for Darkend Loathing8/6/2011 c1 
2laurenexplorin
hm..this seems like a very interesting start to a great story. maybe you could continue this?
2laurenexplorinhm..this seems like a very interesting start to a great story. maybe you could continue this?
6/1/2010 c1 29YasuRan
Quite an interesting start. I'm assuming Zephyr is colorblind? Her name is actually quite a nice contrast with the monochrome vision of her sight. Zephyr is a colorful name and you've certainly depicted her as a colorful character so far. She comes off as quite likeable and wise beyond her years. I thought she was a teenager at first before you revealed she was eight. That's not a bad thing. In fact, I quite like reading 'Mr. Shadow's' perceptions of her. There were a few punctuation mistakes here and there like the unnecessary use of a semi-colon in the first paragraph but nothing major.
It seems like a promising story from the first chapter. Good luck in writing the rest :)
29YasuRanQuite an interesting start. I'm assuming Zephyr is colorblind? Her name is actually quite a nice contrast with the monochrome vision of her sight. Zephyr is a colorful name and you've certainly depicted her as a colorful character so far. She comes off as quite likeable and wise beyond her years. I thought she was a teenager at first before you revealed she was eight. That's not a bad thing. In fact, I quite like reading 'Mr. Shadow's' perceptions of her. There were a few punctuation mistakes here and there like the unnecessary use of a semi-colon in the first paragraph but nothing major.
It seems like a promising story from the first chapter. Good luck in writing the rest :)
6/1/2010 c1 1esurio08
I love the characters you created here. Zephyr sounds really cute. It's also easy to feel sympathy for her, not knowing that her parents are dead and all. And of course, the character of Mr. Shadow was also introduced well. Great chapter, I do hope you write more.
1esurio08I love the characters you created here. Zephyr sounds really cute. It's also easy to feel sympathy for her, not knowing that her parents are dead and all. And of course, the character of Mr. Shadow was also introduced well. Great chapter, I do hope you write more.
6/1/2010 c1 12Green Gummy Bear
WOW!
I like this Mr.Shadow! He sounds like a father-ish type figure!
Please write more!
Is she 8?
How do you pro-now-nce her name?
Can't wait for more!
12Green Gummy BearWOW!
I like this Mr.Shadow! He sounds like a father-ish type figure!
Please write more!
Is she 8?
How do you pro-now-nce her name?
Can't wait for more!
6/1/2010 c1 lili999
hi !
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