for Triangle6/23/2011 c3 kaymonkeygirl
Omg you seriously need to continue this before I go insane! This is so good and I would love to keep reading!
Omg you seriously need to continue this before I go insane! This is so good and I would love to keep reading!
7/21/2010 c1 
1Supernovocaine
If you don't know what the ratings mean, then click on them to find out. See "fictionratings(dot)com".
K+ = "Suitable for more mature childen, 9 years and older, with minor action violence without serious injury. May contain mild coarse language. Should not contain any adult themes."
I remember that when you're supposed to give the rating, there's a chart, isn't there? Also, there are a few awkward sentences and phrases in here. A proofreader would help. Lastly, please don't shorten "though" to "tho".
~S.N.
1SupernovocaineIf you don't know what the ratings mean, then click on them to find out. See "fictionratings(dot)com".
K+ = "Suitable for more mature childen, 9 years and older, with minor action violence without serious injury. May contain mild coarse language. Should not contain any adult themes."
I remember that when you're supposed to give the rating, there's a chart, isn't there? Also, there are a few awkward sentences and phrases in here. A proofreader would help. Lastly, please don't shorten "though" to "tho".
~S.N.
7/21/2010 c1 1Passionately Yours
"Destiny A.K.A me loves Cane A.K.A him." - I feel as if you should put the A.K.A me in commas.
Ah, it already sounds complicated. A triangle that isn't really complete. Poor Destiny.
"...little bubbles above they're heads..." - they're should be their
Haha, I took it the wrong way as well! I was thinking girlfriend girlfriend, not girlfriend. XD
"I hated my mom. Which wasn't good, cause she was the only person I had." After mom you should put a comma and lower case the 'w'. Also, I would change cause to since.
Hmm, I wonder why she would be dead. But I guess I'll find out in the explanation.
Just a thought, but all the 'tho' should be though.
Oh noes~ she's suppose to die at 21? Right when she's legal to drink? XP
Sorry about all of the corrections, but they'll definitely help improve your writing. The plot is rather interesting as well as the prologue. I hope you write again soon!
1Passionately Yours"Destiny A.K.A me loves Cane A.K.A him." - I feel as if you should put the A.K.A me in commas.
Ah, it already sounds complicated. A triangle that isn't really complete. Poor Destiny.
"...little bubbles above they're heads..." - they're should be their
Haha, I took it the wrong way as well! I was thinking girlfriend girlfriend, not girlfriend. XD
"I hated my mom. Which wasn't good, cause she was the only person I had." After mom you should put a comma and lower case the 'w'. Also, I would change cause to since.
Hmm, I wonder why she would be dead. But I guess I'll find out in the explanation.
Just a thought, but all the 'tho' should be though.
Oh noes~ she's suppose to die at 21? Right when she's legal to drink? XP
Sorry about all of the corrections, but they'll definitely help improve your writing. The plot is rather interesting as well as the prologue. I hope you write again soon!