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6/21/2010 c1 name redacted
Love the follow up. I'm glad that things seemed to have wokred out. The punctuation in the poem is interesting, everything being broken up into very short sentences. It creates good movement through the peice of writing. Had it been in stanzas before fiction press formatting? Also, love how it's all driven by verbs, very current. It's very clear, being all in one scene so far as I can tell. My only suggestion right now is that you go through and check for consistancy of punctuation. Otherwise, great poem. Very well written.
5/21/2010 c1 43losing oxygen
Again; Glad you're happy! I

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