Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Two Friends

12/3/2010 c1 The Kris Cunningham
This is extremely cute. I love the alternating view from one child to the other, each unique in their own ways, and I found the sticker on the shoes to be fascinating. I don't recall doing that as a child, so it's interesting to me. I'm wondering if maybe you had?

Even so, this is a very cute and has the same sing song quality that a lot of your poetry seems to have. I can almost imagine something soft and almost whimsical being matched to this and making it as a wonderful song for children. But that could be me.

There isn't a lot more I can say on this. There isn't anything to correct/note about it and I'm pretty sure I've covered the cute factor. Have I mentioned this is adorable? 'Cause it is! As always, keep writing!

~ Ava
7/1/2010 c1 1butterflycaught
This poem was not perhaps your best work, but it did result in warm, fuzzy feelings. It did not delve deep into the unknown like some of your other pieces, it did not explore near incomprehensible concepts, nor did it venture far into the edges of reality, but it is, overwhelmingly overly-sufficient. I sense in you a deep, and almost frightening, understanding of emotion. Though this piece is something easily relatable to everyone, the emotions you portray are, indeed, completely dead-on. Your word-choice and way of expressing these emotions never fails to be perfectly accurate. Well done.
6/29/2010 c1 3Theresa L'Anne
That is adorable. I can relate to the quiet one. I love how their voices begin to mix. I can just hear it in my head. Lovely~!
6/26/2010 c1 2Poison Sweet Madeira
This reminded me of my best friend from early childhood :) I miss her!

This was a sweet idea and you did a really good job, I think you captured the childlike personalities very well. Perhaps one child could be in italics, to make it easier to distinguish between the two? Although you did a good job of showing the differences in characteristics, so it wasn't very hard and I didn't slip up reading it :)

Thank you!

~PSwM
6/21/2010 c1 Punslinger
This reminds me of some of my childhood friendships. Very charming and well-crafted poem that reads simply but has deeper shadings.
6/12/2010 c1 ThePenWrites
Good job. This was simple, yet explained fully and made the reader want to keep reading.
6/10/2010 c1 Javin Pilotte
I think you were struggling with rhyming at the almost end. Not at the very end; the last two lines were good. And you ended it strongly.

But then looking past that rhyming part, it's really good. I like the topic of friends. :D And the two voices. I agree with broken plan about those voices.
6/6/2010 c1 23Love And Feathers
This was also a really nice poem. Your poems are really charming and even though I've only read two, I really like the nostalgic feel to them. It was really sweet, and made me smile. Quite a contrast to a lot of the depression poetry, that I myself am a big contributer to.

I liked how the two voices were distinct at times, but at others it was harder to tell who was who. It made me feel like the two people were merely two parts to a whole, maybe that's what you intended, or maybe I'm way off. Who knows.

Anyways, good job.
6/5/2010 c1 2DarknessInMyHeart
Cute. Reminds me of me and my best friend =)
6/3/2010 c1 7BreakfastMuncher
That is so cute.

Me and my best friend are the same way.

:)

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service