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7/22/2010 c1 9Air Rey
wow! the narrative was quick. I normally don't like narrative poems for they are dragging. But you used a variety of stanza and line length to make this concise, yet powerful.

You evoked emotions with clarity and precision but still left a moment of ambiguity and vagueness for your readers to absorb and process the actions in your poem.

What an ending! The sigh could mean so much things that left this poem open-ended giving room for your readers to predict or conclude the poem on their own.

I loved this. I hope you could review my poems as well. Thanks for writing such a great poem.
6/28/2010 c1 29YasuRan
There's a beautiful sort of complexity in your words, as if painting a picture or weaving a tapestry with heaps of layers to it. The series of contradictions lining this piece - the wariness of the mother to be, the apparent joy of those around her ("Darn, Marla. You're getting bigger everyday!") - contrast and connect perfectly. It makes me read it over and over again just to find out another hidden secret, something I missed when reading through the first time.

I'm quite in love with the stanza on Kelly's four kids and her sadistic husband. It's brutally clear but... rather addictive to read, I guess? In any case, well done. You've hit on another winner with this one.
6/18/2010 c1 1esthaelum
I was a bit suspiscious about reading this. Because of the summary, hehe. I'm a girl, so you can understand that my feminine senses kicked in. "That's why women are stupid" - I took slight offense at that, but don't worry! It's not a bad thing! Now, to find out why they're stupid...

Ooh. The first verse if absolutely beautiful. I don't understand how people can write poems... I can never write poems, but you did an excellent job with this so far...

'And this life is a morgue'

- Such a short, yet powerful sentence. Utterly beautiful... i can really feel the bitter, sad mood here...

Overall, this was wonderful. Im really glad I read this. I now understand what you meant with your summary, good job :)

From the Roadhouse~

Pretty please review via The Unwanted?~
6/16/2010 c1 Alice Novak
As I read this, I can't help but feel haunted over the imageries.

You've managed to capture the horrors of child-birth, and the pressures that come with that.

Now, for me, I'm usually very optimistic about things. So I can't really give comments about this.

It's written well, the diction is very interesting, and its' got a pretty neat structure.

I like it, but I guess its just not my cup of tea.

Deli .x
6/16/2010 c1 6Devil's Playground
Oh, wow. This is such a powerful piece. It's brilliant both in format and in content. I love how you play with line breaks and sounds, creating a unique, innovative structure while still keeping rhythm and flow. I love the wordplay and the ideas expressed in this, very creative, and it leaves a strong impact.

"Foetus you are scientific.

An incomplete mass of embryonic cells

(and you are cold

and pain-less and

have no heart) or are you,

a baby?" - I absolutely love this part. It's such an interesting way to express a controversial idea - so controversial, I think, that it's rarely discussed in fiction, which is a shame. This part really made me think about the question it posed.

"And this life is a morgue.

She is the cadaver, meant for the final unappreciation; obligatory sacrifice." - Such morbid lines, and with a very strong emotional impact. Love it.

The last lines sum everything up perfectly - they're heartbreaking and thought-provoking.

Overall, this is amazing. I've never experienced anything like this personally, but from what I can imagine, this really captures the emotions and the internal struggle involved with going through it. It captures the dark side of motherhood. Love this!
6/16/2010 c1 39waitingforwhatever
Very interesting. I like poetry that tells some kind of story. I especially like the line that said "And this life is a morgue" and the sarcasm throughout. All in all great job.
6/8/2010 c1 Isca
"One trimester at a time." Holy shit. Why hadn't anyone thought of that before now? I love the play on "one week at a time" here; it's brilliant!

"Sometimes it's too hard to look in the mirror." The angst here is quite vivid and raw; good work.

The 1952 stanza is my favourite; it has a very post-modern feel to it, for some reason, and I found myself very drawn to that particular section of the poem.

"And this life is a morgue." Amen to that. Plath would clao you on the shoulder for such a line. :)

The 'Macbeth' quote added a nice dose of mysticism to the piece.

Your writing is always so entertaining. Thank you for that.
6/6/2010 c1 4lookingwest
The play on "Foetus" was perfect. I am now going to call fetuses that, no joke, of course I will give cred, but that's still beyond clever. If only I had your word play skills-because then you did it again with lines like "double, double, toil and unwanted trouble."

The meaning of this was pretty straightforward to me. It was very Victorian almost, because it confronts the idea of the Angel in The House, or the woman who (and this must be circa 1950s because of the mention of the kitchen) is put on a pedestal and taught two things in society, to be a wife and a mother. And this woman is very "Edna" about it-which is to say, she has the attitude that Kate Chopin's main character in her novel, The Awakening has towards her children. That they are not the joy of her life, and that not every woman is "motherly" or feels the automatic maternal love towards their children, which I agree with wholeheartedly. I won't spoil the end to The Awakening, if you ever decide to pick it up (it's usually common assigned reading too), but let's just say it ends like most other Angel-in-The-House themed novels end -_-. I can only imagine where the character of this poem will end up, the second to last stanza is certainly not cheerful, as it shouldn't be.

Very wonderful statement about mother's, and I definitley sympathized with your main character, you did a good job with making the settings and her thoughts come alive in a vivid, heartbreaking, way.
6/5/2010 c1 11HiddenFromYou
I'm not sure I fully understood what you meant by this, but I can feel that the message is very powerful all the same.

It's like I get snippets of the picture you're laying out, little bits of information about the pregnant character, but not enough information to fully see the world she lives in. That actually is a good thing, as it helps me to feel the character's confusion and uncertantity in a real and relatable way.

Good work. :)

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