Just In
for The Cliff

7/4/2011 c1 8writemystorywithoutink
The cliff is simple- it does nothing to change, it is just there. It does not like the fickleness and bothersome natures of the sea, the darkness, or the birds. I like that. I was half expecting that the sea would rescue the boy when he fell and change the cliff's judgment of it, but sadly no. This is filed under "Hurt" after all. The fact that is also under "Family" makes me wonder more and try to attribute more and more details to each character, but I think the beauty of this poem is in its simplicity. Any moral to the story? Maybe you could have had the cliff feel guilt about its very height having led its beloved boy's death; but that would be for a sequel.
7/24/2010 c1 20BolognaGuy
Wow. This is incredibly well-written, and it's great how you brought the cliff to life. I'm a sucker for some good personification, and you nailed it. My only suggestion is that you change the two instances of "awhile" to "a while." Oh, and keep on writing amazing stuff like this, please!
5/22/2010 c1 30sophiesix
oh! oh! half of me so wishes i had stopped reading at 'but one day'! but also morbidly lovely too. love the hands thing, and the love between the cliff and the boy.

Wasn't as keen on the repetition of 'cliff' in " to slap the cliff side" to slap teh side? to slap its side? to slap teh rock? dunno.

but a really lovely story, beautifully told!

ps waht happened to teh horse?
5/11/2010 c1 12lianoid
Excellent piece. You use personification so well in this, and your descriptions were beautiful. I am thoroughly impressed. I don’t know what else to say other than good luck in the WCC!
5/9/2010 c1 4lookingwest
Oh, PJ! We've got poetry this time! This should be fun...

But the cliff wondered if it really was at all.

-Would omit "at all" because it's kind of just a fluffy filler in this case. This line was just a tad bitty awkward

You're the first person to incorporate the man and the horse together, and not just the horse, XD. Not many people ran with the horse idea!

It's cool that you took the poem so literally from the prompt and personified all of the elements of it, that was creative. I liked the simplicity of the poem to. You write it like it is with this piece. The last line was especially strong, I absolutely love that "The cliff did not like the sea"-I could do a whole story just from that! Best of luck with the WCC!
5/9/2010 c1 21Sercus Kaynine
Look at me, feeling sorry for a cliff. What can I say? It's innocence touched me. Nice use of personification.

Good job and good luck in WCC!
5/8/2010 c1 7Kackex
You wrote this fantasticaly simmilar to the children's book "The Giving Tree" where the relationships of the inanimate object are sumed up rather quickly.

Two thumbs up, good luck in the WCC, keep writing, would you kindly,

5/8/2010 c1 6notveryalice
Beautiful, emotional. It sounds as though you wrote it to emulate poetry for children, which I think is very appropriate.

It's a wonderful poem.

Best wishes,

5/8/2010 c1 29YasuRan
Nice personifiction of the natural elements. It really set the pace for the tragic events as subtly as possible. Lovely work.

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