character for Ryuu to tell him so much. I mean, it wasn't important information, but I think of Ryuu as being kinda tight lipped. Maybe that's just me.
8/21/2010 c37 Shelley Anderson
aw, the first section was so sweet=) I swear I have a cavity now.
Aw I liked this chapter. It was just what I needed. A nice break.
aw, the first section was so sweet=) I swear I have a cavity now.
Aw I liked this chapter. It was just what I needed. A nice break.
8/21/2010 c36 Shelley Anderson
"Slowly she puched down on the wound..." comma and punched.
"Turning back to Noir he saw the pleading look in his eyes, so making..." her eyes not his.
This is craziness. Good craziness though. This is so crazy! In a good way! I don't know how else to say it lol
"Slowly she puched down on the wound..." comma and punched.
"Turning back to Noir he saw the pleading look in his eyes, so making..." her eyes not his.
This is craziness. Good craziness though. This is so crazy! In a good way! I don't know how else to say it lol
8/21/2010 c34 Shelley Anderson
"'I was out alone in the woods. It was by fault.'" I think you meant my fault.
"'I've always been fasinated by them...'" fascinated.
Ooh, I love the Sensei already. I guess he is where Ryuu got his arrogance from. Yum yum
"'I was out alone in the woods. It was by fault.'" I think you meant my fault.
"'I've always been fasinated by them...'" fascinated.
Ooh, I love the Sensei already. I guess he is where Ryuu got his arrogance from. Yum yum
8/8/2010 c32 Shelley Anderson
"...spread to the bottom of the stairs so that exit was out the option." Incorrect.
"After only have and hour of hunting..." also incorrect!
"Mum and dad were loveing parents..." loving not loveing.
Oh no! I hate the parts in stories and movies when there is a misunderstanding! But, it is always there! But, I hate it in a good way don't worry.
"...spread to the bottom of the stairs so that exit was out the option." Incorrect.
"After only have and hour of hunting..." also incorrect!
"Mum and dad were loveing parents..." loving not loveing.
Oh no! I hate the parts in stories and movies when there is a misunderstanding! But, it is always there! But, I hate it in a good way don't worry.
8/7/2010 c30 Shelley Anderson
I don't like the word "clicking". It isn't strong enough. When you type it click, when you break a bone it snaps, cracks, splinters.
Oh boy, do I love back stories! Great as normal, can't wait to read about the rest of the deaths! That sounds awful lol, I'm a bad person
I don't like the word "clicking". It isn't strong enough. When you type it click, when you break a bone it snaps, cracks, splinters.
Oh boy, do I love back stories! Great as normal, can't wait to read about the rest of the deaths! That sounds awful lol, I'm a bad person
8/5/2010 c29 Shelley Anderson
"She stayed sitting on the floor, butlooked up at him."
I think that it is weird that Noir doesn't have a room at the school yet. I understand that it is a good excuse for her to be staying with Ryuu, but it is unusual. An easy way out. You never even explain why it takes them so long to get her a room. You should come up with something and throw it in one of the earlier chapters.
I can't wait to read the next chapter. I'm so glad that you already had all this written so you can post a lot often.
"She stayed sitting on the floor, butlooked up at him."
I think that it is weird that Noir doesn't have a room at the school yet. I understand that it is a good excuse for her to be staying with Ryuu, but it is unusual. An easy way out. You never even explain why it takes them so long to get her a room. You should come up with something and throw it in one of the earlier chapters.
I can't wait to read the next chapter. I'm so glad that you already had all this written so you can post a lot often.
8/5/2010 c27 Shelley Anderson
Your writing is so emotionally charged. I've really been noticing that in these recent chapters. You are improving! And you already had a great base to build off on. I bet one day you will be famous, and I'll get to say that I encouraged you in the beginning!
Don't forget me when you are famous=)
Your writing is so emotionally charged. I've really been noticing that in these recent chapters. You are improving! And you already had a great base to build off on. I bet one day you will be famous, and I'll get to say that I encouraged you in the beginning!
Don't forget me when you are famous=)