6/6/2010 c3 18Open your eyes Chopstick
hey, so i read prolouge to chapter 2. Your idea is pretty interesting. Dreams about dragons? Do i see an adventure starting to happen? ^^

but, i do have constructive criticism...so bare with me if your hating this:

You really need more practice with capturing the audience. I really felt like i wasn't be ing "caught." It was slow, and doesn't bring any question of "what's going to happen now?" moments. It's nice that you described the characters, but you really don't have to. Or, not yet anyways...not like that. I don't think i need to know all those things about Derek. I pretty much felt like skipping the whole thing. If you really want the audience to know about those things, gradually let us know. Have us figure it out as the story progesses through dialogue and his interactions/reactions to things/people.

Also, you used a lot of "..." in a paragraph, when a simple comma would do.

But again, good start. Interesting idea for a story.

Mind R&R my stories/poems too? Thanks!