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for LiesLifeline

2/1/2011 c1 4SCopySCat91
I like it. The repeated lined get your point across really wll and the fact that the meaning isnt too obvious is a plus. That way people can interpret for themselves
12/1/2010 c1 The Kris Cunningham
I found the use of the "[]" symbols to be interesting. I wasn't sure if it was meant as a note to the Reader (much like this would be)or not. Typo? Either way, it was an interesting move that I kind of liked. It sets it apart from what was being said, but keeps it tightly locked to it as well.

Now, in reading the description I found I knew more or less what to expect from this. There's nothing wrong with that, but as a helpful hint (I used to do the same) you might want to make the descriptions a bit abstract for things like this. Allow the Reader to make their own conculsions about the poetry. Just a thought.

Those bits aside, I really enjoyed this. I like the flow a lot because it's easy to keep up with and feels almost sing songy. Dream-like, even. Which adds a lot of flavor that's usually missing from poetry in our modern era (I'm a fan of the classics). I loved the metaphorical aspects of the "Life made of nothing but moths", too. Again, interesting choice of words to be using there.

I was also quite fond of the use of "becomes my lifeline" over and over. It acts as a kind of window into the soul and how the character, the writer, feels about things. It's very introspective. I believe that it's these little details that make reading this poem, "Lies / Lifelines" one of the better experiences of reading I've had as of late. I look forward to reading more of your writing soon! Until then, keep writing!

~ Ava
7/1/2010 c1 1butterflycaught
This is another one of your confusing pieces, though it would taste a bitter lie to say it wasn't well-written. In fact, I think I prefer your elusive and mysterious poems to your easily comprehensible ones. They show greater depth and meaning, making the concept harder to grasp. In this case, you were inside the mind of a tormented and emotionally mauled man. You were able to, once again, find the core of humanity with your terrifying wisdom; a wisdom that, I think, should, in all actuality, belong to an angel, or perhaps that of a ghost. You must be an analytical genius to understand such pain and sorrow. This was very hard for me to wrap my mind around, but it showed another demention of emotion that my mind is simply not built for understanding. Perhaps in time I will develop skills that remotely resemble the ones that you possess.
6/13/2010 c1 989East-0f-Eden
i love the emotion behind this poem.
6/10/2010 c1 Javin Pilotte
Oh my, this was wonderful. I really liked it.

"[Flying along side the butterflies]"

I think alongside is one word, but actually, I really am not sure.

I like the mood and effect of the poem. :D
6/9/2010 c1 1dreamergurl-02
I really like the structure of this poem and the little repetitions here and there. I also liked the emotion you placed on it. Can you R&R my poem, the moon?
6/8/2010 c1 3Becky-the-Kat
This is amaxing. The only thing is a picky detail really "Until there is no more lies" I think 'are' would be the proper grammar rather than 'is' other than that I loved it.
6/4/2010 c1 2Maiooi
6/3/2010 c1 D
I really liked this one. My favorite. The only job of a poem is to give the reader an emotional experience, and this one really did that.

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