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7/27/2010 c1 23Mandisaurus-rex
I also love how you ended this one! You seem to have a real knack for that =). This is such a creative poem idea, too! And you used some really great words and different grammar...awsesome job. =) I seriously enjoyed reading this. Great work, keep making poems =).
5/20/2010 c1 name redacted
Hm. The first time that I read through this, it sounded like you had a boyfriend whom you didn't really connect with, or didn't know that well but wanted to (though that could just be because it's a familar situation). The second time, it looked more like a plutonic friend sort of thing, where you (assuming that you are the narrator) wanted to be more than friends, but that just kind of didn't happen. The short lines add a lot to the mood and internal tension. I just can't really get a picture of the scene, a girl leaning her head against the shoulder of a boy with reddish hair who is, at the same time, writing something. Its clear that they aren't overly intimate, but in close physical proximity, and he's laughing at something, but the coinciding actions confuse me a bit, though I suppose that the point of the poem is to convey emotion effectively, which it does, rather than to establish a detailed picture of the scene.
5/20/2010 c1 43losing oxygen
Great! You got a review on this on! Again: CURSE YOU NON-REVIEWERS! I love it so much. It's a beautiful poem; it flows well, and is written well, too. I love the theme. Good job impressing me with not two/three word lines!

-Train
5/18/2010 c1 8Time Is Lost
This is neat, simple and clear. I like poems like that, ones that you don't have to look into for hours to discern the meaning.

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