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for A Series of Fortunate Events

5/10/2011 c1 5rdc88
Hey,

I'm new to the world of FictionPress, so I have to admit ignorance at the "challenge" aspect of your story. Sorry about that!

As for my review,...I realy liked this story. You have a very crisp, clear writing style that is easy to read and the story itself flows very nicely.

I particularly liked how you started the story off with the descriptions of the various times the two main characters had met,...but managed to include a sense of mystery because you never realy revealed the identity of the male character (of course, later identified as BAU profiler Lucas Reed). Good work.

I also liked the way you worked in details such as the Bon Jovi concert and the fact that Emma's partner wears Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses. That is the kind of attention to detail I appreciate.

The secondary story (I feel the relationship between Emma and Reed is the primary story) concerning Emma's search for the Neo-Nazi and the capture of Cole was intriguing and I actually think it could have been drawn out a bit longer, to make this a story that is several chapters in length instead of a single chapter.

I thought your dialogue was fluid and realistic. Emma says to her partner at one point, "Just give me a sec, 'kay?" which is how real people talk.

One line of dialogue that made me smile a bit,...Emma's "A firm contracted by governments around the world."...as that is basically the subject matter of my own writing,...although a Private Military Company rather than a security firm.

All in all, good stuff. A very solid piece of writing, in my opinion. Do you have any plans to revisit these characters and have them work together again?

I did notice one minor spelling mistake, however (but hey, it happens from time to time),...when Emma reveals to Reed that she had been wounded by gunfire, he says "Who the hell show you?" rather than "shot you". But as I said, it is a minor thing and did not disrupt my enjoyment of the story itself.

rdc

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