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5/18/2011 c9 99Dreamers-Requiem
I feel so, so sorry for Noah right now. He's losing his best friends, and even though he has Clara, it's something that I think will hit him much more than her. It's realistic, the idea of a big brother wanting his kid to be safe. I like the hintings of Harvey being jealous, too, and who can blame him - third-wheel, much? Great ending there, especially that last line. It works really well. It was a very well written chapter, and even though you don't focus on the emotions and feelings of the characters I think they come through strongly, so yeah, great job with that. Can't wait for more.
2/20/2011 c8 Dreamers-Requiem
Nice chapter - as always, I liked the interaction and the dynamic you have between the different characters. it works really well. I like how you keep certain bits of information from the reader until Clara finds them out; it keeps up the level of suspense and surprise. The scene at the end was done quite well, and I like Clara's reaction. The realism to it all works well. Overall, great job and I look forward to chapter 9.
1/6/2011 c7 Dreamers-Requiem
Really nice chapter; I felt like the pacing worked well and, again, I like how you're developing Clara's relationship with the other members of the 'gang'. I especially like how her and Noah interact; they do feel like 'old friends' but you can sort of tell there's a lot they've missed from each others lives, so great job with that. The only thing I'd critique on is how quickly Clara goes from being nervous to robbing the bank to finding it fun; I like to think there'd be a bit more hesitation there, maybe some pity from the guy she takes the money from? Anyway, other than that, good chapter and I look forward to the next one.
10/11/2010 c6 Dreamers-Requiem
I really enjoyed that chapter; it's nice to see a growing bond between Clara and Fauna, and the way it's written is, I feel, very realistic in the way girls do usually bond. Nice work with that. The explanation of how they all met was done brilliantly - it shows their lives well, although I do wonder how long they've been robbing banks? Just something to think about answering, maybe? Great ending - poor Heath! I hope he's OK! It works as an effective hook to keep the reader reading, so good job with that. Loving it. Keep up the great work
9/28/2010 c6 Wounded-Petals
Well, now she has someone she can relate to in a way. Not only Fauna, but teh entire group. They'll all a bunch of outcast that did what they had to and ended up in the predicament that they're in now- robbing banks.

I thought it was funny how she was embarrassed to buy underwear and clothes in front of Fauna since she hadn't had the chance to pack anything. It's a normal human reaction, but a necessity also, lol.

And the back story for all of them, I liked how you kept it simple and didn't go into a long spill about everything.

Great chapter. Update soon.

W-P
9/28/2010 c5 Wounded-Petals
Another good chapter. We finally get to meet Noah's accomplices, and I'm shocked that there's a five year old in there, lol. Not really, I just winder if he actually does any of the scheming also or is just someone's child.

I could understand Clara's anger at what she was just thrown into, and I wonder how the others are going to take to her, since she's definitely with them now.

The only thing I noticed was ["Tell me what the hell is going on, or so help me God I will start screaming 'Fire' so loud, they'll here me in – "] 'here' should be 'hear'.

Another great chapter.

W-P
9/28/2010 c4 Wounded-Petals
I like this back story on Clara. It still amuses me that she apologized to him by adding he was stupid, then later they got together. What I also liked was that you didn't make it seem like her life was terrible, but it wasn't the best because her parents were always absent in her life.

This was a very good chapter.

W-P
9/20/2010 c3 Wounded-Petals
This chapter made me laugh at Clara's hope for some sort of excitement in her life. It seems a little wierd that they would just start talking as if he hadn't just robbed her bank, that part sorta put me off, but I'm sure it's for a reason.

I'll continue the next chapters when I get off work.

W-P
9/20/2010 c2 Wounded-Petals
Neat history behind the Clara and Noah. It was cute how they started out being friends, with her giving him cooties. I remember those days, lol. It was interesting to see how everything came out to play thought you didn;t entirely explain why Noah started robbing banks...Maybe that'll come out later on in the story.

W-P
9/20/2010 c1 Wounded-Petals
Hm, though short, this first chapter was very nice. I like the slight descriptions in it that are just on point and don't take up teh entire chapter before you get to the point of what's supposed to really happen, lol.

There isn't much character development , and of course, that's because it's just the beginning, which was also nice.

I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter.

W-P
7/5/2010 c5 Dreamers-Requiem
Hm...this chapter left me feeling a little confused. So the playhouse was putting on something that looked like an operation, but was actually a play, and actors usually died from this? Is that even legal? Unless of course you've set this in a fictional country, in which case...you might want to clear that up.

How did the police know where to find him, and to go after him? Maybe you could have Noah saying something like "they must have seen me on the camera" or something, just a small hint as to why they're after him when, well, as far as I can tell he hasn't actually robbed the bank, or used the fake gun, or anything like that.

Anyways, apart from that, the style as usual is really nice; it flows well and you have two fairly strong characters with Clara and Noah, they're interesting and likeable.
6/28/2010 c4 Dreamers-Requiem
I like how this mirrored 'A Clarification' - it was done really well, especially with the end line, and the paragraph before it where, in both chapters, it discussed their plans and the kind of differences in them. Nice work with that. I feel like this chapter gave us more to like in Clara, more to kind of go on and I, personally, got a stronger sense of her character. I look forward to seeing more when you update it :)
6/25/2010 c3 Dreamers-Requiem
OK, so we're seeing things from Clara's point of view now and, I don't know, she doesn't really live up to expectations...maybe it's that spark Noah remembered has disappeared, or something? I don't know. I expected a bit...more from her. You could perhaps expand on her character a bit here?

Also, she just...ignores the gun after she realises who it is? That bit was a little confusing, again you could expand a bit on it.

Other than that, as always I really like your writing style, it works well and really suits this, the tone is great though I think you could show their emotions a bit more.
6/23/2010 c4 27Just Silly Me
communists? Haha!

Does she have afternoon kindergarten? Otherwise it'd be weird to have a babysitter... okay, sorry, I know.

Haha! Nice. I love Clara already.

I'm sorry, stupid. Sounds just like a kid.

I don't know about you, but kindergartners don't talk using semicolons xP.

haha, mud pies. grass and butterfly bomb? huh.

blatantly-nice.

crocodile tears-love this concept.

WHAT? How can you just stop! D:. You better be posting up more soon!

~JSM

A review for The Roadhouse forum
6/23/2010 c3 Just Silly Me
Peplum-interesting word...

appalling-ahaha. Same here, my driving is so bad.

"She smiled," not "she smiled."

daydream is one word.

the comma after "here" needs to be a period.

"Crazed gunman, Noah was not..." This confused me a bit.

"He asked"-"he asked."

Comma after "lives" needs to be a period. "She smiled" not "she smiled" again. mundane-good word.

On to the next chapter xP.

~JSM

A review for The Roadhouse forum
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